Let's call it Love
by HopelessHeart
Summary: 'You love her and I love him, but they aren't going to make us happy, so we can try and make each other happy.' "Inked in my Memories" follow-up.
1. Chapter 1

**Let's Call it Love**

I crossed the doors of McKinley High with my head high and a big smile on my face, just like I was accustomed too. It was important to show all those teenagers at school that nothing they did to bring me down was going to work; so every morning I entered the school's property with a big smile.

I was about to reach my locker when I felt myself being dragged savagely by the arm. I looked at my aggressor finding no other than Santana Lopez, which was odd since she had been ignoring me completely for almost five months now without even acknowledge me to throw an insult in my face.

"What… why a-are you- Release me this instant, Santana!" I stuttered out, flinching when Santana tightened her grip around my arm every time we round a corner.

"No. We need to talk" Santana said without even stopping for a moment to look at me.

I couldn't help the shriek that escaped from my mouth when she shoved me into the janitor's close; the one near the science's labs that were hardly crowded this time in the morning. I was still trying to keep my balance for being handled in such a brutally way, when the closet went dark and I heard the click of the door being locked. I turned around and narrowed my eyes trying to spot Santana in the darkness.

"So?" I asked out loud. This was starting to make me feel nervous.

Santana was silent for a moment and I cringed when I heard a zip. It was the end of my young life, I was sure. Santana wanted to end my life and I didn't even have time to prepare the mix my daddies were supposed to play at my funeral. I closed my eyes tightly, letting out a strangle whine when a light hurt my eyes suddenly.

"Please don't kill me, it's too early in the morning!" I let out in just one breath.

"Cut the drama, treasure trail, I'm still planning that."

I opened my eyes and I was faced with Santana's smirk. She had her cell phone in her raised hand, its light the only source of light in the dark closet, since the bulb of the closet had been broken for a week. I let out a long, relief breath.

"Are you going to explain me now the reason of this abduction?" I asked her, crossing my arms.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "Look, I told you to cut the drama; I just wanted to warn you, that's why I brought you here"

"Warn me about what?"

"Yesterday we..." Santana stopped herself, putting down her cell phone. I couldn't see her face clearly anymore, but she was chewing at her lower lip. Was she… nervous? What was this all about?

"What?" I asked, frowning, starting to feel anxious.

Santana took a sharp intake of breath before continuing. "We threw a sleepover last night, the glee girls and Kurt. We were drinking and I lost control. I might or might not have tell them you lost your virginity with me"

I blinked. Santana said all of that in just one breath and it was like my brain couldn't process everything she'd said. Like it was trying to decide what of the two things she said hurt more. The fact that they didn't invite me to a glee sleepover, again; or the fact that all the glee club knew by now that we slept together which meant Finn probably knew too.

"I know we had some sort of deal to not say anything. I got it when I found out you didn't tell Finn anything and I just… I'm sorry I blurted it out."

I reached blind, searching for Santana's hand. I pressed one of the cell phone buttons once I found it and raised her hand by the wrist, lighting our faces again. She was looking apologetic at me.

"All of them know?" I asked, panicking once my brain decided that Finn knowing this was worse than the girls not inviting me to the sleepover. It wasn't the first time, anyway.

"Yeah, I guess so."

I nodded and took a deep breath. Santana's apologetic expression was making me nauseous. "Would you please let me go out now? A-and… thank you for telling me this"

Santana opened her mouth but closed it quickly, nodding. She turned around and unlocked the door, opening it for me. I stepped out immediately, not wanting to be there with her anymore.

It was such a relief when I found out that Finn still was oblivious to everything; but it was really hard to stand the curious and even judging glances of all the glee club members. I was glad to finally be out of the school because it was making me go completely insane. I needed to think in how I was going to tell Finn about it, because I had to. I just couldn't let the matter be and had another person telling him and put him against me.

Santana had the worse timing ever. I hadn't had a problem with Finn finding out about this mysterious person I lost my virginity to, if we hadn't been carrying problems in our relationship since last summer we were broken up. Things between us had been pretty difficult and to add this to the pile was going to be really hard for me to explain. He didn't like Santana at all and I wasn't sure if lying to him one more time was going to help with the issues in our relationship.

Now I couldn't even see him in the eye. He kept ranting about the next game, probably making his best to explain to me all this techniques, wanting for me to comprehend them and I just couldn't listen. How could I when half my brain was yelling at me to tell him the truth now, and the other half was yelling at the other half to for the first time keep my mouth shut? I rolled my eyes thinking that that was so Santana like. I almost growled. Why remember the reason of this problem, brain? I couldn't even look him in the eye, for god's sakes! I used to look him in the eye even if I wasn't listening or understanding what he was saying to me, and here I was looking down at the notebook, unable to do it.

"Hey"

My head snapped painfully to the side when I felt a soft hand in my lower back. I saw him smiling at me with my eyes wide; wondering when he had sat beside me.

"I'm sorry I'm boring you with football but I'm really excited"

I tried to calm my racing heart from being startled, and gave him a small smile. I tried to focus my eyes in the spot between his eyes, trying desperately to avoid looking into them.

"It's alright. I know you're excited. This is an important game for you and I'm glad you're sharing it with me." I told him, letting my gaze fell to the notebook on my lap.

"I said I would try. I don't want us to keep fighting because of stupid things" Finn said.

I had to bit my tongue for snapping at him. It weren't stupid things and I was starting to get annoyed from him bringing out that he was trying. I knew he was trying; but the fact that he brought it out every time, only made me think even more on the _stupid things_ that had been tearing us apart. The fact that he didn't show up to many of our dates, and didn't even had the decency to call me before I got my hopes up like an idiot; or that he didn't invite me to the parties after the games when most of his teammates brought their girlfriends along. It wasn't stupid that he hardly had time for me anymore, expect those times I sat beside him to keep him company while he worked with his dad, only to realize that Kurt gave me more attention than my own boyfriend.

Still I had to bite my tongue to not tell him that, because I accept that I started to push him away recently with the excuse of my dance and sing classes or even for some assignment of the glee club, and that it isn't only his fault our relationship had been deteriorating so slowly. And I had to bite my tongue because I felt guilty knowing all of our teammates knew that I slept with Santana and didn't tell him anything about it.

I was brought out of my own thoughts by a hand on my chin. Finn turned my head gently and I cringed when our eyes met.

"What's wrong?" He asked, bringing his other hand up to smooth the lines in my forehead. His gentleness making me want to burst out crying. "You're all _frown-y_. Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah, why do you ask?" I asked, letting out a nervous laugh. I pushed gently his hands away, and stood up from his bed.

"Well, you talk like a lot and you haven't say much" Finn said and even thought I was giving him my back, I knew he was shrugging his shoulders.

"I-I'm alright. Why don't you keep telling me about your game?" I said, opening the notebook and going through the pages just for the sake of keeping my hands occupied. I flinched when Finn's hands turned me around. Seriously, why did he keep sneaking on me that way? He was going to kill me of a heart attack.

"I have a better idea" Finn said with a cocky smile, and then took the notebook from my hands and threw it carelessly towards his desk; my gaze followed the item sadly. I felt his hands on my cheeks and turned my face, our gazes locking once again. His smile widened and he leaned down, kissing my lips softly. I closed my eyes tightly and brought my hands to his shoulders, squeezing the fabric of his t-shirt.

Finn pulled away from my lips and I opened my eyes, finding his hopeful gaze. My stomach dropped because he usually had that one when he wanted to get something out of me. He put his hands on my waist and kissed my cheek, starting to leave wet kisses down my neck. I swallowed hard, squeezing even more the fabric on my hands. This was bad. This wasn't making me feel any better.

"Mom's going to be out all day. Burt's out of town because of a client, and I think Kurt's shopping with Blaine which usually takes like all day" Finn whispered on my neck, his hot breath making me shudder. Both because of the effect he had on me and because I knew perfectly what he was suggesting with that; and he confirmed it when he started to lift my shirt.

I wanted to stop him, but I wasn't sure how. I'd learned a lot of things while being in a relationship with Finn, but I never learned how to say no to him. So, I let him take it off, knowing I was silently agreeing with what he had in mind.

Finn put his hands in the back of my tights and lifted me off the ground, while kissing me on the lips again. I automatically wrapped my arms and legs around his body for support. He sat on his bed and broke the kiss, his lips now working a way down my jaw until he reached my chest; his hands started to fumble with my bra. I closed my eyes tightly, swallowing hard, fisting my hands in the hair at the nape of his neck.

"_It's alright I'll guide you" She said, taking her hands and pulling them away, her bra coming along, exposing her breasts completely._

_He was on top of her, his warm making her feel safe and comfortable. She wasn't completely sure but he's been so patient and he was good and she really loved him so she just accepted. And his sweet kisses and the way he touched her, making a huge effort to be gentle, made her be sure of what she was allowing him to do._

_She licked her lips and surged forward, starting to leave kisses between her breasts. She groaned, tangling her fingers into dark hair, trying to pull her even closer to her body._

I came back to reality when I found my fingers tangled on a hair that was too short for what I was really expecting. I started to feel guilty for all those images that flashed through my mind. I wasn't sure why this was happening now; probably my brain forcing me to tell the truth. I pulled at the hair in my hands, stopping Finn's movements, thankful of the fact that he was still fumbling with my bra's clap.

"What's wrong?" Finn asked with a frown. I pulled completely away from him and climbed out of his lap quickly.

"We can't do this." I said, looking frantically for my shirt around the room. I found it huddled on the floor near the desk.

"Why? We're together and we already did this before." Finn practically whined.

"I know but…" I trailed off, putting my shirt on again. At this moment I was absolutely unable to turn around and look him in the eye, so I stayed with my back to him. I felt like a miserable person for thinking in Santana while we were about to have sex.

"But?" Finn asked. "Are you in that weird mood when you just can't stand being in my presence today? Because I should tell you we agreed on spending time together for the sake's of saving our relationship, Rach. I'm trying, because I don't want us to break up like last summer."

I shook my head. There he was again. I was trying too, I really was.

"You know, I said no to Puck's invitation to come over and play videogames because you wanted us to spend some time together and now you're acting weird and-"

"It was Santana" I blurted out, turning around with glare. I couldn't take it, I needed him to stop talking before I hurt him. Physically hurt him. He always put Noah first and I was aware that he was his best friend, but he spent more time with him than with me.

"What?" Finn asked, confused. A frown was marrying his face and he was studying my face, while waiting for an answer. That made me feel uncomfortable.

I took a deep, long breath because I shouldn't have started that way; but his words felt like he was digging a sharp knife on my chest and I needed him to stop. "I wasn't supposed to say this to you. In fact no one was supposed to know this, but apparently everyone knows now. So, you need to know and you need to hear this from me"

Finn's frown deepened and I came to sit beside him, his eyes never leaving my face. "Do you remember the time you asked me to tell you who was the person I first slept with?"

"Yeah, you refused to tell me." He answered, his tone harsh. "And we agreed we never would bring that up again."

"It was Santana. I slept with Santana" I told him. Finn looked to his front, with an expression so alike at the one he had at the machine shop, when he's trying so hard to figure out which piece to use. I bit my lip nervously, patiently waiting for an answer. I frowned when he started to chuckle.

"No, that can't be." He finally said.

"What?"

Finn looked at me with amusement. "Why are you telling me this? Santana hates you. I mean, if you want me to pay attention to you, you don't have to do this, Rach, seriously, I promised you I will be a better boyfriend" He said, taking my hands.

"I'm not lying, Finn." I told him in disbelief. This was really hard for me and he wasn't going to believe me? Probably this wasn't a big deal, after all.

"Come on, Rach. She thinks you're a loser and she throws insult at you every time she sees you. And honestly she wouldn't sleep with you because you aren't that-" He stopped abruptly, looking at his front again with a frown. I scoffed and pushed his hands away, standing up, and starting to chuckle out of nowhere. I am not that what? Pretty? Hot? Good enough?

"Rach, I didn't mean-"

"Finish it!" I snapped, glaring at him.

"Rach—"

"Finish what you were going to say"

Finn stood up and tried to reach for my hands again, but I took a step back from him, crossing my arms.

"I didn't mean it to sound that way. I was just… You started this! You always do this. You say these absurd things to me and then I'm the one who always ends looking bad!" Finn said, desperately trying to fix his mistake. I knew him; I knew him like the palm of my hand, and sometimes it amazed me his ability to put his finger on really deep wounds.

"I'm trying to be honest, Finn. I tried. I-I told you the truth so when it reached your ears you wouldn't feel like a joke… but it seems like I'm the joke here." I said, my voice starting to break and I hated myself for it. "Why is so hard for you to believe that she can have sex with me?"

Finn looked away, and I nodded.

"It happened, want to believe it or not. And you know, this is exactly why I did what I did with Noah, for what you broke up with me in the first place. Why I couldn't just leave the subject alone. Because I know how hot she is and I know how much better than me she is. And how you went and slept with her after you rejected me."

Finn studied my face for a moment and I just couldn't believe he was still trying to decide if believe me or not. I couldn't believe this was still haunting us. I felt the first tears fall from my eyes and I hated myself for crying in front of him. He didn't deserve to see me like this.

"So, that's why you went and sleep with her? Because you wanted to show me that you were hot enough?" Finn asked.

"No!" I shouted. "I slept with Santana because I wanted to hurt you! Because I wanted her to have what I denied to you! Because I know how miserable you were after you slept with her and I wanted you to remember just not that but that she got what you so desperately wanted!"

I blurted it all out. I couldn't keep it in anymore. He was hurting me even more than a year ago and I didn't care anymore about his feelings. I honestly wasn't sure I care anymore about this relationship, either. I loved him, but I was starting to feel this wasn't worth it.

"I can't believe you." Finn said, stepping away from me. I chuckled in disbelief. I knew him and it didn't surprise me that he was going to start now with the martyr show.

"Then why did you… why did you accept me back when I asked you another chance?"

"Because I love you"

"Bullshit!" He shouted making me jump by the force of his voice. "You wanted to hurt me, you don't hurt the person you love!"

"Exactly" I said, nodding. "That's how I know you don't love me. That's how I know I'm just your safe harbor."

"I do love you, Rachel."

"You don't. You think you do because I'm always here. I'm always giving you last chances but I'm done. When Santana told me she blurted out our secret I was worried of how hurt you would be, and decided to tell you myself; and here you are making me feel miserable. Throwing my biggest insecurity in my face and laughing at me and I can't take it anymore."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Finn asked.

"Yes" I said softly, looking directly into his eyes. I was hoping he could see all the pain I was feeling, but I was starting to think he had never been able to see and understand the huge effect he had on me.

"We promised we'll try."

"I tried"

"No, you didn't! You just were waiting for a slip to just throw me away!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"A slip to throw you away? How about last week, when you went with Noah to fight club and didn't have the decency to call me until the next morning? What did I say, Finn? Yes, sweetie, I already have breakfast but I can bring you your cupcake. I call it trying. Or how about… let me choose." I said, raising my pointer finger to my lips. "Oh, yeah, just two days ago, when I called you fifteen times at your cell phone just like I told you I would and you said you were going to be waiting; and then I found out you didn't answer because you were at a party to which you preferred to go with one of the cheerios. And this freaking morning I was dying from the guilt because you were going to get hurt for something that happened so long ago and we didn't even were dating. I call it trying, Finn Hudson, I don't know about you!"

I took a deep breath, feeling my chest getting light from finally getting that out of my system. He had the decency to look guilty and I turned around and picked my notebook and backpack from Finn's desk, not even able to see him in the face anymore.

"So, that's it! You're going to throw that at me and leave!"

"Yes, Finn! I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. I can't come back to you anymore no matter how much I want to. You are destructive for me. The love I have for you is destructive and I need to back off before you swallow me whole. So please, don't talk to me, don't even look at me. I'm done" I told him, walking towards the door.

"Rach…" I heard him say weakly, but I didn't turn around. I needed to get out of there before I started to really process what happened and the sobs wrack my body. I didn't need for him to see me crying anymore because he would try to comfort me and I would fall once again in his arms. That was just the way we worked and I needed to get away from him before it was too late.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Alright. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I suck at multiple chapter stories. I have a few still in process I haven't had the courage to publish because... I don't know I don't feel like it, oh and I suck. But I'm trusting I can with this one, and I'm doing it because I just totally love the idea of Rachel and Santana together (They're my favorite characters) and some of you wanted a sequel of "Inked in my memories". So, I hope you liked this start, and feel free to tell me what you think about it, good or bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Let's call it Love**

I was fucking bored in Spanish, and I couldn't care less that Schuester was sending me glares every time he turned around and found me bobbing my head up and down, my eyes nearly closed. Schuester knew what he was talking about, but man he was so boring with his squeaky little voice that made me want to puke all the time, so no, I wasn't paying attention to anything he was saying and there was no way he was going to make me any time soon.

A hand was put over my thigh when my eyes were finally giving in, bringing me back again. I turned my head to the side and saw Brittany looking unblinkingly at Mr. Schue, her warm hand still in my thigh. She caressed it and I felt something smooth, besides her soft hand, against my skin. I looked down and she turned her hand, palm up, letting me see a blue post-it folded it in half. I took it and she nodded, still looking at her front.

I unfolded the post-it and frowned at the small letters, her handwriting minimized to fit into the little piece of paper. _"What is that the guys are saying about you and Rachel? I'm confused"_ I looked at her with my eyebrows raised.

**"Santana, el pizarrón está al frente" **Mr. Schue spoke up.

**"Lo sé" **I said back, looking at his hopeless face. He turned around when he was convinced I was paying attention to what he was writing on the whiteboard. I rolled my eyes and turned Britt's note around, writing down on it. _"Don't you remember?"_

I passed her the note under the table and she took it immediately. She looked at me and shook her head, her eyes shining with confusion after she read it. I ripped a sheet from my notebook and started to write down.

"_You're going to find out anyway, so. I slept with her a year ago. I let it out at the sleepover thanks to the wine coolers and the stupid truth or dare game we were playing."_

Britt raised her eyebrows, and she looked at the sheet for what felt like a minute. She didn't try to write or say anything about it. I chewed my lower lip seeing how she made a ball with the paper and put it into the pocket of her letterman jacket. I looked up at her face and frowned at the way she was following every movement of Mr. Schue's hand in the whiteboard, deep in thought. I hated it when she did this, because sometimes it was hard to read her. I really thought she would remember everything that happened that night at her house, because she was giving me most of her drinks-I remembered because all of the shit I do while drunk, usually come to me the next morning along with the hangover-, and the glee kids had been really mean with their comments. Like how Rachel must have rubbed the argyle in me, how I had to be tested to see if I didn't catch her bad taste, how gross it must have been, or how nauseous I must've felt. All of them had something to say about it and I guessed Brittany knew already.

**"Bueno, chicos, la clase terminó. Hagan la tarea y no olviden el examen"**

"Come on, Mr. Schue, speak human!" A moron shouted at him, making the rest laugh. Mr. Schue sighed miserably, making me felt sorry for him for who knows what time in my life.

"Just go to your next class, and don't forget about the test" Mr. Schue said, starting to gather his things. I didn't move because Britt was still sitting in her chair still looking at the whiteboard, her eyes traveling up and down slowly. I waited until Mr. Schue shouldered his bag and nodded at both of us, saying goodbye before getting out of the classroom.

"B"

"It was gross as they were saying?" She asked me before I had time to even say anything more, feeling in part thankful because I wasn't sure what to say. I opened my mouth but closed it, dropping my head to look at my hands in my lap. I didn't know what to tell her. Why did she want to know? Why was she being so weird about it? Was she mad? Was she jealous?

The thing was, I didn't know where I stood with her anymore. After my come out nine months ago, we dated for four months but things weren't as pretty as I dreamt they would be. Things got complicated and I started to feel that she was with me only for the sake of making me happy. I couldn't have it; and for us to keep our friendship healthy we had to break up. It hurt me so much but it was better that way. It was hard sometimes because she still wanted me to be her fuck buddy when she was single, and I always ended saying yes because I hadn't been able to move on. I guess I'm still hoping she would take me back; that she would someday feel the same way I felt for her. So, I wasn't sure what it meant this reaction towards the new information I was giving her. She usually just shrugged and moved on every time I told her I hooked up with some random girl, but at this moment she was being so quiet and making me this question about my time with Rachel that I didn't have a clue.

"Was it?" Brittany asked again.

"I—"

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

I took her hands and she just looked down at our now joined hands. "It wasn't important, so why tell?" I shrugged, she looked up at me and I gave her a small smile. "It was just a favor, anyway."

"It was gross?"

I looked away from her, letting out a sigh. Why did she want to know?

"Come on, S. If you liked it I won't tell" Her tone was playful, her cheerful and bubbly mood back once again although I saw in her eyes a hint of something I couldn't put my finger on it. I shrugged.

"It was… nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, sometimes I just forget that it happened, and trust me its better that way" I said, chuckling. Her smile widened and she started to gather her things.

I was lying. I was freaking lying to Britt in her face, because I couldn't stop thinking about that damn evening. It's been a year and I was doing fine until months ago when a drunk Rachel decided it was hilarious to make Finn jealous in the middle of a party, by making out in the most sexy way with one of the few hot jocks that remain in the football team, who wasn't a total idiot to believe all the crap we'd been trying to make everyone believe about Rachel. Either that or he just wanted to feel Berry up. The point was that the whole thing was irritating but at the same time so sexually frustrating and extremely hot, that I wasn't physical able to even be near the girl without wanting to threw her against the lockers, and take her right there every time these annoying images of Berry naked in that hotel room flooded my thoughts. And I couldn't have it, so I stopped looking at her. She didn't exist to me, I didn't even get closer to throw an insult her way, I just couldn't.

Alright, with that I was accepting that I liked her, in those torturous days I came clear with myself and admitted that. She was hot and her personality wasn't that bad either when she wasn't talking all of the time, which rarely happened. But it was just that, pure physical attraction and nothing else. I didn't have any kind of feelings towards her; probably just guilt now that our secret was out; but just that: guilt. Guilt and the hate I had for Finn Hudson, who apparently made her happy and whatever, if she wanted to waste her time with him it wasn't my problem.

"Do you think this is your thinking place now, S? Fucking come back, I'm talking to you"

I narrowed my eyes at Quinn and scrunched up my nose when she started to lit a cigar, the strong smell filling my nostrils already. It was disgusting. "Those are disgusting, Q."

"Shut up, you smoke too."

"Yeah, but not that crap"

The bitch smirked and blew the smoke in my direction. I scowled and ignored her attempts to make me mad, looking around the place. "Where are your Skanks, anyway?"

"I don't know, I'm not a babysitter unlike you" Quinn said, shrugging and leaning against one of the poles. "Why do you care? You wouldn't be here otherwise, because you're too much of a chicken." She inhaled deeply from her cigarette and then smirked at me while releasing the smoke, enjoying her words so much. She didn't give me time to defend myself as she spoke again. "I heard the rumors, please, _please_ tell me they're just that"

My scowl turned into a grin and I leaned back on the chair I was sitting in, crossing my arms and looking at my nails. "Rumors?" I asked as I lifted my eyes to her face, she was looking at me intently, through the smoke.

"Yeah, about you rubbing your _berry_ with manhand's"

"Shut up!" I scrunched my face at her words, my reaction making her let out a loud and twisted laugh.

She was just so different, it wasn't just the pink hair, the dark, ragged clothes, the piercing or that ridiculous tattoo she had now. It was her attitude too. Old, virginal and prude Quinn Fabray wouldn't have said that and even less any of the curses she liked so much to throw everywhere. I knew better, though, somewhere inside all of this she was still the same lost, weak little girl she'd always been.

"Come on, it was fucking hilarious"

"Shut up"

"So, are they?"

"You know they're never rumors here at Mckinley. If everyone is saying it so it's true" I told her, shrugging. I let my gaze fell to my nails once again and frowned when not a single retort was sent my way. She fell completely silent. When I looked up again I found her expression had changed. She wasn't smirking anymore and her eyes were inexpressive just like the times she was making pranks with The Skanks. She wasn't looking at me either, her gaze was lost in the empty field in front of us.

"So low, Santana" She said after a moment.

"Whatever, Q. It was just pity sex. So, it didn't mean anything" I said and I was lying. I was lying miserably to Quinn, just like I lied to Brittany before to not let them know it was more than that.

Quinn threw the cigar on the floor and stomped it with her foot before pulling off the pole and starting to walk away. I watched her leave and shrugged, rolling my eyes. Quinn had been acting so weird since school started besides this stupid façade she was trying to put, and I wasn't really going to do anything about it. I cared, but if she didn't want my help all those months she was missing, then why would she want it now?

* * *

><p>This day was proving to be really boring. At least classes were almost over and I just had one more period before I could get out of this hell hole. I walked through the corridors with my head high, glaring at everyone who even dared to look at me. Britt was in detention and I hated walking alone when she wasn't beside me -her pinkie linked with mine-, so that was my distraction. I made it to English class and found the classroom almost empty.<p>

"C'mon, Rach, we need to talk"

I stopped at the door and peered inside. Finn was with his back to the door and Rachel was sitting over one of the desks, looking down at the book she had resting in her lap. Her shoulders were slightly slumped and she seemed tired.

"I told you we're done, Finn. There's really nothing to talk about." Rachel said, looking up at him as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"C'mon, Rach, you know sometimes I said things I don't mean."

"You should go to your class, Finn, you're going to be late and my classmates must be on their way." Rachel told him, shaking her head and looking down at her book again. Finn put his hand under Rachel's chin and lifted her head gently. Rachel took a sharp intake of breath, furrowing her brows.

"Please, let me take back what I said." He pleaded. "Please."

It was a fact that Finn Hudson was the biggest idiot in Ohio and probably the entire continent, but he was also the most persistent person I had ever known, and while that can be a really good quality in a person, sometimes it was just plain annoying; and for the long breath Rachel released as she shook her head, made me think she probably was thinking the same thing. He must have said something really, really awful for Rachel to break up with him. I heard that they were broken up that morning, but I couldn't believe it was true, knowing how much he meant for Rachel; and how she had worked so stubbornly to keep their relationship working. But like I said, Finn was a big moron and she must've reached her limit.

"Please, Rach, I just need one last chance. Please, forgive me for what I said. I'm stupid, I know that" He begged and for the way his voice was shaking I could tell he was at the verge of tears.

"Don't do this, Finn. I told you I'm done. I don't see a point in us being together anymore."

"Rach-"

"Please" Rachel said and now she was the one begging. "Just stop insisting, it's over"

Finn stepped forward and trapped her in a tight hug, burying his face on her neck. Rachel closed her eyes, circling him with her arms. He whispered something in her neck I couldn't hear, although I could tell by the way her face crumbled, that his words had hurt her someway.

Rachel pushed him gently away several seconds later, looking him in the eyes, her own filled with tears. "That's the problem, Finn, you just need me"

I heard the teacher's voice behind me and turned around spotting her walking towards our classroom. She was entertained talking with a student and I took advantage of the distraction to walk away from the door and across the hall. I saw some of our classmates entering the room while Rachel pushed her way out of it -tears in her cheeks-, Finn following close behind. Didn't he know when to quit?

"Hey, Finnocence!"

He turned around so violently at the sound of my voice, that he nearly knocked a girl walking near him to the ground. He probably thought I was intimidated by his excuse for a death glare, but the only reaction it could take out of me was laughter. I crossed my arms, watching Rachel turn the corner at the end of the hallway.

"I heard Treasure Tail finally got tired of you" I told him with a smirk. I didn't care I was being a bitch about something so sensitive but I never really cared about him.

"I bet you couldn't help yourself!" Finn spat out in my face.

"C'mon, Finnocence—"

"Stop calling me that! I'm sick of you! You couldn't keep it in your pants, could you?"

I was really enjoying the way his face was as red as a cherry slushie. "I'm surprised you haven't came to me before, since everyone found out I got there first like four days ago and they've been laughing at you in your back, Mr. puffy nipples. And honestly, what do you want me to tell you?" I asked him as I stepped closer to him. "That I fucked your little girlfriend?" I made a pause to chuckle and it was too hilarious the way he clenched his jaw and started to shake. "Oh, wait, I remember now you two were broken up thanks to me and your best friend, and oh, how I wish that wouldn't have been the case."

I shrugged one of my shoulders, smirk in place and started to walk past him with the intention of looking for Rachel.

"So, you only did this to mess with me?" Finn hissed making me stop. Always his big ego on the way. "You used her!"

I turned around to face him again and scowled at him. "See? That's the problem with you. You think the whole world revolves around you but new flash: You're no one. And honestly, if I used her, I don't think she had a problem with it because, now that you're so willing to hear me, I made her scream my name so loud I'm completely sure she didn't even think of you for a second."

I didn't stop to see his reaction, I turned around and walked away from him, immediately walking towards the girl's bathroom. Rachel had this bad habit to go there even knowing that wasn't the most private place for her to hide; and I wasn't mistaken. I found her in front of the sinks, wiping the tears on her cheeks. She immediately looked up, our eyes connecting through the mirror. Seeing her so broken made all the anger I was feeling from my encounter with Finn slip away and I was filled with guilt instead. I swallowed it all down, there was no way I was going to let her see it.

"You shouldn't be running through the halls crying, Berry. Everyone already knows you're a loser."

Rachel sniffled and broke eye contact, looking down at the napkin she was twisting in her hands. "What are you doing here?"

"What happened?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't"

"Then leave!" Rachel snapped looking up again, making me flinch with the intensity of her gaze. She was angry. She rarely let her anger out, it was hard to get this type of reaction out of her and she had to be really mad with someone to snap this way. "You're the last person I want here in this moment."

That actually stung, and I could understand she was angry with me even when she didn't have the right to be. I spilled the secret and made them break up but I wasn't really the one to blame for that. She did this to herself. She was the one who asked me to sleep with her. She was the one who wanted to hurt him. It wasn't my fault that they were broken up; and despite all of that, I couldn't help but feel responsible and bad about it. It wasn't my place. She wasn't my friend. I wasn't supposed to care about her. So, I turned around and left the bathroom, wishing I hadn't hesitated and stopped at the other side of the bathroom door, because that way I wouldn't have heard her sobs.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>AN: ****I made it!

Ah! Thank you all for taking your time to read this, really, and hope you liked this chapter. =D

Here the spanish sentences:

****"Santana, el pizarrón está al frente" ****"Santana, the whiteboard is at the front"

****"Lo sé" ****"I know"

**"Bueno, chicos, la clase terminó. Hagan la tarea y no olviden el examen" **"Alright, guys, class is over. Do your homework and don't forget about the test"


	3. Chapter 3

**Let's call it Love**

The streets were empty and cold sending shivers all over my body. I put my arms around my body trying to find some sort of protection from the cold, but it wasn't enough. Looking up at the sky, I could tell it was going to get dark soon, which meant I had to hurry because my house was still pretty far away.

I hated Finn, but I hated my feet even more. I was wandering the streets just after I got out of the dance studio and I ended up in front of Burt's machine shop. I wasn't really thinking where I was going, I was just walking. Some habits die hard and after so many evenings going there right after dance class, it was probably normal for my feet to carry me there.

I wished I had borrowed my dad's car, that way I would be able to wander the streets and take my time to think, being safe and warm and not here dying from hypothermia. I needed to think, to figure out what I was going to do with all of the things that were happening, because it wasn't just Finn and how much I was missing him, anymore. It was the play, the way my dream was minimized to nothing, the way it was just give it to me by default, losing all of its meaning; I felt like it was give it to me as a consolation prize. It was the knowledge that Shelby was again in town; that she was going to be in the school every day, reminding me that she now had the baby girl she so desperately wanted. I wanted to just disappear for a moment and came back again and found that all of these problems weren't there anymore, because I didn't even have someone to talk to, now that Kurt was also angry with me thanks to my decision of running for president. I got why he was mad, but I really needed something big to put on my resume.

The dry tears in my cheeks felt heavy and I became aware of the effort I was making to not burst out in sobs in the middle of the street I was in. People knew me in town and I didn't really need them to feel more pity for me; and anyway, I was taught my whole life to always keep my head up no matter what, even if my heart was being ripped from my chest; and feeling like it was, this was proving to be a really goddamn hard task to do.

I stopped shortly when I spotted a huddled at the edge of one of the sidewalks. It was a person and they had their head resting on their knees, shaking so hard I felt the sudden urge to hug them, even when I didn't know who this person was.

Expect that I did, because I was able to see their face when this person threw their head back, taking a deep, long breath. Looking around I recognized the houses surrounding me. It made sense, she lived near Finn's neighborhood. I walked towards the sidewalk and sat down, hearing a sharp intake of breath.

"What are you doing here?"

I studied her face and saw the track of tears down her cheeks, feeling even more the urge to take her in my arms until I was sure she felt good.

"I saw you got to play Anita, I'm really happy for you. I think you're excellent for that role" I said, smiling softly at Santana.

Santana looked at me for a moment without even blinking and I knew she was aware that I'd been crying too. After a whole minute Santana looked away and wiped her cheeks roughly with one of her hands. "I thought you were mad at me."

"What?"

"You seemed pretty upset that day in the bathroom." Santana said so softly, I barely heard her.

I honestly had forgotten about our encounter that day. I wasn't really angry with her because she didn't have anything to do with what happened with Finn, I was just so angry with myself in that moment and Santana happened to be there.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, Santana." I apologized.

Santana shrugged. "Whatever. And yeah, I'm perfect to play Anita, everyone knows that. It sucks what Mercedes did to you, though"

"Its okay" I said looking at my shoes, now it was my turn to shrug. It really wasn't okay and I cursed myself internally. I guessed Santana didn't want to talk about what happened to her, at least not with me, so I chose a different subject to distract her, but I didn't think in the fact that I was choosing a wounded subject to avoid another.

"It still sucks" Santana said softly. I agreed but I didn't say anything, I just kept looking at my shoes.

I didn't know how much time we spent sitting there just making each other company, but at least the silence wasn't uncomfortable and it felt nice to have someone just sitting with me in silence when I was feeling so devastated.

"I'm sorry" Santana said weakly after a moment. I looked up quickly, Santana was still refusing to look at me. When she was truly apologizing with someone, she never saw them in the face. I came to learn that about Santana, but at least she admitted when she was wrong. "I didn't mean to tell them about-"

"Would you want to come home and hang out with me?" I blurted out, stopping her. Honestly, I was sick of that subject being the only thing between us; and I needed it to end.

Santana looked at me wide eyed and I couldn't blame her, I was the one who didn't come up with anything better to stop her from finishing that sentence. I turned my head away from her and closed my eyes waiting for her rejection.

"Yeah, I'd love to" Santana said in a weak tone. I looked surprised at her. Whatever happened to her must've been really hard because she seemed so devastated.

I just nodded, pushing my surprise away before Santana had time to change her mind. "Then let's start walking"

"Actually" Santana said, putting her hand out of her pocket and I flinched when an alarm biped across the street. "We don't have to"

I smiled softly and stood up, offering her one of my hands. "I'm glad I ran into you then"

For the first time Santana managed a weak smile letting herself being lifted with my help. "I guess so"

* * *

><p>"It's almost dinner time. Are you hungry?" I asked, hanging my coat by the door and receiving Santana's. I eyed quickly her cheerios uniform and she noticed this which somehow made her uncomfortable.<p>

"I had practice this morning. I don't go around dressed like this all the time if that's what you're thinking"

"I wasn't thinking anything, Santana" I said, shaking my head. "You didn't answer me"

"No, I don't feel like eating" Santana huffed, crossing her arms.

"Look, I'm sorry if somehow I offended you, it wasn't my intention. Can we please move on now?"

Santana nodded but refused to look at me, choosing instead to look around the living room. "Whatever, what now?"

"I don't know, what do you usually do?" I asked with a shrug. I was starting to think this was a bad idea. I didn't have a clue of what to do with Santana there in my house, and I was starting to feel anxious to think I could bore her to death.

"On a saturday night? I usually go to a party and get drunk until I can't think straight" Santana said, finally looking at me. "Not that I do, anyway."

"Yeah, I'm not doing that" I told her, walking further into the house towards the stairs, and beckoning Santana to follow me.

"Then what do you do?"

"I have movies, music and books. That pretty much is enough to entertain me on a saturday night." I answered, crossing my bedroom's door.

"Impressive" Santana said and I could hear the amusement in her voice.

"What?"

"I was hoping to find the smurf's land crossing this door."

I rolled my eyes. "You couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"No" Santana chuckled, making me smile. I couldn't help it, I was starting to miss her obnoxious comments.

"Then what is it? What do you want to do?"

"Well, I'm sick of books and music, with school and glee is enough. I think I can handle a movie." Santana said quietly, her gaze still traveling around the room.

"Well, then make yourself comfortable while I'm going to find my dads' DVD collection, so we can pick a movie" I told her putting my bag over my desk and walking out of the room.

* * *

><p>Santana was curled on my desk chair a blanket covering her from the cold, while I was laying on my bed under the covers. We were in the middle of the movie and I was sure Santana wasn't paying attention at all. Ever since the movie started she'd been looking into space, sighing even now and then. It was obvious that she was still thinking in what happened to her, that had her so distressed when I found her sitting in that sidewalk.<p>

"Are you alright?" I asked out loud. She jumped a little and turned towards me. I barely saw her face because we were in the dark, only the faint light of the TV was lighting her face.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "You seem upset and…" I trailed off and looked away from her face. I didn't want to pry, it didn't feel right.

"It's been a rough day, that's all." She made a pause and turned towards the TV, I thought she wasn't going to say anything more but she spoke up again after a moment. "I just needed someone and… whatever, I'm fine, at least you're making me company"

I smiled a little at how Santana's voice dropped with every word and made a face, as she was berating herself for saying something she wasn't supposed to. We fell silent and I was turning my attention towards the movie again when a knock and the sound of the door opening alerted us.

"Hey, baby girl, I'm just-oh." My daddy stopped when his eyes landed on Santana's figure. I stopped the movie and smiled at him.

"Good night, daddy. Turn on the light, please." I asked him, and he complied immediately, smiling surprised at Santana. It made sense, he wasn't accustomed to see people in the house except Kurt, Mercedes or Finn, and after the recent events it was clear they weren't coming anytime soon.

"Hello, Mr. Berry" Santana said with a polite smile.

"Daddy, this is-"

"Santana Lopez, I know." Daddy said smiling at me. "I had the opportunity to meet your father before and I'm pretty sure Leroy and Maria are good friends. This is a small town, you know?"

I looked at Santana and could see she was surprised by my daddy's words.

"Anyway, did you guys have dinner?"

"No, daddy, we haven't had anything yet. I offered something to Santana, but she wasn't hungry at the moment." I answered and he looked at Santana.

"Still not hungry?"

"I'm fine, Sir."

"Well, I am. I'm going to make some food and if you two change your mind come down, alright?"

"Yes, daddy, thank you"

"Enjoy your movie" Daddy said, turning off the light and closing the door.

"He's…" Santana made a pause and I raised my eyebrows waiting for her to continue. "Perky"

I giggled at her amused tone. That was usually what people thought about him. "I've been told I'm a lot like him"

"And here I was trying to figure out who he reminds me of" Santana said with a roll of her eyes.

I giggled again and hit the play button. We kept watching the movie in silence, until Santana let out a loud shriek startled me.

"Oh my God!"

"What?" I said, putting my hand over my chest and getting out of the bed quickly, running towards the light's switch to turn on the light. "What is it? What is it!"

Santana was with her arms raised, looking down wide eyed at her covered lap. I frowned at the bump under the blanket. "T-there's a-an animal!" She shrieked again and I started to laugh loudly, finally understanding what was happening.

"W-why a-are you laughing? Get it off!" Santana shrieked again, looking annoyed at me. I couldn't help but laugh even harder.

"Oh, come on, Santana. It's just Shorty" I said walking towards her.

"Shorty?"

"Yeah, he must've entered when daddy opened the door." I told her, taking off the blanket from Santana's lap. "There you are, big boy" I cooed and chuckled at the way Santana was eyeing with disdain the big black cat curled in her lap. He was looking back at Santana with annoyance from being ripped from his comfy place. Shorty was my baby and he was a really friendly cat, he was harmless. Santana was just overreacting.

"Shorty? This thing it's easily bigger than you! And I never saw you like the type of person who have pets"

I looked confused at Santana. "Why? I love animals"

"Take him off of me!" Santana shouted, wriggling her hands in the air.

"Alright!" I exclaimed, taking Shorty from Santana's lap and cradling him in my eyes, smiling down at him. He was purring and I could feel the vibrations in my chest. He was such a cutie, Santana was being really dramatic. "I don't get why you're reacting this way. Brittany loves cats, I guessed you'd be used to it, since she has one"

"Tubs never tried to get over me. In fact, he hates me." Santana said, brushing her lap with her hands. "I think he thinks I'm trying to steal B from him or something"

"Well, Shorty here likes strangers. She used to climb over Finn's back and-" I had to stop myself when I realized what I was saying. I promised myself I would try to not think about him but it seemed like it was a really difficult thing to do, since he apparently was present in everything I did or say. I looked away sadly when I noticed Santana looking at me curiously, like she was trying to figure something out just by looking at my face. I put Shorty down and he climbed immediately on the bed.

"Do you want to go down now and eat something?" I asked, changing the subject while watching Shorty make circles in the middle of the bed before lying down, curled into a ball. "Daddy would appreciate the company"

"Okay" Santana simply said, and I looked at her out of curiosity. Our eyes locked and I had to look away quickly because Santana's burning eyes were like trying to read my thoughts and it was just so uncomfortable.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for inviting me over, Berry. It was cool" Santana said, unlocking the driver's seat door.<p>

"No, thank you for coming, I had a great night"

"Yeah, me too"

"See you on Monday?" I asked feeling hopeful for some reason; it didn't last too long because Santana avoided my eyes with an unsure expression and I understood I was asking too much from her. "Goodnight, Santana"

She looked at me again and opened her mouth only to close it again, clenching her jaw tightly. "Yeah, night, Berry"

I watched her climb in her car and drive off without even giving a brief glance back. I didn't know why I was expecting something different from Santana. We just spent a night together and like she said, she needed someone to hang out and I happened to be there. We didn't even talk much, just about the little bit of the movie we managed to see, and about Shorty. Santana even talked more with my daddy than with me. We weren't friends, we were just classmates. Still, I was expecting something more from Santana. It was just… I didn't have a clue of what and why.

* * *

><p>The day couldn't go any worse, I swear, between seeing Finn switching between looking miserable and flirting with the Cheerios and Santana throwing looks at me that I couldn't figure out; and seeing Shelby walk down the halls like nothing ever happened between us, it was making me go insane;<em> and<em> adding to all of that, I had been slushied just when I was about to step into my next class after lunch hour. I shrugged it all off since it happened frequently anyway.

After I finished putting on my clean clothes, I stepped out of the stall ready to go to class. I was actually out the door when hisses outside the bathroom stopped me. I recognized the voices and taking my things from over the sink, I hurriedly entered the stall again, climbing on the toilet seat.

The bathroom door opened such force, hitting the wall that the sound made me flinch. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to prevent any sounds from coming out.

"I thought you'd be there, honestly I don't know what I was thinking" I heard Santana's harsh tone, followed by Quinn's dry laugh. Luckily they didn't check the bathroom stalls looking for any intruders.

"Why would I be there for you? Did you forget I needed you last summer and you weren't there for me?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you now? And no, don't come with that. You know I would have helped you if you would've come to me, but you didn't!"

"We were friends! You were supposed to reach out for me!" Quinn yelled. Her voice was filled with anger and it was the first time since school started that I heard some kind of emotion in her voice.

"Were?"

"Yes, were. I have new friends now. Friends that'll stick with me"

Santana let out a sarcastic laugh. "The skanks, of course"

"They've proved to be better friends than you"

"You know what? This is boring me"

I really didn't know how it happened what happened next, but one second I was looking at the dirty stall's door and the next I was looking into Santana's shocked eyes through the mirror. I figured Quinn had pushed her against the stall's door because of the way Santana was clutching at her shoulder with one of her hands.

"What are you doing here?" Quinn hissed, pushing Santana away and taking me by the arm forcefully, yanking me down of the toilet. My eyes were still locked with Santana's, but this time I was seeing directly into them.

"I—I was-"

"You shouldn't be sticking your nose everywhere, manhands!"

I sent Santana a panicked look when Quinn opened the toilet's lid, her hand gripping tightly at my arm when I started to struggle against her grip. I was aware of Quinn's new hobby. Santana didn't react, she was like frozen in the place just looking at me with a blank expression.

"Since it seems like you already washed your hair, another bit of water won't hurt"

"Quinn- I wasn't- It wasn't my intention to-" I was trying to make her stop. What she was about to do to me was unsanitary. I didn't want her to shove me into the toilet, I could catch a disease and die. I threw another panicked look towards Santana and she seemed conflicted, her gaze traveling between us. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes preparing myself to be shoved into the nest of germens. Just hoping they were at least cleaned this morning, and perfectly knowing they weren't.

"Shut up, you-"

"Fuck off, Quinn, leave her the hell alone" Santana finally said, just when Quinn was about to drop me on my knees.

Quinn smirked, and pushed me towards Santana. I released a breath of relief and stood behind Santana, getting on my toes to look at Quinn over her shoulder. "Relax, Lopez. I wasn't actually going to do it. I was just seeing how much of a friend you are, since you brag so much about it."

I felt Santana's body tense and she let out a heavy breath. She was probably glaring at the girl in front of her.

"And don't try to deny it because I saw you leaving my neighborhood with her. So low, Santana, so low." Quinn said with a laugh, walking out of the bathroom.

I dropped my head waiting for Santana to say something. She didn't. She just started to walk towards the door.

"Santana…" I breathed out and she stopped turning around, burying her cold eyes on me. I took a step back, trying to push away the sick feeling in my stomach.

"No, we're even now"

"What?"

"You and Finnocence are over in part because of me, and you let me spent saturday night with you when nobody gave a shit about me. Well, this is me paying you off. We're even. I just helped you so I can get you out of my freaking mind" Santana told me, turning around and walking out of the bathroom.

Paying me off? What was she even talking about? I was confused. Santana was playing this hot and cold game, and I didn't have the energy, with all the crap I was going through, to figure her out, to think in her words and honestly I wasn't sure I was going anywhere if I did. I took a glance to my cell phone and saw I was thirty minutes late to my class, so I took my bag from the stall's floor and walked out of the bathroom.

* * *

><p>I was in the middle of recording one of my weekly music video when my phone ran, reminding me I forgot to put it on silence and messing everything up. I groaned, turning off the camera. Nobody ever called me and now they choose this exact moment, really?<p>

"Rachel Berry talking" I answered with annoyance.

"Look, I know I was mean and rude last week, but…"

I frowned taking the phone away from my ear and looked at the phone's screen for the first time, Santana's name was adorning it. I put the phone back on my ear.

"…I understand, you're pissed but I need you to help me"

I didn't catch all of she what she was saying, but she sounded desperate; I could tell even when she was trying so desperately to hide it.

"Berry!"

"No need to scream. What do you want?"

"Are your dads home?"

"Yes, my dad's home, why?"

"Shit!" Santana groaned. I was actually starting to worry, Santana was acting really weird.

"What is it? You're making me nervous"

"Can you come down?"

I walked to the window and opened the curtains, peeking outside for any sign of Santana's car. I didn't see it anywhere. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the left side of the house, under the small window. Please, come down" Santana asked me, almost begging.

I bit my lip and closed the curtains. "Alright, give me a second"

"Please, don't tell your dad I'm here"

"I won't." I assured her, hanging up.

Luckily my dad was in the basement doing some paperwork while listening music, which meant he was so concentrated he wouldn't hear a thing. I got out of the house without any trouble. I rounded the house and like Santana said, she was curled under the downstairs bathroom's window, her knees to her chest with her arms around them. Her hair was down and was cascading down, covering her face which she had down. I felt my stomach drop at the sight and ran towards her.

"Santana?"

She lifted her head quickly at hearing my voice and I gasped, putting my hands over my mouth. I let myself fall on my knees in front of her.

"Oh my God" I whispered, watching the bruises on Santana's face and the path dry blood left as it made its way down one of her eyebrows and nose. "What happened?"

"It's obvious, Berry, I got into a fight" Was her answer, but she seemed to realize she shouldn't be being a bitch with me in that moment. I shrugged it off, though, I was more worried about her injuries.

"We need to clean these wounds, let's go inside." I told her, trying to take her hands to help her stand up.

"No!" She exclaimed, putting her hands away from me. "Your dad can't see me like this. He'll call my parents"

"Santana, you can't hide this from them."

"Actually I can, with a little make up. They're not that bad, I just need to clean them but I can't go home this way. My little bro would see me and then I'm screwed. I have enough troubles already." Santana said looking pleadingly at me.

I bit at my lower lip. I couldn't just force her to come inside and I had to help her. "Alright, just give me a minute." I told her, getting up and running into the house again. I came back minutes later once I collected all the things I was going to need: gauze, soap, an ice bag, a bold with water, some towels and my make up kit.

"Thank you, I can do it myself, so—"

"Let me." I told her shaking my head once I was kneeled again in front of her. I expected her to fight back but she just nodded and I proceeded to clean her face carefully.

It didn't take me too long to clean her face and it was because she was so still she was barely breathing. I smiled at her when I finished. "Now, you need to put this on your cheekbone for a moment." I said putting gently the ice bag in her cheek. She hissed and I took my hand back. "Sorry"

She stopped me with a hand in my wrist. "It's just cold"

I hummed in understanding and looked into her eyes for a moment until she took the ice bag and held it against her cheek herself. I cleared my throat and sat beside her against the wall. We stayed silent just waiting.

I was feeling so curious. I wanted to know what happened with her last week. I wanted to know what happened tonight. I wanted to know why she got into a fight. Why she came to me after what she told me in the bathroom. Here she was again playing this hot and cold game that was starting to annoy me.

I looked at her and she was looking back at me. I let my eyes wander all around her face, she was right, it didn't look so bad without the dirt and the blood. "Can I ask what happened?"

"I'd prefer you don't" Santana said shaking her head slightly, looking suddenly angry. "It's better if you don't get involved."

I nodded and put my phone out, checking the time. "I think it's better if you get ready to go home now, it's getting pretty late"

"Yeah"

"Come on, I'll help you cover them; and you need to clean them and put more ice when you're alone in your bedroom, alright?" I said, opening the makeup kit.

Santana stopped me. "Don't bother. I'll do this. You've done a lot for me"

I wanted to protest, I wanted to help since she didn't want me to know what had happened; but she was looking at me so intensely, I just nodded and handed her the kit, sitting once against the wall to avoid her eyes. I watched her cover the bruises, flinching every time she hissed from the pain.

"How does it look?" Santana asked after a moment, putting the mirror down.

"Perfect"

"Ok" Santana said with a sigh, putting all the things back in the kit and handing it to me. "Thank you"

"You're welcome"

"Alright, I'm going now. I don't have my car with me, so…" Santana said, standing up. I started to gather all the things while nodding.

"Be careful"

"Yeah, bye and thank you again, Berry"

"Santana?"

"Yes?"

"Please, be careful" I said, looking up at her. I was suddenly feeling so worried about her. This wasn't normal and if she wasn't going to let me know what was happening, at least I was hoping she would understand what I was really trying to tell her, that I needed her to take care of herself. She looked at me for a moment before nodding and starting to walk away.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hope this made sense. I'm tired and this was hard. This is a bunch of ideas I have flying around in my head and I'm trying to mold them into this story, I really hope its working. Anyway, thank you for taking your time to read this.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Guys! Santana totally loves Rachel! They held hands and she gave Rachel her really sweet smile, and Rachel carried her home! Pezberry is on!

Wanted to tell you, I still don't have a beta and sorry if there's something wrong with this one, I get confused with the phrases sometimes, and at this point the letters are all talking to me and that's saying a lot since this is the longest chapter so far! So, don't be shy and tell me what you think, alright? I appreciate your comments, I don't bite, I swear. Hope you like this, and hope it makes sense!

* * *

><p><strong>Let's Call It Love<strong>

The auditorium was almost desert, there was only the few people cleaning it up and some teachers, but the backstage area was empty except for Santana, who was cleaning the makeup on her face. She wasn't aware of my presence, I watched the way she was cleaning her face which was almost makeup free. It took a couple of weeks for the bruises on her face to fade away, and it was such a relief that it didn't happen again.

"You were amazing" I finally spoke up and Santana looked up, her gaze falling on me through the mirror.

"I already know that" She said with arrogance. I rolled my eyes even when I couldn't help the smile.

"I was expecting a 'Thank you, you were incredibly amazing too, in fact better than anyone'"

"Why would I say that?" Santana asked, passing the cloth she had on her hand through her forehead, a smirk on her lips. I was actually offended. Was she seriously not going to congratulate me for my awesome performance? I mean, it was Santana, she hardly recognized the works of others, but come on! I didn't realize I was opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of the water, until Santana looked at me again, letting out a laugh. "Alright, alright, you were great, Berry you don't have to fish for compliments."

I chuckled and dropped my head, shaking it. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it was probably the best I was going to get from her.

"And thank you" Santana added. I looked up and saw the faint smile on her lips while she gathered her things.

"Are you coming to the celebration party?"

She shook her head. "I have other plans with Britt and Q."

"Oh"

"And—" She stopped abruptly, her gaze focusing in something over my shoulder. I turned around and was met with Shelby, who was smiling shyly at me.

I heard Santana clearing her throat, but I was focused on Shelby, who wasn't paying attention to Santana either.

"See you later" Santana said to me, and walked past Shelby throwing her dirty look over her shoulder, before disappearing from the view.

"You were excellent out there, Rachel. I know I already told you this but you really are talented and—"

"You don't have to pretend, alright? I'm not expecting anything from you, I already told you this. It's fine" I said, trying to walk past her but she stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"Rachel, wait"

"Seriously, you don't have to. You left it clear last year that I shouldn't expect anything from you" I told her, gently shaking her arm away from me. "I think it's late for us"

I started to make my way out of the auditorium, but stopped in my tracks when I spotted Quinn behind a rack of clothes, looking at Shelby without even blinking. I didn't stop to study her expression but I figured Quinn was probably angry or hurt.

It made sense. Shelby only came back to cause one of those reaction. She came back to not only rub that pretty, blonde baby on my face, but in Quinn's too. Puck himself told me about Shelby's desire for them to be part of Beth's life; and it seemed like Quinn wasn't having any of it. Actually, since Shelby came back to Ohio, Quinn's attitude was getting worse every day.

She wasn't going to affect me in any way as long as she stayed away from my life. That was her desire anyway; that was what she decided when she left Ohio with Quinn's baby.

* * *

><p>I thought we were going to celebrate with the whole cast, producers, and our families at the after party Mr. Schue threw for all us. Well, actually we were, the problem was that Noah dragged us to a different party, and I couldn't say no because all of them agreed that the party was lame.<p>

Finn, Tina and I were at the backseat of his truck, Mercedes and Kurt at the front with him, and Mike, Blaine and Rory were at the back of the truck.

"Stop whining!" Noah told me when I started, once again, to list all the possible horrible things that could happen to us in a place like the one he was planning for us to spend the night. "This party is going to be so much better"

"What am I going to tell to my parents when they found out I turned into a delinquent?" I chided back at him. "They're going to ground me forever!"

My back hurt when a heavy weight that was thrown over my shoulders and a horrible, horrible scent filled my nose.

"Shh, Rach, it'll be fun!" Finn said in my face, making me want to hurl. He was already drunk and we hadn't even reach the house this party was being thrown. I pushed his arm away.

"I don't deny that, I just preferred you would have let me stay where I know I'll be safe"

"Oh, shut up! I bet you'd be happy if Santana was here" Kurt threw over his shoulder from the front seat, Tina giggled besides Finn and Mercedes just snorted. I rolled my eyes when a saw the Noah smirking through the rear mirror, crossing my arms across my chest. Kurt was still mad at me and I hated it.

"Did you have sex with her again?" Finn whispered in my ear and I pushed him away, glaring at him, before glaring at Noah's head, hoping it would just explode with the intensity of my stare. He looked at me through the rear mirror.

"C'mon, Jew babe, don't be so uptight"

I shook my head annoyed and stayed silent until Noah parked the car. I honestly didn't have a clue how he found a spot, I guessed he just had it reserved or something. Everyone was out of the car and I felt myself being dragged back inside when I was nearly out of it. I gasped when rough lips were pushed against mine.

I pushed Finn away when I recovered from the surprised, but he dived in again.

"Dude, not in my truck!" Noah said, moronically. "Here, lock it when you finish and please don't leave a mess" He added, throwing the keys in the front seat, shutting the door close.

I pushed Finn away again and put a hand over his chest, stopping him from kissing me again.

"What is wrong with you?" I snapped, struggling to keep him at arms length because he was still fighting to kiss me again.

"Just… kiss me" He slurred, taking my hand from his chest. I turned my head to the side, his lips landing on my cheek and he started to leave open mouthed kisses down my jaw.

"Okay, stop" I said, trying to push him away. He was nearly on top of me and the scent of the alcohol in his breath mingled with the heat in the truck because all the windows were closed, was starting to suffocate me. I whimpered and tried to push him away but he wasn't giving up. It wasn't until he started to let his hands wander around my body that I had enough and pushed his face hard away. "Stop!"

He stumbled backwards and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Really, what is wrong with you? You're drunk! Ever since Noah started to give us all those drinks instead of the soda, you haven't stopped. You don't like to get drunk this way, what's going on?"

Finn put his face on his hand and growled loud, his shoulders slumping. "I'm a complete failure!" He said, looking at me with teary eyes. "The recruiter didn't like me"

He seemed so devastated and I scooted closer embracing him. He started to sob in my neck and I hugged him tightly. I was so focused in the play that I forgot completely about the game. He still texted me some nights to tell me about his day, I didn't reply all the nights, but he still did it. Most of those times he talked about this game and how important it was for his future.

"It'll be alright, Finn. There are other colleges and—"

"No! You don't get it!" He said, pulling back. "That was the only opportunity I have. I'm not good like you or Kurt, I'm not good enough for anything!"

"That's not true, Finn. You just have to look for other dreams"

"How? I don't even have you now, Rachel. You were the only good thing I have. Now I don't have you and I don't have a future, either." He said, taking my face in his hands. I looked into his eyes and I felt urge to take him back once again. I was so in love with him and seeing him this broken was killing me inside.

"Finn-"

"I need you to want me, Rach. I need you to love me again" Finn whispered, kissing me on the lips. I pulled away after a moment and leaned my forehead against his, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Please" He cried, and I closed my eyes tightly, cupping both his cheeks.

I could take him back and try again to save our relationship. It probably would work. He loved me, I was sure because he was here asking me to take him back once again. He wanted to be with me. He needed me just how much I needed him. But… there was a big but; the one that always had been there; the one that reminded me that this wasn't the first time this happened. This wasn't the first time we were giving each another chance; and my mind was screaming at me that this could happen forever, and I wasn't sure that was what I wanted. It was just too much energy wasted and too much pain that only brought back the reasons why I ended this relationship in the first place.

I opened my eyes and looked apologetic into his pleading ones. "I'm sorry"

"Rachel…"

"I can't—we can't do this again. I'm sorry" I told him, pushing him away. He took my hands and brought them to his mouth.

"I love you"

"I love you, too, but I can't, I'm sorry" I said, pulling my hands away from him and getting out of the car before he had the chance to say anything else.

* * *

><p>After a disastrous game of never have I ever, I had enough. I had a couple of shots running through my veins and after that horrifying moment in the gym when Brittany poured her whole stomach over me, I swore to myself I wouldn't get in contact with alcohol and drunken people unless it was necessary; and the guys were starting to get really disgusting with the questions and I needed to run.<p>

I couldn't go home until Kurt and Tina decided it was enough, since they weren't drinking and Kurt was the assigned driver and I was stuck here until they decided the guys had enough to drink, which was going to take a while since they were both having so much fun seeing the rest made a fool of themselves.

I was wandering around the house, watching with disgust how the people get waste. I reached the kitchen and got out of the house by the back door. The yard wasn't as crowded as the inside of the house. It made sense, the alcohol was there after all; but the few people out here were dancing to the music and it seemed like there was the private place for couples. I leaned against the wall beside the door and wrapped my arms around my own body, just looking into space. I was feeling a little dizzy, but it was nice out here.

My mind was still with Finn, I was mortified because I knew how hard it was for him to think good of himself sometimes. I always had Broadway and I knew I would be as devastated as him if I ever lose it. I didn't know what I would do if that ever happened; if someone came to me and told me I wasn't enough for Broadway. I shivered with the thought alone.

I was so focused on my thoughts that I was watching the interaction in front of me and I wasn't really registering what I was actually seeing, until my brain screamed at me 'Quinn Fabray'. I frowned because in fact, just feet away was Quinn Fabray accompanied by The Mack and a man. I thought she was going to be with Santana and Brittany tonight.

They were arguing. The man was trying to give something to Quinn and she was refusing to take it. She was mad, her corporal language always gave away what she was feeling: she was tense, I knew by the way her jaw was clenched and her hands were fisted at her sides. She was quiet, just hearing at whatever shit The Mack was yelling at her face.

I had to put my hand over my mouth to prevent any sound when The Mack's fist collided against Quinn's face, because the music here wasn't that loud and I didn't want to attract any attention towards me. The man took Mack by the arm and shook his head, glaring at her. Quinn didn't make a move to defend herself, she just stayed there looking at them.

The Mack pushed him away brusquely and yelled on his face. I could hear her voice, but I wasn't near enough to understand what she was telling him. He shook his head and threw something at Quinn's feet before storming away. I followed him with my gaze and saw him exiting from a back yard door that leaded to the streets.

I looked over to the girls again and found The Mack with a fistful of Quinn's hair in her hand, forcing her to look at her. I was surprised that Quinn was letting her treat her this way when she was so defensive and didn't accept crap from anyone. The Mack finished talking and shoved her away rudely, storming out in the direction the man went.

Quinn let herself fell on the floor, her shoulders shaking while she closed her fist on the ground. Not being able to take it anymore I walked towards her and leaned down, taking her by the arm to help her stood up.

"Quinn…"

Quinn's eyes widened and she pushed me away roughly, looking towards the direction her companions went. "What the hell are you doing here?" She hissed at me.

I straightened and frowned at her, my gaze following the little drops of blood that were falling from nose, down her chin and falling over the little blue plastic bags on the floor. I raised my gaze and she was looking at me with narrowed eyes, before she looked down and took them quickly, shoving them into her pockets while she stood up. I wasn't sure what those bags contained but I had an idea in mind.

"Are those-"

"Shut up" Quinn hissed, her gaze still looking nervously towards the back yard's door. "Shut up! You don't know anything. What you saw-"

"I saw the way The Mack treated you, I thought you were friends." I told her. She glared at me and took me by the wrist, dragging me with her towards the inside of the house.

"Where-"

"Shut up"

Quinn came to a stop in front of a door and opened it. It was a bathroom and it was empty, she shoved me inside following behind and closing the door, locking it. She turned around, glaring at me. "What were you doing there? How much did you see? Why are you even here?"

"Quinn-"

"Seriously, Berry, how much?" Quinn asked. How did she expect me to answer if she didn't let me talk?

"I saw him talking with you and Mack hitting you, that it's all." I told her. "And-"

She shook her head and I closed my mouth soundly. "Stay away"

"Who's he, why did she hit you, and what are those?" I asked, pointing at her pockets.

"I'm not answering your questions. Just stay away. I'm warning you" Quinn told me, turning around to leave. I was actually surprised that she hadn't ripped my eyes off for asking her all those question. I stopped her with a hand on the shoulder when she put a hand on the handle.

"Quinn"

Quinn turned around brusquely, shoving my hand away. "Back off!"

Now that was the reaction I was expecting. I raised my both hands in front of my chest. "I'm not going to ask any questions, just…" I looked down at her lips and she passed her tongue for them, cringing.

"I'm fine."

I searched for a napkin I knew I had in my pocket and extended it to her. "Here"

Quinn hesitated but took it. "Thanks." She mumbled. She didn't take her eyes off my face while she cleaned her face. "Seriously, Rachel, stay away from me"

I was surprised to hear my name from her lips, but I was even more curious about this whole situation. I wanted her to answer all of my questions. I had always genuinely cared for her. It was inevitable for me to feel that way towards her. "You know that is not possible. It seems like I always have to find out something about you." I told her.

"You don't want to know this time, and I don't really want you to hate more than you already do." She said, turning around and walking out the bathroom, leaving me with so many question and the 'I don't hate you at all' in my lips.

* * *

><p>I entered the choir room and scanned the room. Not all the glee club members were there, but it was the one I was looking for. I made a beeline towards the last row and sat beside Santana.<p>

"I need to talk to you about something important, Santana" I watched Santana's eyes roam around the room and then land on me. "It's about-"

"Why are you talking to me, manhands?" Santana asked with a bored expression, her eyes cold. I closed my eyes and frowned; sometimes it surprised me her skills to hide herself behind this ridiculous façade.

"I don't know" I told her, looking into her eyes, searching for an ounce of an apology or even waiting for her to tell me she was sorry and ask me what I wanted. I didn't find it. She kept looking at me with an empty stare and I stood up, going to sit in the front row beside Artie and Mike.

* * *

><p>Mr. Schue was still with his ridiculous idea of the dance camp. It was ridiculous, we didn't need dance classes, what we needed was for him to stop messing around and put all of the glee guys to work instead of letting everything to hours before the competitions. Whatever, I had two days of Glee free to myself and I wasn't going to waste them, so I was sitting out on the school's field-since the AV club needed the auditorium- trying to concentrate in my sheets and scheduling my practice hours. Or at least that was what I was trying to do, because the Cheerios practice was really distracting.<p>

Santana and Brittany were present because Coach Sylvester had one day at a week when she made them practice past glee's hour; and they both knew better than disobeying Sue's orders.

My eyes-that were supposed to be in the sheet music-were studying every movement Santana made. I had always liked to watch her cheering because Santana really enjoyed doing it. You just had to observe her to know that she was really passionate when it comes to cheerleading. Santana liked to performance, not matter if it was with the Cheerios or with the Glee club. It was nice to see her so free, and I couldn't understand why she had to hide in her HBIC façade when she was such a lovely person. I was sure of that, I had a glimpse of the tenderness, the sweetness, the version of her I was sure was real.

I was having this need, this strong need to keep unraveling who Santana was, but it was just so hard when the girl kept pulling and pushing me away from her. I needed that to end and it was definitely going to end. I wasn't going to sit and let Santana come and go from me as many times as she wanted; either she stayed or she didn't.

"Hit the showers! I hope you're happy with you mediocre performance, because I'm not!" Sue yelled into her megaphone. The way their shoulders fell at their Coach words, made me feel bad; and while I watch Coach Sylvester walk with anger towards the locker's room with Becky in tow, I suddenly felt grateful for having Mr. Schue as our leader, because it must be really hard to be under this woman orders.

Most of the Cheerios were almost inside of the locker's room, and I let my eyes travel around the field. I spotted Santana walking slowly, shoulder to shoulder with Brittany. I gathered my things and put them into my bag, running down the bleachers and towards them.

"Santana!" I yelled. The two girls stopped and turned around. Santana was frowning, Brittany just smiled at me.

"Hey, Rach, were you seeing the practice?"

"Yeah, it was awesome." I answered to Brittany's question with a smile, before looking at Santana. "Can I have a word with you?"

"About?" Santana asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't think we have anything to talk about"

"We have" I said looking intently at her. At least she wasn't looking at me with empty, cold eyes.

"Well, I let you guys alone" Brittany said. "Don't be rushed, S. Artie's mom is taking me home. He must be waiting already"

Santana looked quickly at her, her expression softening. "Are you spending the night with him again?"

"Yeah, his mom invited me over for dinner, she's so lovely!" Brittany beamed. "See you tomorrow" She added, kissing Santana's cheek soundly. I noticed the way Santana opened her mouth wanting to protest, but decided against it. "Bye, Rach"

"Bye, Brittany"

Santana watched her leave and then turned around, glaring at me and starting to walk towards the bleachers. "What do you want?"

"To make things clear"

"What the hell are you talking about?" She asked, walking behind the bleachers, I thought she wanted to sit and I scoffed because this was exactly what I wanted to stop. Was I really that bad for people to not want to be seen with me?

"This is what I want to let clear. You don't like when people see you with me, alright! But you can't need me one day and ignored me the next. I helped you, even without knowing what was going on. Either I'm your friend or I'm not. You aren't using me! Too many people have done that and I'm sick of it!" I finished my rant and was actually surprise that Santana didn't interrupt me in the middle of it.

"Jeez, Berry, calm your tits" Santana said. "I thought you knew this is how things are. I am my reputation and you aren't good for it. Cheerios don't like when they see me talking with you. In glee is fine because there are only losers."

"You insulted me in glee club today!" I exclaimed.

"So?"

I glared at her and then nodded. "Alright, then don't call me anymore when you need help because I won't answer." I said, turning around to leave, gasping when she pulled me back by the arm and pressed me tightly against one of the poles, one of her hands was over my mouth, and her warm, sweaty body against mine. Santana's face was so close to mine, I could feel her breath hitting my face, but she wasn't looking at me, her eyes were looking towards the empty field behind me.

"Be quiet" Santana whispered without pulling her hand off my mouth. I tried to push her away, refusing to let her manhandle me this way, but when I tried to move my hands I found out they were trapped by her other hand between our bodies. I didn't know when that happened. "Quiet, Rachel."

This was really freaking me out, so I kept pushing Santana's body to free myself. Santana pressed more into me, her eyes landing on mine, softening suddenly probably seeing the fear I was feeling in my eyes. "I need you to be quiet. Trust me, it's nothing bad."

I looked into her eyes long enough to convince myself she was being honest and the nodded. She nodded too and her eyes traveled once again towards the field. I waited just watching her face and feeling the way her body tensed at times.

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Santana released my mouth. "Son of a bitch!" Santana hissed, pulling away from me. I turned around and saw Quinn kneeling on the ground, the Mack with a fistful of her hair making her look at her, and I also saw a retreating figure. The image was even worse than the after party night.

I took a hold of Santana's wrist when she tried to walk towards them.

"Back off, Berry!"

"No, let them solve their problems!"

"She's hurting her!" Santana snapped. "You don't know anything, Berry, I have to help her!"

"Well, then tell me!" I said as desperately as Santana sounded. "This had happened before and I'm worried."

"You—wait," Santana stopped, turning around to look at me with narrowed eyes. "How—what do you know about this?"

"That's what I tried to tell you this morning. This happened the night of the after party. In a party Noah dragged us that night. What's going on, Santana?"

"Of course, this is what she was doing" Santana mumbled, looking towards the field. I did the same and saw the Mack walking away. Quinn stood up from the ground and started to walk in the opposite direction.

"Santana!" I exclaimed, following her when she started to walk away from the bleachers. I was so confused and they weren't giving me answers.

"Weren't you leaving before? Something about me not calling you anymore? Done, I won't. Now back off." Santana said harshly, starting to jog in the direction Quinn went. I stopped following her and just watched her leave. If I thought better about it, that was probably for the best. Both Santana and Quinn were a really hard puzzle to figure out, and it probably wasn't my job to do it anyway.

* * *

><p>"You have no idea—"<p>

"I'm not finished!" I jumped when I heard a hard slam. I stopped outside of Mr. Schue office where he and Quinn seemed like they were having a discussion, accompanied by Coach Sylvester and Becky. "You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn. How long do you plan on playing the victim card? Since day one, you've done nothing but sabotage the same Glee Club that has been there for you over and over again. When you got pregnant, when your parents kicked you out, Mercedes even let you live at her house. And I don't recall ever hearing so much as a thank you. So now you're a train wreck. Well, congratulations. And you stride into my office and tell me that it's my fault? Well, then, I have something to say to you. Grow up."

I saw Quinn ran off of Mr. Schue's office and turn a corner getting out of sight. I bit my lip considering if following her. What Mr. Schue just told her wasn't entirely true; actually, he didn't really know what he was talking about.

"Would you turn that thing off?"

"And... cut! Fantastic. I got-"

I shook my head and started to walk in the direction Quinn had just disappeared. I knew I wasn't going to find her so easily. She could be anywhere.

Since classes were still running and I was sure Quinn wasn't attending hers, I checked in all the classrooms and the girl's bathrooms, before deciding to look for her on the field, under the bleachers where The Skanks used to meet. None of them was there and I didn't have a clue of where to look anymore.

I decided it was probably better to leave her alone, so I headed towards Mr. Schue's office once again to talk to him about the Spanish test, which was what I was going to do when I witnessed the whole exchange. The melody of the piano coming from the auditorium stopped me on the way. It was probably Brad practicing some song Mr. Schue told him to prepare for this week. I used to corner him and made him tell me which songs Mr. Schue was preparing so I could be prepare too. He usually glared at me the whole time but at the end he always cooperated with me.

Smiling, I decided to make him a visit, and I was almost inside of the auditorium when the music stopped with a loud sound, the same the keys made when you just slam your hand savagely against them. I was sure this wasn't Brad anymore. Brad wouldn't do that to his piano. He treated the piano like a sacred object, just like it deserved to be treated.

I walked slowly to not make myself noticed and looked at the stage, finding the person I was looking before. Quinn was inclined over the piano keys, her shoulders shaking. I took a hesitant step forward but decided against it. It was better if I just let her be. Our conversation in that bathroom at the party was still clear in my mind, and the last time I tried to comfort her she just slapped me and honestly, with Quinn's latest attitude I expected something worse. I was nearly out of the auditorium again when music stopped me, as usual.

I always found fascinating that Quinn could play the piano. She'd never played for the Glee Club, and I was sure not all of them knew about it. I found out in our writing sessions, and Quinn was always so mesmerizing when she was playing, it was like she was finally able to be who she really was.

Only music was filling the air and I closed my eyes trying to concentrate on it, because I was sure I knew the song she was playing. I liked that she always made different arrangements when she played songs, making them her own; another thing I liked about Quinn playing the piano. I started to hum even before it finally clicked. This was a really sad song and it was actually one of my favorites.

I walked closer to the stage and leaned against one of the walls that hid me from the stage's view and without realizing I began to whisper so softly the song, following Quinn's melody.

"_Dancing slowly in an empty room; can the lonely take the place of you. I sing myself a quiet lullaby; Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again…"_

Quinn kept playing and I closed my eyes, stopping, feeling all the sadness she was probably feeling through the melody, and it made my heart broke.

"Keep singing" I nearly jumped out of my skin. How Quinn figured out I was there, I was never going to know. "I know you're there. Sing."

I took a deep breath and started to sing again, this time louder. _"I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most. I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well…"_

I pulled off the wall and started to walk towards Quinn, still singing. I sat beside her on the piano bench, my front towards the back of the stage, opposite to Quinn.

"_Broken pieces of a barely breathing story; where there once was love now there's only me and the lonely... Dancing slowly in an empty room; can the lonely take the place of you; I sing myself a quiet lullaby; Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again..."_

When the music stopped, I stayed silent just waiting for Quinn's next step. I didn't want her to feel pressured and really, I was afraid of what she would do.

"Why is always you?" Quinn asked quietly. Her tone wasn't hard, it was just sad and tired; like that time I spilled her pregnancy secret, and the night of the party when she told me she didn't want me to hate her. "Why is always you who get to see me this way? Why are you even here?"

I studied her face and even when she had her head down I could see the way her eyes were getting wet with tears, and she was clenching her jaw so hard probably refusing to let them free.

"The other night-"

"Don't" She said, looking up at me. I nodded and looked down at my hands on my lap.

"I was on my way to Mr. Schue's office and," I said instead, hearing a sharp intake of breath from her. "I couldn't help but…" I trailed off, not sure of how to continue. Quinn stayed silent for a moment and I was starting to feel uncomfortable, because even thought I didn't like it, sometimes it was easy when she just insulted me and hissed at me; this Quinn beside me, the one with the tired voice and the eyes filled with tears, was a devastated Quinn and I didn't like to see her this way.

"He's right." Quinn whispered after a moment. "I need to grow up. I…"

"No, he's not, Quinn… he—"

"What? He's right. I've done nothing but sabotage all the intents of friendship all of you guys had been trying to give me and I-He's right, Rachel." Quinn said, shaking her head and standing up from the bench. "He's right."

I watched her hesitated for a moment, but she started to walk backstage.

"What about that time you got us a full page in the yearbook, one of the Cheerio's pages?" I spoke up making her stop. She didn't turn around, but it was enough for me to know she was at least listening. "Or that time you left the Cheerio's competition to help us with the Thriller number. What do you say about Sam… you do help him, and—and I'm sure Mercedes knows you are really grateful for letting you have a roof over your head when you're family wasn't there for you."

Quinn shook her head and her shoulders trembled slightly.

"Mr. Schue doesn't know what he's talking about, Quinn. He doesn't know you, and neither do I, but I know for sure that it takes a lot of courage to be still standing after all you've been through. And it takes a really grown up person to let go something you created and brought to this world with so much pain." I told her, making a pause to take a breath. "And I've been wishing with all I have for you to see that and to be the person you really are, not what you're trying so desperately to be."

As I finished saying that, Quinn just started to walk into the backstage without looking back. I didn't have a clue of what was going on in Quinn's life, besides all the crap everyone already knew about her; and I really wished she would let me be with her, be her friend, because I knew what it felt like to be alone when you're feeling so sad and lonely just like Quinn let me know she was.

* * *

><p>"Rachel" Daddy called me, making me look up from the book I was reading. He didn't say anything more, he just beckoned me with his finger, disappearing into the hallway. It was pretty late and he was already in bed minutes ago, so it was strange to see him up again. I got downstairs, finding him standing at the front door, looking outside.<p>

"Miss, you need to stop that before you break our window" I frowned, hearing my dad's voice from outside.

"Daddy?"

"No, sir, I needs to talk to Rachel!"

My eyes widened and I pushed daddy out of the way, stepping outside. Dad was holding Santana by the arm and she was glaring at me, looking really pissed besides of really drunk. I was sure she was standing thanks to the hold my dad had in her arm because her body was slightly balancing from one side to the other.

"Well, you're failing miserably because that isn't Rachel's window."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Santana" I said, approaching them. I had to intervene before my dad lost it, because he never had patient with drunk people.

"There you are, hobbit, I've been throwing fucking rocks at your window and you won't answer!" Santana shouted at me, freeing herself from my dad's grip and stumbling towards me.

Dad looked exasperate at me. "You shouldn't have come down. I was about to send her home."

"I can handle it, dad" I assured him.

"Rachel, she's drunk"

"No, I'm not" Santana said, nearly bringing me to the floor with her when she threw all of her weight over me. Dad gave me an intently look, raising one of his eyebrows.

"Don't worry, dad, she isn't dangerous, I promise."

"I know who she is, Rachel."

"Who am I?"

"Come on, Leroy, let the girl handle this." Daddy said from the door. I gave him a pleading look, still struggling to keep us standing. His gaze traveled between my daddy and me a couple of times before he huffed.

"Alright but, we're calling her family." He accepted. "That's my only condition"

Santana let out a sob. "She won't care!" She exclaimed before bursting in tears, throwing her arms around my neck and crying on my shoulder. Dad just shook his head, helping me with Santana's weight.

"Just let's go inside, before I regret this" He mumbled.

They helped me carry her upstairs to my room and we lay her on the bed. Santana just kept sobbing the whole time.

"Call me if you need anything" Daddy told me, putting a bottle of water over my nightstand. "I'm gonna see what your father is telling her parents."

"Thank you" I told him with a smile. He smiled back and kissed my forehead before getting out of the room. I closed the door and walked towards the bed. I sat down at the edge and brought one of my hands to rub circles on Santana's back.

"Are you alright?"

"No!" Santana cried out, her voice muffled by the bed, since she was laying face down.

"Are you hurt?"

"Yeah, like a lot!"

I sighed, watching the girl's body tremble with sobs. I didn't have any experience with drunk crying people. Kurt usually passed out and Mercedes just laugh and laugh. Finn barely drank and when he did, he was an angry-but harmless- one. Only her daddy drank and when he was drunk, it was her dad who always took care of him.

"Do you need anything?" I tried again.

Santana's sobs stopped abruptly for a moment and then she sat up only to let herself fell again, this time over my lap. She buried her face on my stomach and her arms were now wrapped tightly around my mid section. I tangled my fingers on her messy hair and started to caress her scalp.

"That feels good" Santana mumbled. She was still crying, I could tell by the wetness on my shirt. "You feel good"

"Why don't you get some sleep, Santana?" I told her patiently, and she just hummed, staying silent for a second.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna- I'm gonna-"

"What?"

"I'm gonna puke" Santana said, sitting up quickly.

"That door!" I shouted quickly, shuddering at the memory of the Tik-Tok performance. I cringed and stood up, walking to the bathroom where Santana was already pouring her stomach on the toilet.

"Oh God" Santana groaned, hurling again. Once she was finished, she threw herself against the door of the shower closing her eyes, fresh tears were running down her face. I walked further into the bathroom and flushed the toilet.

"Want some water?"

Santana just nodded clearing her throat painfully. I got back into the room and opened the bottle of water my daddy left in the nightstand, and walked back into the bathroom.

"I think I have an spare toothbrush you can use and-"

"Shh, manhands… shh" Santana said interrupting me. I extended her the bottle and she drank half of it in just one sip, extending it back to me. I just stayed silent, looking at the way her eyes dropped closed. "Shh"

I wasn't sure what to do next, I put the bottle over the sink and just stayed quiet, thinking in how I was going to carry her to the bed because I was sure she had fallen asleep. Santana opened her eyes again after a minute, though, our eyes locking.

"Why're you so far away? Come here" Santana told me, patting the floor besides her. I bit my lip, and she glared at me when I didn't move an inch. "I'm ordering you, manhands, come here"

I sighed, choosing to ignore that. Santana was drunk and it was useless to get mad at her for calling me names. I sat beside her and she curled on my lap once again, closing her eyes.

"I likes you. You mades the world stop moving. I likes you." Santana mumbled after a moment of silence, one of her hands taking the one I had over her head, tangling our fingers. I smiled down at her and caressed her back with my free hand, enjoying the soft sound of her satisfied humming.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hey! Remember when Rachel carried Santana home? I do! =D

Oh! And thanks to those people who have this one on story alert, thank you all, you make me really happy!


	5. Chapter 5

**Let's call it love**

I was aware of several things when I woke up: a sickening feeling in my stomach, I was sweating and there was an obnoxious breath, and something wet against my forehead.

I opened my eyes and was met with a pair of green eyes surrounded by a black fur. I jumped back feeling my heart starting to beat faster, and a grunt was released behind me while my hand was squeezed, making me aware that it was trapped between someone else's hand. The cat jumped back too, looking at me with wide eyes.

"Sorry" A deep voice startled me and the black cat was lifted from the ground by none other than Hiram Berry. "He follows me around when he's not with Rachel."

I sat up quickly and Rachel automatically fell against me, her head resting on my shoulder. I looked down and frowned at our linked hands over Rachel's lap. I felt so disoriented; I didn't have the chance to feel embarrassed.

"Don't have a clue how you got here, huh?" Hiram said with an amused tone.

Now I was; and all I wanted was for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. I kept my eyes down because I was so embarrassed I was close to pushing Rachel away and running out of the door. "Sorry, Mr. Berry, I…"

"Don't worry" He stopped me, and I gave him a quick look. He was smiling at me. "Just do me a favor and wake her up so she can lay in bed, and you too. It's two thirty and she's going to be so tired in the morning, at least she won't have an awful backache or a sore neck"

I nodded in response and chose to look at the cat that was once again on the floor, when I couldn't look at Mr. Berry in the face anymore.

"Come on, boy, let's go sleep" Hiram said to the cat, who just looked back at him without moving an inch. "Do you mind if he stays with you?" Hiram asked me. I shook my head. "Okay, be good, Short"

Hiram left the bathroom, and I waited until I heard the bedroom's door closing to look at Rachel. She was sleeping soundly, her hot breath hitting my neck. She looked so comfortable I doubted she was going to have any kind of ache in the morning. I tried to free my hand from hers but she grunted, squeezing it harder and cuddling even closer to my body. I rolled my eyes. Even in her sleep she was annoying.

"Rachel, wake up" I tried, shaking her shoulder gently with my free hand. She didn't even stir a little. "Berry"

I looked exasperated around the room and rolled my eyes when I spotted the cat sitting over the toilet, looking unblinkingly at me with his wide eyes.

"So? Are you planning on staying there looking at me stupidly or are you gonna help me wake her up?" I told him and of course he just kept looking at me.

"Berry!" I shook her even harder and she just frowned. "Wake up! C'mon!"

Nothing.

I took her face by the chin and shook it gently. "Wake up!"

Rachel took a sharp breath and straightened her body, releasing my sweaty hand in the process. She looked at me wide eyed, her breathing ragged and fast.

"You would sleep through a screamo concert, wouldn't you?" I scowled at her.

Rachel passed her hands through her hair and studied my face curiously. "Santana, are you…?"

"Sober? Yeah"

"Oh…" She muttered standing up. She stopped in her tracks looking towards the cat that was still looking at me from the toilet, before walking towards her room. "What time is it?"

"According to your dad two thirty am" I said, standing up from the floor and following her inside the room.

"Was my dad here?"

"Hiram"

Rachel sat on her bed and took the clock from her nightstand, checking the time for herself. I stood awkwardly at the doorway of the bathroom, choosing to look around Rachel's room instead. This night had proven to be a colossal screw up and it didn't seem to end.

When I looked at her our eyes met, and I could tell she was as uncomfortable as I was from the way she was sitting completely straight, shifting ever so slightly in the bed.

"Should I leave now?" I asked, biting my lower lip nervously. I was mentally berating myself because this was just Rachel Berry. I never allowed anyone to see me this nervous and I wasn't going to start now, no matter how embarrassed I felt.

Rachel shrugged. "If you don't mind your parents yelling at you at this time of the morning…" I raised my eyebrows at her nonchalant attitude and waited for her to finish. "You should think better before throwing pebbles at my daddies' window." She snorted, shaking her head. "Never mind, you were drunk."

I scrunched up my face and looked apologetic at her, when images of Mr. black Berry throwing daggers at me with his eyes, ran through my mind, making me shiver. "Yeah, I'm told I do really stupid things when I'm drunk"

Stupid things I usually remember, making me want to bury myself alive from the embarrassment.

"And you cry" Rachel pointed out with a smile. I cringed and went to sit beside her on the bed. Yeah, I was aware of that and I didn't like it at all. "I have to say, though, I liked you better when you were drunk, this is really awkward and I wasn't expecting to see you here after what happened on the field**. **What was so important that you wanted to tell me, that made you come here?"

I frowned, searching my brain because the only thing I remembered were the drinks and the conversations with both my mom and Brittany, nothing else. "I don't know, I don't remember wanting to talk to you"

Rachel nodded and looked down at her hands that were playing with the hem of her tank top. I hadn't realized that she was wearing a really tight tank top with sinfully short shorts that could easily be confused with underwear. I had to force myself to turn away from her body before she realized I was staring.

"Look, I should go, I think I can handle my mom yelling at me. You should be sleeping instead of dealing with my crap."

"No, stay! I mean, i-it's safer that way. It's too dangerous for you to be wandering the streets at this hour." Rachel said, standing from the bed and walking towards her closet. "Let me find some comfortable clothes for you to sleep in".

She disappeared into the closet and reappeared a minute later, walking towards the bathroom. I watched the cat saunter out of there, and followed him with my eyes as he walked towards a cat bed placed beside the room's door.

"Here, go change. You can use whatever you want. There's soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, dental floss, whatever you need." She told me extending the clothes to me, with a fresh towel and an unopened toothbrush.

"Thank you" I told her, taking the clothes and walking to the bathroom.

I was expecting some argyle pants and a reindeer sweater, but it was actually a pair of grey sweatpants -that didn't reach my ankles properly, by the way-, and a wicked t-shirt -of course- that I was sure looked looser on her. It was fine, actually, they were comfortable and it was all I had, so I shook my head, stopping myself from bitching about them.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, and I didn't realize that the whole time I was in front of the sink, I kept avoiding looking at myself in the mirror until I flinched when I stared into my own eyes through it. I looked like shit and staring into my tired eyes only brought to my mind the night's events that I was so desperately trying to push away.

"_Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you tonight" Santana said, finding Brittany sitting in her living room once she got home._

"_Well, I'm here" Brittany said with a shrug, standing up and throwing her arms around her friend's shoulders, hugging her tightly._

"_Who let you in?"_

"_Alex"_

_Santana nodded. It made sense; her sister was probably the only one home, anyway. _

"_Let's go to my room" She smiled at Brittany and took her hand, dragging her along with her. "What are you doing here?"_

_Brittany shrugged and plopped down on the bed crossing her. "Artie cancelled our hot date 'cause his mom had some things to buy and he didn't want her to go alone."_

"_Oh" Santana exclaimed, putting her dress over her head, throwing it at her chair desk and walking to her closet._

"_Thought you could keep me company" Brittany called out. Santana took a deep breath and put on some shorts and a t-shirt. "S?"_

"_Yeah, sure, whatever" Santana said walking out the closet while putting her hair into a messy ponytail. She didn't look at Brittany. She couldn't. Not without blurting out how angry it made her to know Brittany was only there because Artie called their date off. Because since she got back with him -even after last year's fiasco-, she had been spending more time with him and his mom._

"_Right?" Brittany asked, giggling and Santana looked at her confused because she didn't even realize the girl was talking. But of course she was and she was obviously waiting for an answer._

"_I-"_

"_I think it'll look good on him, he likes gloves anyway. I've always liked that!"_

_Santana rolled her eyes and ignored her. She went to sit at the desk opening her laptop. Brittany kept ranting about Artie and his birthday, and Santana tried to block her voice out but it just ended up overwhelming her._

"_Alright, stop." She said, standing up and looking at Brittany who was now lying with her stomach down in her bed, just like she always had. "Seriously… stop talking about him."_

"_San-"_

"_No! I don't want you to talk to me about him, I don't want you to tell me about the fucking plans you have for his stupid birthday; and I certainly don't need to hear about how sweet and amazing you think he is."_

_At this point she was shouting at Brittany and she hated herself for it. Brittany frowned and sat on her knees on the bed._

"_I thought I could talk to you about this stuff, I mean you're my bestfriend. I've spoken about him, with you, so many times and you didn't seem to care..." Brittany trailed off softly._

_Santana scoffed. "I really want to believe that you honestly don't see it, B. I just can't believe you can't see it"_

"_See what, S? You're confusing me…" _

"_That I'm still in love with you!" Santana told her, approaching the bed. She was so feed up about Brittany saying how awesome Artie was, that at this point, she just needed to get that out of her system and let her know what she was actually feeling._

"_San, we got over this, remember? We're friends. We tried and it didn't work. I thought you were over this already"_

"_No, I'm not! And that's exactly why you need to shut up about him!" Santana said desperate. Brittany sat at the edge of the bed now, frowning. She was quiet and Santana knew she was trying to process everything. _

_She knew this was her own fault, because when Brittany decided to end their relationship she agreed with it and kept going on like nothing had happened. She was the one suppressing her feelings, and she even denied them every time they touched on the subject._

"_I thought you were over me, that you were fine"_

"_I didn't… I'm not. That was me pretending that I didn't care about it… about you" Santana said, coming to sit beside her on the bed. Brittany looked at her and she had tears in her eyes._

"_Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_I didn't want to lose you" Her voice broke and Brittany pulled her towards her body, hugging her tightly. She couldn't help but let her own tears roll down her cheeks. "I love you"_

"_I love you, too"_

_Santana pulled away enough to look her in the eye and cupped her cheeks. "No, I __**love**__ you. I'm __**in **__**love **__with you." She said, kissing Brittany on the lips._

_She felt Brittany responding to the kiss, but she knew it was just an involuntary reflex. Kisses were so common between them she was sure that was the only reason Brittany was reciprocating the kiss. Santana confirmed it when Brittany pulled away and looked at her sadly._

"_We can't"_

"_Why?"_

"_I love him, I can't hurt him"_

"_I love you"_

"_I-"_

_Their heads snapped towards the door when a loud knock echoed through the room._

"_Santana!"_

"_What?" Santana snapped, feeling angry with her mom for interrupting them. The door opened as a response and Santana frowned at her mom's angry expression._

"_Brittany, you need to go"_

_Brittany and Santana looked at each other confused, before Santana acknowledge her mom._

"_What's going on?" She asked, wiping the tears from her face. Maria looked at her firmly._

"_She needs to go. Now."_

_Brittany squeezed Santana's hand and stood up. "See you later, S"_

"_Wait, B."_

"_Let her go" Maria told her daughter. Brittany smiled at Santana and walked out of the room._

"_What the hell?"_

"_Don't talk to me like that, Santana" Maria said glaring at her daughter._

"_Well, you didn't have the right to make her leave!"_

"_What did I tell you about bringing her here?"_

"_Were you being serious?"_

"_Of course, Santana. What? Now I say things just because? I heard what you were telling her and you know perfectly well that I don't want Alex or Gabriel hearing you say those things to Brittany, that's why I forbid you to bring her here"_

_Santana felt like her mom had just stabbed her in the chest, repeatedly. Of course this was about her mom's fear of her turning her siblings that she's gay._

"_Do you know what you are? A hypocrite, mom. You cheat on my dad and that's okay, but I can't love whoever the hell I want."_

_It sounded worse than what it hurt. Santana felt satisfied by the fact that her mom slapped her, just because she knew that what she said was true, so she didn't have any other way of defending herself, other than violence._

"_Don't ever say that again, you don't know anything!" Maria said warningly._

_Santana didn't back off at her mom's hard stare. She kept their eyes locked until they heard the front door open and heard the strenuous and high pitched laughter, letting them know her dad and Gabriel were home._

I took a deep breath and lifted my hand, letting my knuckles graze over the skin of my cheek, the one that my mom abused. There wasn't a mark anymore, but I still could feel the harsh touch.

"Santana?"

Rachel voice was soft but it still made me jump startled.

"I don't want to interrupt but I think it's best if we-" She stopped abruptly when I opened the door. Rachel looked at me shyly before speaking again. "I'm sorry, but you've been in there for quite some time and I wasn't sure if…" She trailed off and looked away again.

"Stop apologizing, Berry. I'm finished" I said, pulling her out of her blabbering misery. I turned off the bathroom light following her inside the room before closing the door.

I eyed the bed and realized we were about to sleep in the same bed. The last and only time we were together on a bed, we were both naked and it probably wasn't a good idea for us to do it again. It would bring back too many memories to the surface, and I already had enough shit to deal with it, to add Berry on top of it all.

I saw her pull the covers off the bed and turn towards me expectantly.

"I can sleep on the floor, just hand me some blankets and-"

"No, I'm not letting you do that" She said, frowning.

"It's fine, Berry, don't worry, I can-"

"Get in the bed, Santana, I'm not letting you sleep on the floor." She said, putting her hands on her hips. "If the problem is that it disgusts you so much to sleep with me, then you can sleep with your head to one end of the bed and I can sleep with my head on the other, and we can even built a barricade in the middle. My bed's big enough to do that and we'll still be comfortable, but I'm not letting you sleep on the floor"

I had to bite my lower lip in an attempt to hide the smirk. She was looking at me with her crazy eyes, the same she had every time she was determined to have a solo. I bet it would be a lot easier if she knew the "disgust" she was talking about was really my fear of jumping her –thanks to what little she was wearing- without any other reason besides my attraction to her.

"Alright, alright" I said, taking off the covers from my side of the bed and laid down with my head to the foot of the bed. "Happy?" I asked her, leaning on my elbows to look at her.

"Very." Rachel said with a big, annoying smile and nodded handing me one of her pillows. I smiled and rolled my eyes, putting the pillow under my head and covering myself with the duvet. She watched me the whole time and after I was settled she walked across the room and then the lights went off.

"Night, Short" Rachel said and I closed my eyes feeling the bed dip seconds later. I opened my eyes again and saw her with her back towards me. "Sleep tight, Santana"

"You too" I said through a yawn.

I was tired but as tired as I was, I was also aware of everything. Our breathing sounded so loud in my ears and every little movement the fucking cat made from his bed across the room, I could hear it loud and clear. I was afraid of even moving a muscle. I didn't understand why I was feeling so nervous. It was only Berry. Alright, it was only Berry with so little clothing on, lying beside me, and it was Berry's sweet scent surrounding me and _damn,_ I was being such a horny fuck. I growled and took the pillow from under my head and covered my face with it, which made everything worse because her scent filled my nostrils even more.

I felt Rachel move beside me and I took the pillow away from my face. She was now lying on her back, but I couldn't see her face enough to know if she was awake or not.

"Hey Berry?" I tried.

"Yes?" Rachel answered immediately. Maybe I wasn't the only one feeling uncomfortable. Now, I didn't know what to say, I just wanted to know if she was awake.

"Can I ask you something?" She spoke again, filling the silence for which I was very thankful for.

"Shoot"

"Is this normal?"

"What? Me getting drunk as fuck and nearly breaking people's windows, people I'm not even friends with" I said and she stayed silent, making me wish I hadn't opened my mouth. "Was your dad really pissed off?"

"He just doesn't like drunken people" Rachel answered quietly. I knew she was trying to appease my embarrassment; but I still wished I hadn't made a fool of myself in front of her dads.

"I use to get drunk only when I'm at a party and because I'm having fun with my friends but…" I trailed off, closing my eyes. For some strange reason I was afraid of telling her that I actually needed to drown my brain in alcohol to see if I could forget about all the shit my mom and Brittany made me feel that night.

"Do you remember why you came here, what you wanted to talk to me about?"

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. She was making talking with her so easy, but I couldn't just tell her everything. I didn't want to, and I was sure I wasn't ready. Putting aside all my bitchiness, I was aware I owed her a lot. Rachel was somehow important to me, and still I was incapable of letting her in.

"No, I don't" I answered, moving so I was giving her my back, and closed my eyes. She breathed out a very soft 'alright' and the conversation died with that.

She probably thought I was lying, but I wasn't. I remembered the fight with Maria, the sneak out to the liquor store, the bickering over the phone with Quinn, and the phone call from Brittany I ignored. Nothing else. I dug and dug in my brain trying to find the piece that had the answer of why I ended up at Rachel's house and what the hell I wanted to tell her, but I fell asleep before that could happen.

* * *

><p>A slight tremor roused me from my sleep, and next thing I felt was an extra weight over my back. Honestly, I was expecting to have one of Rachel's legs, or hell even half or her whole body on top of me, but not a fat black cat that was cleaning himself so comfortably over my back, suffocating me.<p>

I growled and buried my face in the pillow. Lord Tubs was a lot nicer, he didn't even acknowledge me; and this one seemed to adore me.

"I'll count to two and you'll be off of my back, cat" I told him. I couldn't see his expression but he was probably ignoring me because I could still feel him moving.

I shook my whole body, successfully making him get off me, but I also woke Rachel up. I turned on the bed and chuckled lowly at seeing her with tousled hair, rubbing her eyes and yawning loudly with a hand over her mouth.

"You're even uglier in the morning" I teased her, sitting up. She jumped up, looking at me wide eyed, like she had forgotten I was there, which was probably the case.

"Uhh…" She mumbled, looking to her side towards the nightstand. "Morning?" She offered, trying to tame her messy hair with both her hands.

I smirked. "Hey, if I tell people about this they aren't going to believe me. Rachel Berry isn't as verbose as she is in the morning."

"Why are you awake at this hour and making such mean jokes?" Rachel mumbled clearly annoyed, lying back down, giving me her back.

"And she's also grumpy!" I exclaimed bursting out in laughter, only receiving a hum as a response. I couldn't stop chuckling for several minutes, because really, her reaction was so funny and I never had the opportunity to see her like this, so carefree;actually I didn't think too many people had.

"I was feeling lonely" I told her, recalling the conversation we had earlier. "And it was like all of my problems were crushing me with its weight."

She didn't move and I frowned not sure if she had fallen asleep again. I couldn't stop talking, though.

"I thought that if I got shitless drunk, I would be able to forget everything for a moment." I scoffed and shook my head, realizing how stupid I sounded. She turned around and just looked at me, she didn't seem like she was going to say anything. Her eyes weren't even judging me. "I'm being honest when I tell you I don't know why I ended here; I'm surprised I didn't have word vomit."

"You did vomit" Rachel spoke up, her voice raspy. I chuckled.

"Sorry"

"It's okay" She breathed out, smiling softly, and looking at me with searching eyes.

We fell silent just looking at each other. I couldn't believe how precious I found her just lying there with her messy hair all over her pillow and looking lazily back at me. I sat up and looked down at my hands over my lap with a frown. I was being so cheesy, and I couldn't even continue berating myself because a soft hand was put over my leg attracting my attention towards its owner.

"You can always come here the next time you feel that way, you know? I won't ask questions and we can just hang out." Rachel offered. "But you need to be sober"

I laughed softly at that, but shook my head looking away from her. What she was offering was a friendship in disguise. I knew that if I allowed myself to do that, I was inevitably going to grow fond of her; and all the crap I've been feeling since I woke up in her lap, our hands linked, were proof of that. Honestly, I didn't need another person in my life to let down. Besides, Rachel was loud, bossy, and obnoxious and I was a colossal bitch so we would just end up killing each other trying to build a friendship.

I looked at her and came up with the same excuse I always had when I didn't want people getting too close. "I don't think that's a good idea, people will-"

"I don't care. We don't have to tell anyone" Rachel said, leaning on one of her elbows so she could look at me better. She had that determined stare once again, and all I could do was look back at her, as if I was waiting for her to take her offer back and throw me out of her bed and her house, knowing perfectly well she wasn't going to do it, because right there in front of me was the most incredible human being I could ever known, and that was exactly why I wasn't going to put her through my bitchiness and crap.

I pulled the covers off and sat at the edge of the bed giving her my back. "I should go now, if your dads told my mom about last night she must have the shovel ready to bury me."

I felt the bed dip and then I saw her walk towards her closet. I sighed, walking towards the bathroom where I left my clothes, to get ready and go to my _lovely home._

* * *

><p>The really shitty side about my Abuela not wanting to have anything to do with me was that I didn't have anyone else to be with when mom was being a bitch. I was feeling so alone and I cursed myself for not being able to keep hiding my feelings away from Brittany. It wasn't like she was angry with me. She had been calling me, and I had been avoiding her because I didn't know how to handle the situation, so I was pushing it away.<p>

What was the point anyway? I told her I loved her, and she left me hanging because of Artie, twice. I told my Abuela about my sexuality only to be rejected, so what I got from all of that was that I should just let it all in before it ended up fucking up my entire life.

I was wandering the streets in the car because there was no way I was going to be in the same place as Maria. She yelled at me for like two hours, ranting about how embarrassed she would be when she had to face Leroy Berry; of course she was angrier because of what people would think of her. I rolled my eyes and turned a corner, smirking when I spotted Berry walking down the street; talking about Berries.

I slowed down and drove behind her so she couldn't see me yet. She was wearing sweatpants over what I supposed was a leotard. I guessed she was walking home from dance class. I sped up until I was besides her and rolled down the passenger's seat window. She looked at me wide eyed, one of her hands inside of her bag.

"Why the hell you don't have a car, Berry?" I shouted, leaning towards the passenger seat.

Rachel closed her eyes tightly taking a deep breath and put her hand out of her bag, while the other clutched at her heart.

"Hello to you too, Santana" Rachel greeted me with a smile, seconds later. "What are you doing here?"

"Going home?"

"Yes"

"Get in"

She hesitated but opened the door, getting into the car. I rolled her window up and started the car again.

"So, you didn't tell me what you're doing around here" Rachel asked. I kept my eyes on the road, shrugging.

"I was bored as hell since my mom grounded me and took everything away from me. Good thing Alex isn't"

"Wait, you're grounded? Santana, this is very irresponsible and-"

"Save it, this isn't the first time I do this"

Rachel stayed silent for a moment and I threw a quick glance towards her. She was looking down at her hands.

"You're lucky, you know?" I spoke up because the silence was making me uncomfortable.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm giving you the privilege of my presence. I think I can handle some time with you" I said with a smirk.

Rachel scoffed. "Oh, Santana, that's very egocentric of you" She said in a fake sweet voice. I laughed, and she joined me.

Once in her house I settled on the living room, waiting for Rachel to take a quick shower and change, after she apologized like fifty times for not having time at the dance studio to do it.

She insisted that I watch some tv or listen to music while waiting, but I preferred to wait for her quietly. I was starting to believe that was a really bad decision. I kept throwing glances to the door and I was aware my leg was bouncing up and down. I didn't want to deal with her surely judging and pretty angry fathers. I had enough with Maria already.

"You seem at the verge of a nervous breakdown"

My head snapped towards the stairs. She was wearing again one of those short shorts -didn't she feel cold?-, her hair was down and wet, and a sweet scent was filling the air. My eyes were traveling down her long legs when she cleared her throat making them snap back to her face. She was blushing, and I scowled at her trying to hide my embarrassment.

Rachel cleared her throat again. "Wou- would you like something t-to drink?"

"No" I grumbled. I was feeling like an idiot for letting her see me staring. I was over the 'Oh my god, I like Rachel Berry' phase, but I didn't need her to know that, and certainly I didn't need the visual stimulation that only brought back memories. God, this was so awkward.

I stood up and looked at her. "So, Berry, anything fun we can do before I get bored and decide to go back to my jail?"

"Umm… well, there's tv, movies, board games: scrabble, twister-"

"Yeah, scrabble, whatever, just bring me out of my misery" I said waving my hand with disinterest.

Rachel smile was big and devious. "Let's go to the basement then"

* * *

><p>"Santana, for the third time…" Rachel said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You can't use Spanish words!"<p>

"Look, it's still a word. You're just mad that it is a triple word score and that it has a z in it!"

"We're playing in English!"

"You're such a sore loser!"

"I ignored the time you chose the letters right from the bag, Santana. I'm not letting you get away with this!"

"Sore loser!"

"I can't even remember right now if that word even exists"

"Whatever, it exists and it stays, deal with it"

"No!" Rachel said, reaching to put the word away from the board, but I was quicker and took her hands right before she was able to put it away.

"Berry…" I said warningly.

"Santana…"

Rachel was such a sore loser, and yeah, okay, I deliberately put the letters out of the bag to form a high score word when she was occupied getting her big fat cat down the stereo, and she didn't stop me so it was her fault; but this time I wasn't cheating at all. I formed the word "caza" and it was real. If she didn't let me have it, I was going to make a real hunt and she was so going to be my prey.

Rachel tried to use her other hand and I took it too. Our eyes locked in a deathly stare. She stood up and I followed her, now hovering over the little table we were playing on.

"Let me go!"

"Back off, Berry. You're winning by 40 points!"

"That's because you-"

She stopped, widening her eyes as we both looked down finding Shorty sitting over the board.

"Shorty!" Rachel shrieked.

I growled, releasing Rachel's hands and collapsing back on my chair. Didn't that cat know anything better than climbing on people and their stuff?

"Don't worry, if we lift him carefully we can save the game" Rachel said, eyeing the cat with her hands on her hips.

"Forget it, I don't want to play anymore. You're a sore loser"

"And you're a cheater but you don't see me complaining" She spat back.

I scowled at her. "Whatever, let's do something else."

"Another game?" Rachel grinned, making me smile.

"Yeah, Berry, I need my revenge"

"So, you're accepting I won?" Rachel laughed, picking up the cat. "Did you hear that, Short? You're my witness I beat Santana in scrabble!"

I rolled my eyes, eyeing the few tiles that fell down to the floor when she lifted the cat. "Fucking hurry up"

"Language, Santana" Rachel told me, kissing Shorty and putting him in her chair. "Please, pack up the scrabble while I look for another game."

I stood up and started gathering the scrabble tiles while Rachel went to the closet.

"Guess who, Pictionary, monopoly or twister. Well, I don't think twister is a good idea because-"

"Bring it"

"What?"

"Twister, let's play twister"

"Santana, we're two"

"So? I want fun. Twister can be interesting with only two players." I said, without looking at her.

"I don't see the point in playing with only the two of us; and I honestly can't see how you find it interesting"

I turned around and raise one of my eyebrows, smirking at her. "Are you afraid?"

"Why would I-"

"You know I'm totally winning, that's why you're so afraid to play"

Rachel gaped at me for a moment and then turned around, pulling the game out of the closet.

"It's on, Santana" She glared at me.

We set the mat on the floor beside the table we'd been playing on and Rachel eyed the mat with her hands on her hips shaking her head.

"Someone has to be the spinner, Santana, how are we going to do this?" She asked. This wasn't the first time I had played this with only one person.

"Easy. We'll take turns. You tell me where to put my hands and feet and I'll do the same for you"

"What? No! That's not how this game works. You'll cheat again!"

"There's the whining again!" I said, throwing my hands in the air. "Don't be a chicken"

"I'm not!" Rachel said in a high pitched tone. I raised one of my eyebrows, making her cleared her throat before nodding. "Alright, we're playing this way BUT I have a condition."

Oh, wow, now the game was going to be even more exciting. I smirked.

"If I win you're calling me by my first name, no exceptions and even at school"

Well, that wasn't so bad. I narrowed my eyes at her. "And if I win then you're doing whatever I want."

"That's not fair!"

"Whining..."

Rachel closed her mouth soundly and rolled her eyes. "I told you what I wanted. You can't say that, you have to tell me what you want."

"I haven't thought about it yet"

"Fine, but no nudes, no public humiliation" Rachel said pointing a finger at me. I smiled, raising my hands in front of my chest.

"Too much talking, Berry, let's play"

"Enjoy the last time calling me by my last name because I am so winning this!" Rachel said, putting up the sleeves of the hoodie she was wearing.

* * *

><p>"Right hand yellow" Rachel said, her voice trembling.<p>

We were both sweating and sore, well, I was, everything fucking hurt and for the way she was breathing and her body was trembling under me, I knew she was in pain too.

"I-I-I don't th-think I c-can" I said, swallowing hard. "Maybe we should end the game."

"If we stop now I'm the winner"

"No way!"

"Then right hand yellow!" She shouted impatiently.

"Alright" I said looking right at her face, since it was so close. She was bent backwards and I was hovering over her. I was sure that if moved my hand to the spot she wanted me to, we were both going to end falling. Hell, there was no way I could move without falling, but I wasn't giving up without trying either. I tried to move my hand but as I expected, my body gave up and we both collapsed to the floor. She shrieked and her arms flew to my neck, circling it, pulling me completely down, our cheeks brushing together.

I really tried to put my hands down to not crush her, but my arms were so sore for trying to hold myself up for so long, I didn't have the speed to do it.

I felt her whole body shook violently and I started to freak out since I couldn't see her face, until her strenuous laughter echoed through the basement. I couldn't help but laugh along with her. Her laugh was just so contagious.

We didn't move, we were just lying there, laughing. I pulled back, finally gaining strength in my arms and looked down at her with a smile.

Rachel blushed and looked away from my eyes, though she was still giggling. I felt my face getting hot and I just couldn't keep looking into her face at this distance anymore, so I tried to stand up but she tightened her grip on my neck, pulling me down and crashing our lips together.

At first I was about to push her away because what the hell? Why was she kissing me? Then I thought of how many times I found myself staring at her, especially these past few days and then her tongue over my lips was playing so deliciously, making me remember that there were only three people I ever really enjoyed kissing and she happened to be one of them, even when it only happened that day; and oh god the images.

I pushed up her body and I didn't realize one of my legs was between hers until my thigh pressed against her center. She pulled away from my mouth with a moan and I froze just looking at her, her eyes were closed tightly, and she had her lower lip trapped between her teeth.

I waited until she opened her eyes and I smirked down at her when I saw them even darker. She opened her mouth, I wasn't sure if to speak or breath, but I wasn't about to take the risk and let her screw up this moment with her talking, so I connected our lips again.

She kissed me back eagerly and I smiled against her lips, before whimpering when she pushed her tongue past my lips. Her hands caressed my back up and down, making me push against her one more time. She groaned tangling her hands in my hair, like she was trying to pull me even closer.

I pulled away from her mouth and started to kiss all along her jaw line, really, really enjoying the way she was writhing under me and the little needy noises she was making.

We kept grinding against each other until we heard the front door closing. We froze, our eyes wide and our breathing ragged.

"Rachel, are you home?" Leroy's voice sounded muffled.

"I don't think he would like the idea of me boning his little girl, over one of his family games" I told her. Rachel chuckled pushing me off of her.

"Don't be so crude."

"It's true" I pointed out with a smile, while trying to tame my hair with my hands.

The basement's door opened and Leroy looked between us curiously.

"Hi, dad" Rachel greeted him, standing up and approaching him. Leroy kept his gaze on me -now frowning-, letting Rachel pull him down by the shoulders to kiss his cheek.

I looked away and stood up. His gaze was pretty terrifying. "Good evening, sir"

"Night. Good night, Santana" He told me, his tone serious. "Having fun?" He added, now looking at Rachel.

"Yeah, we were playing twister." Rachel nodded, smiling at him.

"Can we...?" Leroy asked Rachel pointing towards the door.

Rachel looked at me. "I'll be right back."

"Don't worry"

I sighed and picked up the mat, folding it. It seemed like I wasn't going to make a good impression with Mr. black Berry. The way he was looking at me was totally creepy; but oh well, he had his reasons, I mean, he found us both breathing heavily, and all flustered while sitting on the floor. I don't think he considered a twister game to put people in that state, unless he had seen really competitive people playing it.

Rachel came back down a minute later. "He's wondering if you're staying for dinner?"

"I don't think that's a good idea." I chuckled, putting the mat into the box. "And I probably should get going. Alex is so going to hold this against me"

"Alright"

I looked at her and she was looking at me with a faint smile.

"What?"

Rachel shook her head. "Nothing, I'm just thinking that since I won you now have to call me Rachel"

"Since you won?" I chided. "You didn't win, that was-was-"

"Who's whining now?" She laughed making me growl. "If I remember correctly YOU were the one who fell"

"You did, too!"

"Because you were over me!"

"Whatever, Berry" I said annoyed, crossing my arms. This was totally unfair.

"Excuse me, what?" Rachel asked, angling her ear towards me.

"Rachel" I mumbled, rolling my eyes. Rachel had a huge smile on her face, nodding.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for whatever this was…" I told her looking up at her through the driver's window.<p>

Rachel shook her head, smiling at me. "No, thank you"

"See you at school?"

Her eyes lit up and she smiled even bigger. "Of course, Santana"

"See you then"

I was really grateful she didn't try to bring the kiss up. At the beginning of the day I was thinking in how much my life sucked, and it wasn't like Rachel magically changed that, but I definitely had fun with her. It was surprising how easy I was finding being with her, and it would suck for it to change because of a meaningless kiss. I was totally willing to stop being a complete bitch to her, or at least try; because as I saw her watching my car from her sidewalk through the rear mirror, I thought of how easy Rachel was making being a nice person to her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Happy New Year everyone!

Hope you enjoyed this!

And thanks Lauren for your time =D


	6. Chapter 6

**Let's Call It Love**

"So, tonight's Friday night, right?

Closing the faucet I stilled my movements so I could hear closely what Santana was saying.

"Right?" She repeated, her voice coming from the living room. I smiled and continued washing the dishes.

"Yes" I finally said out loud.

"Which means we need to have a little fun"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Then drop the dishes and come over here"

"I'm almost done!" I shouted back. I would have been over by now if she hadn't just finished eating and going to lay down with Shorty on the couch.

Once the dishes were all cleaned I walked to the living room while drying my hands on a towel. "Done" I told her leaning against the kitchen's threshold.

"Took you long enough" I couldn't see her so I rounded the couch and found her lying down, one of her hands down caressing Shorty's ear while he lie down on the floor in front of the couch. "As I was saying, we're having fun tonight"

She stood up and walked over me taking me by the wrist and started to drag me towards the front door.

"Oh, no no no, I'm not leaving the house. I told my dads I was—we were staying home"

"So? I've told my parents that too and they never found out that I was completely lying. Do you do everything they say?"

"Of course! They know what's best for me" I told her placing my hands on my hips.

"You're a complete disappointment" Santana said with a frown. I rolled my eyes. "C'mon, Rachel! They're on a date which usually leads to hot sex, that of course they're not sharing with you which means you're not seeing them until tomorrow morning OR evening"

"Oh gross" I scrunched up my face becase the image of my fathers having an intercourse was completely disturbing and so not what I wanted in my head for the rest of the night. Santana chuckled before continuing with the pleading. I knew she was only dragging me to this party because she needed I ride since her mom took her car away.

"C'mon, hobbit, don't make me regret spending my time with you. I've been here the last two Fridays doing nothing with you."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "You said you had fun"

"And I'm not saying I didn't. My point is we did what you wanted now's my turn."

"I don't know, Santana"

"It'll be fun. We'll go, have fun and you'll be safe here when they come back."

I bit my lip looking at Santana's face. She narrowed her eyes when I didn't give a quick answer.

"Don't be a wuss"

This only called for trouble but it was hard for me to say no now that Santana's expression change for that manipulative pout she was getting used to use to convince me.

"Alright" I accepted earning a smirk from Santana. She took my wrist again dragging me out of my safe home.

* * *

><p>"Shit!"<p>

"What?"

"Of course he would invite all of the squad too" She mumbled looking towards the house. I followed her line of sight. The Cheerios, of course. They weren't in their uniforms but it wasn't hard to recognize them.

People at school wasn't a problem to Santana, the Cheerios were something else. She still didn't want them to see her spending time with me.

"I have to be with them. I can't…" Santana trailed off looking at me. "I'm sorry"

"Then I'm going back home"

"You don't have to. Look, why don't you stay? I think I just saw Tina and Mike get into the house and probably the rest of the guys are here too. Besides, you're my ride home, remember?"

I rolled my eyes at that. "I prefer not, Santana. I'm going home now"

"Just stay, Rachel, have some fun"

"I thought WE will be having fun"

"Then stay"

It wasn't fun at all. It took me one hour in this miserable hell hole to start hating Santana for making me stay. I was glaring at Santana from the kitchen's door. She was sitting with the Cheerios and they were all clearly drunk.

It didn't take me long to really figure out the reason why Santana wanted so desperately to come to this party. The reason was sitting over Artie's lap who was making jokes to a whole, clearly drunk, squad enjoying the way they were all laughing at them.

I hated Santana even more for the fake smiles she was giving at them when it was clear she was jealous because she was making a poor job hiding it.

"It sucks to be her dirty little secret, huh?"

I jumped up startled when a low husky voice breather those words into my ear. I turned around quickly finding a smirk and a pair of green eyes that looked so shiny with the pink hair of their owner.

"Quinn…"

"I never thought you would do what Santana ordered you to. You never did."

"I—no. I'm here because I want to."

Quinn laughed. Now that I was facing her I could smell the faint scent of cigarettes and vodka in her breath. "Yeah, the scowl on your face gives that away. You don't like these parties, Rachel, you're not fooling anyone"

"Why are you here? I thought you weren't friends with us anymore."

"Puck's still my friends and I'm here because of The Skanks. Not that that's any of your business." Quinn said turning around and walking towards the back door.

I looked over my shoulder at Santana and sighed following Quinn out. I found her leaning against the side of the house. I scrunched up my nose at watching her light a cigarette. Walking over to her, I leaned on the wall beside her. She grinned releasing the smoke.

"Did you ask for permission to be out here with me?

"Drop it, Quinn. Santana didn't—"

"What? Do you think I haven't seen the way you two have been dancing around each other these past couple of weeks? Like I said, you're not fooling anyone." Quinn said shaking her head and lifting the cigarette to her lips again.

I looked away without saying anything. I let the silence take over because Quinn wasn't completely wrong. I had better things to do but here I was, stuck and wasting my time in a place I didn't want to be and all because of my inability to say no. Now that my friendship with Santana was growing and I was becoming fond of her with each day that passed, it was getting harder to say no every time Santana wanted something.

When I looked at her again, her smirk was gone and she was just looking unblinkingly at me. I cleared my throat suddenly feeling uncomfortable under her scrutiny and looked away once again. "I don't think you like these parties either."

"Why? You don't know me. You never really have." Quinn said softly.

I looked at her frowning. "Maybe not completely" She shrugged when I made a pause. "But I still think you don't want to be here. Otherwise you'll be with your friends instead of out here alone."

Quinn finally looked away bringing the cigarette to her lips. I smiled slightly at the fact that she was silently accepting I was right.

"You should come back to glee, you know? You used to like it and-"

"I never like it and I'm not coming back" Quinn said harshly. "Stop asking me to go back. I won't"

"Quinn"

"Who wants me there anyway? Nobody cares about what happens to me."

"I do. I'm there, Quinn and I care. Besides, there's Santana and Brittany. What about Puck? He's your friend right?"

Quinn chuckled but her laughter was more ironic than nothing. "He's just interested in me because I gave birth to his child."

I looked down at my hands feeling sadness wash over me at the way she muttered those words. It was obvious how much knowing that hurt her. I wanted to make it better. "Just… think about it. You don't have to be alone."

"Rachel?"

I looked towards the back door of the house watching Santana stopped just when she saw us. She then crossed her arms and closed the distance, eyeing us suspiciously.

"I've been looking around for you."

"Here I am." I said looking back at Quinn just in time to see her roll her eyes.

"I'll leave you two love birds alone."

"I didn't know you were here, Q" Santana said stopping Quinn from leaving.

Quinn let out a loud laugh. "How were you supposed to? You've been doing nothing but stare at Brittany all night, probably if you either learn to move on or grow a pair, you'll be aware of what's happening around you."

They were glaring at each other and I was feeling extremely uncomfortable at being in the middle of the discussion. I was preparing myself to jump in and stop a fight when I saw the way Santana clenched her jaw.

"Can it, Q" Santana finally said and I let out the breath I was holding. "I'm not picking up your fight. We're going home now, Rachel."

I nodded looking at Quinn who was still glaring at Santana. "Goodbye, Quinn"

* * *

><p>It took me half the ride home to break the silence that was settled between us. Santana was driving and ever since we left the party she'd been quiet, a frown in place. I knew she was deep in thought.<p>

"You should talk with her" I finally said. Santana's frown deepened. She stayed silent and kept driving. "With Brittany, I mean."

"And you should mind your own business" She snapped sharply.

I looked to the front immediately thinking the same. It was probably the best to stop trying to make her open a little more. Perhaps I was asking too much from her. We were becoming friends which didn't mean she had to open up to me. Maybe I was just her friend to hang out with when she was bored, which apparently happened a lot lately, ever since her relationship with Brittany has been hanging on a really, really thin thread. I didn't even know if she actually considered me her friend.

Santana started to pull over and I looked at her confused. We were still pretty far away from my house. She sat there looking to her front while I waited for an explanation.

Getting impatient, I was ready to speak when she interrupted me.

"I get it, okay? I know I made a fool of myself tonight and I'm sorry I dragged you into it. But it isn't as simple as you or Quinn think and neither of you have the right to tell me what do about it. What Quinn said... She doesn't know a shit about it. She doesn't know what it's like to—she—"

Santana stopped abruptly dropping soundly her forehead against the steering wheel, growling really loud. I bit my lip giving her a little time to let out her frustration. She never talked to me about her situation with Brittany but I wasn't blind. I saw the way they behaved around each other lately and it was completely different at what they had before, starting with the fact that they stopped spending as much time together as they used to.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way" I offered after a while. "What I meant to say was that you should talk to her and see if you can try to save your friendship. I've seen the way you look at her. I know you don't want to lose her completely."

She straightened up in her seat and wiped her eyes quickly before turning around on her seat looking for something on the back seat.

"Alright" Santana said once she was settled in her seat once again. I flinched when she throw a bottle of tequila half empty over my lap. I took it quickly to prevent it from rolling off my lap when Santana started the car abruptly. "I was about to throw you out of the car and go home but that's clearly not happening since this is your dad's car. So, we're going to get our asses drunk and not talk about anything at all."

"Santana, I don't like to drink. You know that and I honestly don't think you should be drinking either."

She stopped at a red light and looked at me. "You're drinking with me or I'll drop you home and go get my ass drunk alone. It's your call, Rachel."

"Why not just drop me home?"

Santana seemed to ignore my question and started the car once again. I waited patiently because I wanted her answer. She was upset and she was still willing to let me be with her.

"Because it seems like you are right now the only person who gives a tiny little shit about me" Santana answered softly giving me a quick glance. "So what it is?"

I looked down at the bottle in my hands. I couldn't say no. This was probably the chance I was waiting for. This was probably Santana's way of telling me she needed me to lean on. This night was different from other nights. We'd settled on a routine. She would come home, we'll have dinner together, do some homework when she was in the mood, watch a movie, play board games and talk about glee or meaningless things. This time she was letting me in a little more, so I couldn't just say no.

"I'm in."

Santana smiled at me and nodded speeding up. I smiled back feeling content and just watch her not even caring where she was heading.

* * *

><p>"You're fooling me, hobbit! You haven't had a drink!" Santana said taking the bottle from where it rested between us. That was a huge lie. I was feeling dizzy. It didn't take too much for me to get lightheaded. She has had more than me? Yes. But saying I haven't had any was a lie.<p>

I shrieked when Santana brought, carelessly, the bottle to my lips. My hands flying to her arm.

"Sip, hobbit! I ain't drinking alone" Santana slurred holding firmly the bottle.

My throat burned from the hot liquid and I coughed pulling the bottle away making a complete mess. Tequila went running down my chin and neck and onto my sweater. Santana laughed hard throwing herself over the car's windshield cracking up.

"You ruined my sweater!" I shrieked out coughing again when my throat hurt. "And I'm positive you're ruining my vocal chords too"

Santana kept laughing and I scowled at her trying to clean my chin and neck with my sweater. It was ruined anyway.

"You should thank me, that sweater…" she started making a pause to take a sip from the bottle. "…that sweater is really ugly. Here"

Still giggling, Santana put the bottle aside and started to take off her jacket. After she was done she took the hem of my sweater and started to raise it. I felt heat started to rise in my cheeks. Her eyes locked with mine and I lifted my arms letting her pull it over my head. She put it away and scooted closer, her hands brushing my hair that was all messed up.

I couldn't move. I was completely paralyzed and the intensity of her gaze wasn't helping at all. I opened my mouth but found myself unable to emit a sound. I wasn't even sure what I wanted to say. The alcohol in my veins made me feel dumb, that was one of the reasons why I didn't like to drink.

I felt myself starting to shake when her eyes fell to my lips and I saw the way she licked her own before she started to close the little gap between us. I swallowed hard looking into her eyes when she finally looked up, looking at me as if she was asking me for permission for what she was about to do. As a response I closed my eyes waiting for her next move, letting her do what she wanted to do.

I didn't know if it was the alcohol or simply the memory of the way her lips felt over mine that was imprinted on my mind but the feeling was stronger and feeling them once again made me released a throaty sound that only encouraged Santana to kiss me fiercely.

As lost as I was in it, I was also still aware of the fact that this wasn't okay. Santana had been very upset and confused and I didn't want this to ruin the little progress we were having; and as much as I enjoyed our random little make out sessions, I enjoyed her company more and I didn't want to lose that.

"Santana" I breathed out pulling away. She took me by the collar of my dress shirt and pulled me back in. I turned my face making her lips land on my cheek. That didn't stop her though, and she started to make a trail of wet kisses towards my ear. I shuddered hard and she chuckled. "You—you need to stop"

"Why? You're clearly enjoying this" She said taking my earlobe between her teeth. I closed my eyes tightly fisting my hands on my skirt trying to ignore the tingling all over my body.

"You're drunk and upset. We shouldn't be doing this."

"Who said I'm upset?" Santana asked pulling away enough to look me in the eyes and a smirk adorned her face. "I admit that I'm drunk but upset? Nu-huh."

She tried to kiss me again and I stopped her with my hands on her shoulders. Santana rolled her eyes letting herself fall over the windshield.

"You suck. You should stop thinking. Stop being a prude and get the stick you have up your fucking ass out. Not even alcohol can do that to you."

"Now you're just talking just for the sake of talking" I said taking the discarded sweater and starting to fold it. Santana took it brusquely away from hands.

"Stop" She said throwing it over her shoulder.

"Santana!" I shrieked trying to reach out for it only to realize it was a wrong move to lean over Santana's body to get off the car. She pulled me into her making me released a loud squeal when I fell completely over her body.

"Now is better" Santana whispered, her mouth connecting with my neck. She had me pressed against her body using both her arms that were wrapped securely around my waist.

"Santana, le-let me go." I said giggling because of the way she was tickling me with the graze of her lips against the skin of my neck.

She pulled away from my neck with her eyebrows raised. "Maybe when you starts sounding like you don't like this"

"Santana, seriously stop!" I repetead again trying to sound firm but she started tickling me again making me giggle. "You're drunk"

"WE"

"WE are drunk and we're on a public place and-"

"Are you saying you'd let me do this if we were on a private place?"

"No! that's not what I meant!" I shouted alarmed still trying to free myself from her grip. I was starting to feel hot and I needed space because I didn't trust the way my body was choosing to react to Santana's attentions.

"I'm sure that's exactly what you meant" Santana insisted leaving wet kisses along my jaw. I closed my eyes breathing heavily trying to gather enough strength to pull her away once again. I was near to just caving in and let her do whatever she wanted with me. "Just stop thinking."

"No. this-this is not right. This..." I stopped pushing away from her body with force only to stumble to the side and falling off the car when Santana finally released my waist. I shrieked loudly landing on my side on the floor, hearing Santana cracking up from above.

"That's what you get for being a bitch and not letting me get my sweet lady kisses…" Santana trailed off falling into silence. I frowned while I stood up from the ground looking around for the sweater.

I found it a couple of steps away. I picked it up and threw it inside the car. "We should go home now. I don't want to think in what would happen if dad and daddy decided to go home tonight"

Santana didn't utter a word.

"Santana?"

"How, hobbit? We'll kill each other if we drive like this."

"Then stop drinking" I said taking the bottle away from her when she was about to take another sip from it. "Gimme the lid."

She rolled her eyes and put it over my extended hand.

"Let's go, it's getting late." I said while pulling at her legs making her sit on the edge of the car's hood. "I'm driving."

"You sure?" She asked giving me the keys.

"Yes, we'll be fine. Now take your jacket and let's go. You're staying over."

"Wait" Santana said stopping me by the shoulder. She took her jacket and passed it over my shoulders. "There."

I felt my cheeks burning as I watched into her dark eyes. She smiled at me and pushed me back by the shoulders leaving enough space for her to climb off the car.

I was frozen there. The night had been so strange and I didn't want to dwell on these odd feelings and the reaction my body was having towards Santana. It wasn't like they were new, the problem was that they were becoming stronger since that evening they ended up kissing over the twister mat, that day I kissed her out of pure impulse, simply because I felt like doing it. Anyone would have felt the urge to kiss her having her so close; her intense and shiny dark eyes looking down at you and her inviting lips begging you to kiss them. I closed my eyes shuddering at the memory and took a deep breath. This couldn't be happening. Not with Santana. She couldn't be doing those little things that only made me want to have her even more closer to me.

The honk of the car made me jump startled. I looked at Santana who was already settled inside and was pointing towards the driver seat. I sighed walking towards it.

* * *

><p>Once I entered the choir room the first thing I noticed was Puck smirking at me and patting the seat at one of his sides. I saw Santana sitting at his other side with her legs over his lap, her arms crossed and a pair of sunglasses covering her eyes. I walked towards them taking the seat Puck was offering.<p>

"Hey, Hot Jew, how's it going?"

"Hi, Puck" I frowned when Santana stayed silent. I looked at Puck questioningly.

"She's gone. Guess she had an amazing weekend. Actually, I was hoping you could tell me about it" Puck said wriggling his eyebrows only to groan seconds later when Santana hit his stomach with one of her legs.

"Shut up and stop being a gross excuse for a human being." Santana drawled out lifting her sunglasses. I chuckled shaking slightly my head.

"Couldn't sleep last night?"

Santana shook her head and put her sunglasses on again. "I'm just hangover. I had a party last night. You both should stop talking, you're making my head hurt."

In the brief moment she took her sunglasses off I could see she was upset. Her eyes looked tired and sad. I let my eyes travel through the room looking for the possible reason. Brittany was just hanging with Mike and Time while Artie chatted with Blaine. There was something else then, she was usually this grumpy when Brittany and Artie were all over each other.

Mr. Schue entering the room caught my attention because a frown was marrying his features which usually meant he screwed up bad with Miss Pillsbury or the Glee club was in trouble.

"It's official, guys. Mercedes left us."

I wasn't surprised. I knew Shelby was looking for talented people for her Glee Club and I'd heard the rumors. I just didn't think she would leave us. I looked in Kurt's direction and found him looking back with a cold stare. I looked to the front again ready to scold Mr. Schue for his poor job with Mercedes but Santana beat me to it.

"It's your fault, Mr. Schue. You were the one pushing her until she cracked."

"Santana-"

"I completely agree with Santana, Mr. Schue. I heard about what happened in the auditorium and I must say you were extremely unsupportive." I said crossing my arms.

"Of course you would agree with Santana" Kurt mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

Kurt laughed humorlessly and looked back at me. "I don't think I need to remind you that the problem with Mercedes isn't Mr. Schue but you! Which makes all of this your fault. If you would've just back off, she wouldn't have felt the necessity to leave our glee club and join Ms. Corcoran's"

"And I don't think I need to remind you that it was wheezy there who didn't accept to share the role that Rachel was so willing to share" Santana spoke up. I looked towards surprised. The fact that she was defending me in front of all of the glee club made me feel so content.

"Alright, guys, this—"

"What a lovely family we have here, Mr. Schue, exactly how you describe it, or not?"

Mr. Schue let out a long breath pinching the bridge of his nose as we all turned towards the door where Quinn was leaning looking amused.

"Q? Are you joining us today?" Brittany asked out loud, her voice cheerful.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about this too." Mr. Schue said. "We lost Mercedes but Quinn's joining us again."

I smiled at Quinn as she found my eyes. My smile widened when she smiled slightly at me.

"Take a sit, Quinn"

"Yay!" Brittany exclaimed excited bouncing out of her seat and towards Quinn leading her towards the empty seat beside her.

"I thought you were over with this "fuckery" as you so nicely put it" Santana said out loud taking her sunglasses off and staring at Quinn.

Quinn smirked. "Actually, Mr. Schue bribed me into this."

"Alright" Mr. Schue said laughing nervously. "I did not. I only… no."

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and I giggled when all the guys chuckled at his awkwardness. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Quinn who was now looking back at me with a grin. Had she really consider coming back because of what I told her at the party? Probably. The way she was looking at me was as if she was trying to make something clear.

I broke our eye contact only to find a pair of brown ones that were looking at me coldly. Santana put her sunglasses on and put her legs off Puck's lap sitting straight and crossing her arms.

Mr. Schue clearing his throat brought my attention back to him. He was blushing to his ears and it was embarrassing.

"Alright, enough is enough" He said still chuckling uncomfortably. "What we need now is to stop getting into arguments all the time. We need to be strong and together if we want to win sectionals. By the way, where's Finn?" He asked, looking around the room.

I honestly didn't notice he wasn't in the room and it was odd because he never missed Glee. It was his favorite time of the day.

"Ask Rachel" Kurt said lowly. I rolled my eyes at his sarcastic tone.

"Come on, Kurt" Blaine said sounding tired. I didn't think he was more tired than I was.

"No, Blaine, I'm just so sick that all the things she do always affect us somehow and just because she doesn't think in anyone feelings but hers"

"I think you should just stop and—"

"No, let him, Blaine, let him take out his anger but I want you to have something very clear, Kurt. It is not your problem what happened between Finn and I." I said finally reaching my limit. I was very tired of listening them blame me for every problem the glee club had. It was always my fault no matter what it was and this time it wasn't me being self-centered. "And if I slept or not with Santana is my business not yours, so I'll appreciate it if you would just keep your sarcastic comments to yourself"

"Lovely family" Quinn muttered with a chuckle.

"Are you guys done? Mr. Schue spoke up. "From now on I am establishing a sacred rule and none of you are allowed to break it." He walked to the white board. "We're not talking about romantic relationships unless is through song." He finished pressing more than necessary the marker on the dot.

"We're not allowed to express ourselves now?" Tina asked.

"Unless it's through a song, no, you're not allowed to talk about it inside of this room. Unless you're expressing yourselves with a song you aren't allowed to bring your issues into this room. It's clear you guys don't know how to handle things together without starting a war." Mr. Schue said. "Now… we're going to start with the assignment."

* * *

><p>"Are you coming over later?" I asked Santana once Glee hour was over.<p>

"Can't. Have plans" She said starting to walk. I was having troubles keeping her pace.

"Oh well, I guess we can hang out tomorrow. I was hoping you would be my partner for the assignment." I told her frowning at her indifferent attitude.

"Probably"

"Thank you for defending me, by the way. It was nice." I smiled even when she wasn't even throwing a quick glance back at me.

We reached her car and she just threw open the driver's seat door.

"Whatever, Rachel, see you tomorrow." Santana said putting her sunglasses on and entering the car.

I opened my mouth to stop her but it was useless. When Santana was on this mood it was hard to talk to her. So I simply nodded stepping away from the car.

* * *

><p>I was scrolling through my songs' folder when a knock on the door made me look back. I smiled big at seeing my daddy on the door. My smiled fell when I saw what he had on his hands, it was the sweater I was using friday night, the one Santana ruined.<p>

"Daddy?"

"Do I need to ask?" He said looking up at me with a worried expression on his face.

I completely forgot about that sweater. He probably found it on his car. At least he was the one who found it and not dad.

"I… I can't lie to you, can I?" I asked.

Daddy shook his head and sighed. "This tells me you already did but I'm letting it pass. Just… if you're going out tell us, alright? Don't lie to us. Don't make your dad doubt in you and your friendship with Santana. He doesn't-"

"Like her, I know"

"It's not that, darling, it's just…"

"I know you guys preferred when I hung out with the Hummels or Mercedes, but things are different now and Santana is my friend. I can say I'm sorry I lie about where I was friday night but not because she's my friend."

"I'm just saying I'm worried. You never lied to us. Don't let her make you do it now. Finn never did."

I sighed hanging my head.

"Is she coming today?

"No" I said shortly turning towards my computer again. "Please don't leave the door open."

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not." I told him, my tone harder than I intended for it to be.

"Alright" He said and I looked back feeling guilty when I heard the click of the door.

Daddy should be the one getting mad and not me. I was the one who disobeyed and he's the adult. The thing was, I was really tired of people having something to say about my friendship with Santana. Why? Because she wasn't the typical golden kid like Finn or Kurt? Because she couldn't just express her feelings any other way than by being somewhat cruel and sarcastic? Because to me that was Santana. A person so afraid to express what she was feeling that she acted the wrong way most of the time. I accepted that side of her and if I chose to spend my time with her no one had the right to say anything about it.

I sighed shaking my head, willing myself to concentrate on the assignment for Glee Club.

The assignment was about ballads. Mr. schue wanted us to find a good one so we all could decide which one we would be doing for sectionals. He didn't group us up but he said he wouldn't be opposed to us working together. He didn't sound too hopeful when he said that, by the way.

I took my phone ready to call Santana and be sure if she wanted to work with me so I could find options that suited both our voices, when I certain song caught my attention.

Faithfully. Finn.

I clicked on it and music started to fill the air. I scrolled up my directory and clicked on Finn's name.

Truth was, I was really worried that he didn't show up at glee club and even when I promised myself not to call him or reach out for him to give both of us space, I couldn't just ignore his absence.

The phone rang a couple of times before he answered.

"Rach?" Finn asked sounding surprised. I smiled softly at hearing his voice, at hearing him call me by the nickname he had for me. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered softly. "How are you, Finn? I was really worried you didn't come to Glee today. Is everything alright?"

Finn stayed silent and I frowned taking the phone out of my ear to see if the call was still on. It was so I put it back on hearing him sigh.

"Why is that important to you? We…" Finn trailed off growling and a strange metal sound echoed through the speaker. I looked at the hour. I completely forgot he was working at the moment.

"Go attend your call, buddy, I got it" I could hear Mr. Hummel in the back.

"Thanks, Burt" Finn said weakly. "Look, Rachel, I wasn't today in glee because I…"

"You don't really need to tell me, Finn, it probably was a mistake to call you. I'm sorry."

"I miss you" He said abruptly stopping me from hanging up. "I miss you and Glee is becoming harder every day."

"Finn-"

"I don't think I can anymore and to add to all of that, I feel like I'm wasting my time there, Rach. I'm not as good as the rest of you. I feel useless. I need to put my energy on things that I'm good enough for, like this, my work. No more football, no more Glee" he said and I closed my eyes tightly feeling my chest getting heavy for hearing him say all of that with such hopelessness tainting his voice.

"I told you already, Finn. You're good and you will find a new dream worthy enough for you to fight for it. But you don't have to quit glee. You like it there. You told me once it made you feel alive, it made you feel good. So don't do this to yourself, don't quit." I told him hearing his breathing becoming ragged with each second that passed.

"Are you gonna be with me again?" Finn asked his voice finally breaking. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I could tell he was going through so much pain.

"Finn…"

"I love you."

"I know. I know you do. I…" I trailed off closing my eyes and clutching at the phone.

"I love you" He repeated.

"I love you too" I whispered. "But I can't offer you anything more than a friendship. I'm sorry"

"Rach…"

"I'm sorry" I told him hanging up.

It was a terrible mistake for me to call him. I should have just left him alone. He had the right to make his own decisions and he had people who loved him and would be there to help him with his insecurities. But I was worried and I called him just because of that; just because I needed to know. Maybe kurt was right, maybe all this mess was really my fault.

I broke down in sobs burying my face on my hands. I heard Faithfully start again since I forgot to turn off the repeat on the player. I let it play remembering the first time he ever said I love you to me.

* * *

><p>I was lying down on my side on the bed, my headphones on thought music wasn't playing. Shorty was made a ball in front of me purring at the way I was caressing his ears.<p>

I saw the door opening and waited. I frowned when Santana entered the room with a glass of water on her hand.

"Your dad told me to give you this" Santana said approaching the bed. Shorty stood up and stretched, sitting straight and looking at Santana.

"I thought you had plans"

Santana shrugged putting the glass of water on the nightstand. "They got cancelled."

I nodded and she sat on the bed, caressing Shorty's head. Her eyes landed suddenly on me and she studied my face for a while. I looked away from her and silently waited for her to say something.

"You've been crying." She said after a moment. "What happened? Something with your dad? He was a little distant and Hiram never treated me that way"

"He knows about friday night"

"Did you tell him?"

"No, he found the sweater you soaked with Tequila. He's not stupid." I told her scowling.

"That's why you are so upset? Did he ground you? Should I go apologize to him or-"

"I called Finn" I interrupted her rambling. That was the last of my problems.

"Why?"

"That's the same question I've been asking myself: why? Why call him and make everything worse?" I said softly lying back down on my back. "I shouldn't have called him, this is still hard for him and his feelings are hurt because of me."

"What about your feelings?" Santana asked softly. "He hurt your feelings too."

"Perhaps that's the problem. That I only think about me. About my feelings, about what I want." I said feeling tears starting to leave my eyes. The bed moved under Santana's weight and I looked to the side finding her lying in the same position as me. She just stayed silent, her eyes encouraging me to keep talking, to let it all out. I couldn't keep looking into them so I looked up at the ceiling. "I… I didn't think… I wasn't thinking clearly when I came up with that plan. I was blinded by my pain. He hurt me so bad, I wanted to make him feel the same way. See? I was only thinking in myself. And now, after I heard him so… broken today, I need for him to stop hurting, for him to feel good again. I just…" I had to stop because my voice broke so violently I wasn't sure I could keep talking anymore. Santana took my hand and laced our fingers together squeezing it hard. "Is this ever going to stop chasing me, Santana? Is it so bad what I did?"

Santana turned to her side facing me and with her free hand she pulled at my shoulder making me do the same. "Then let it go. Don't think about it again."

"I know you don't understand. I know he is just a worthless person in your eyes and the only thing you see in him are flaws, but I don't. He's important to me." I breathed out seeing a change in her expression, a slight change that made her eyes hardened a little bit. "I had hurt so many people. I'm aware of that but I don't like when I hurt the ones I love so deeply"

Santana scooted even closer and hesitantly lifted her hand wiping the tears in my cheeks slowly with her fingers. The gentle touch making me close my eyes.

"I accept that he's a good person." Santana finally said her voice a soft whisper. "Even when most of the time, just like my abuela says, what he built with his hands he destroys it with his feet. But you're right, he's a good person, I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything" I told her, my eyes still closed.

"I'm still sorry."

I opened my eyes and she was looking back at me with a small smile on her lips.

"Thank you" I whispered. She shook her head.

"How about we start working on glee's assignment?" she asked. I couldn't help but smile. It was inevitable for me not to.

"So, do you want to work with me?"

"Sure" Santana grinned letting her hand travel down to my neck and all along my arm making me shudder.

Now that my mood was a lot better, I realized how intimate I found that little gesture. I felt my cheeks getting hot and I smiled nervously at her. Santana seemed to notice that because she pulled completely away.

"Have you thought about a song yet?"

"Santana?" I called her suddenly realizing she'd been comforting me since she came and she was probably still upset because of whatever happened to her over the weekend.

"Yes?"

"Are you alright? I mean, I've been crying and just talking about me." I told her. She looked back with a small smile.

"I'm fine. Let's pick a song. Our ballad needs to be on that sectional's set list"

I watched her got out of the bed and walk towards my open laptop. She was so quiet that evening. I took a deep breath, she probably cancelled her plans because she needed someone; or I was probably just imagining things. However, I could tell there was something because there were days when she'd just come here and she'd be oddly quiet. We would just have dinner with my dads and lie down afterwards to watch a movie and didn't talk about anything at all. Today seemed like one of those days.

Santana was still this really difficult puzzle and I couldn't say just by a few weeks I spent with her that I was near to figure her out but I wanted to. I wanted to because it was worth it. She was worthy. She deserved someone caring for her. She was worthy and I was more than willing to do it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Let's Call It Love**

The first hit didn't hurt much. The second… that one hurt like a motherfucker. I threw a punch right at her nose and she hissed in pain, her hands flying to her face.

"Fuck" I muttered shaking my hand. My knuckles were burning. That didn't take away the satisfaction of watching her in pain though.

"Stop, Mack! Just leave her alone."

"In what side are you, Fabray? She was the one who came here to stick her nose!" The Mack snapped glaring at Quinn. I smirked at watching the blood running down her face. Bitch earned it.

"And who has it broken now?" I mocked with a chuckle. The next sting took me by surprise. I didn't expect the Mack to connect the back of her hand with my cheek so quickly and so hard. I was ready to throw myself at the bitch when Quinn stepped between us.

"Just leave."

I clenched my jaw looking into her blood shot eyes. It was so hard to look at it and it was even harder to know I was unable to stop her. I felt powerless and frustrated. "Come with me."

The Mack released a mocking laughter. "How romantic"

"Leave, Santana. You don't have anything to do here."

"Quinn—"

"Leave!" Quinn yelled in my face. It made my blood boil. It didn't help that the last thing I saw before turning around and storming away from them was the triumphant expression all over Mack's face.

I reached my car at the school's parking lot. There was still a period left but I needed to get away. I couldn't get inside with my face swollen anyway. I rested my forehead against the hot metal taking a few deep breaths to calm myself and to try to ignore the tingling pain in my face.

"Santana!"

I rolled my eyes straightening myself. I wiped the blood in my lip out. "Not now."

"Wait, what's going on?" Brittany asked. I didn't turn around to see her expression but her voice gave away her worry and the wariness. I opened the car's door ready to get in when she took me by the shoulders turning me around. "Again?"

Brittany cupped my jaw gently with both her hands. I avoided her worried blue eyes as much as I could but she turned my head and searched for my eyes finding them easily.

"What happened?" She asked brushing her thumb over my lips. I pushed her hand away. Her gentle touch was becoming unbearable.

"Quinn happened."

"She did this?" Brittany asked alarmed.

"No. She didn't touch me."

"Then who did it?"

"Look, B, I need to go. I need to be away from here." I told her getting inside of the car.

"I'll go with you." Brittany said getting hold of the car's door preventing me from closing it. When I looked up at her hesitant searching for the right words to say no, she kneeled down in front of me taking my hands. "Please stop pushing me away. I miss my friend."

I clenched my jaw and nodded accepting her offer when I saw the hurt in her eyes. "Okay, we're going to your house."

Brittany nodded and kissed my hands quickly before going to sit on the passenger seat.

_I miss my friend_. It was so funny I had to push back the urge to snort. She still clearly didn't have a clue of how much it hurt to hear that. All this pain was probably my fault anyway, I wasn't going to be anything more than that and I cursed myself for being so stuck with these damn feelings.

* * *

><p>Brittany's room wasn't so different from the last time I was there, except for a few things I could recognize as Artie's. Some vests and gloves mixed with things I've left behind when we'd had sleepovers.<p>

I ran my fingers through the new pictures over Brittany's little table. I felt the rage and jealousy build up in my chest at seeing her so happy sitting over his lap in most of them. The feelings were suddenly washed away and replaced with selfishness. I felt selfish for wanting her to be with me when she looked so happy. Did she look that happy when I was still around?

"Come, S, have a sit." I turned around just in time to see her close the door behind her with her foot. "Chelsea said this would do."

"Are you sure she isn't going to rat us out with your parents?"

She shook her head. "I promised to clean Tubs bathroom for a couple of weeks even when it's her job. She won't say a thing." I hummed taking the soaked gauze and looked at my face in the mirror Brittany was holding up for me. At least it wasn't so bad this time, just a cut on my lower lip and a bruised cheek. Sighing I started to clean the wound on my lip. Brittany flinched when I released a painful hiss.

"Hurts too much?"

"A little" I answered through clenched teeth.

"What's going on with Q, San? I'm really worried about her." Brittany asked after a moment. I finished and stood up walking towards the bathroom. I got rid of the gauze and proceed to wash the rest of my face.

"San?"

"You really don't want to know."

"Of course I want. She's my friend too and we've been distant lately. I miss you guys so much." Brittany said and I watched her shoulders fell. "Especially you"

I sighed walking over to the bed. I sat down and she handed me the ice bag. I put it over my bruised cheek. "I'm here and about Quinn... Well, the idiot can't get anymore cliché. I honestly don't know what's going on in that head of hers. I'm sure that cheap hair dye she's using just roasted her fucking brain."

"Is it the Skanks? I thought she was getting better since she came back to glee but she's behaving so strange like she's not herself."

"Maybe she isn't."

"And what do you have to do with it? Why are you getting hurt? You're not lying to me, are you?"

"No, I'm not." I told her placing my free hand over hers to calm her down. "The Mack did this."

"Why?"

"Quinn's on drugs, B."

"That's it?"

I shook my head. "I know we've done this before. I couple of times and that's it, just for experimenting and shit but Q's deep on this. So deep they're dealing with a drug dealer. That's Mack's issue with me getting in the way."

"Is that so bad?" Brittany asked.

"I guess. If Mack's getting this angry is because they're shit deep into this." I told her getting up from the bed. "But you shouldn't worry about it and don't mention this to Quinn. Don't tell her I told you, I still don't know what they're capable of."

"Is she going to be okay?" She asked looking down at her hands"

"I hope so, B."

"Are you going to look out for her?"

I nodded. "Sure, I promise you I'll look out for her more."

Brittany let out a sigh and stood up from the bed pulling me into a tight hug.

I didn't waver in my promise because that was my plan anyway. Quinn was my friend. It didn't matter how stupid or cliché she was. Like seriously? Knocked up at sixteen, thrown out of her house, disowned, she then went all dark and twisted and now she was on drugs? Not only consuming but messing with a drug dealer? She seriously was looking to fuck up her entire life there was no doubt about it.

* * *

><p>I got home late that day feeling completely drained and sore. My dad was sitting on the couch with Gabriel fast asleep against his chest. It was a surprised to have him home. I tried to be as quiet as possible but he heard me anyway.<p>

"Is that you, Cheerio?" He asked quietly.

"Yes." I answered leaning against the living's threshold. He had his feet over the coffee table. Maria was clearly not home, she wouldn't have him doing that. The tv was on but with so little volume.

"Why don't you come sit with me for a little while? I'm interested in knowing why you're getting home so late."

I put my school bag down and walked to the couch sitting down beside him. Dad looked at me with a smile that disappeared as soon as he saw my face. "Hija, what the hell?"

I rolled my eyes shaking my head. Maria would have killed him for saying that while Gabriel was present, even if he was asleep. I pushed back the urge to roll my eyes again. Being home was so stressful when someone was controlling your every move. How could he live like that?

"Nothing, dad. I'm fine."

"Santana—"

"Drop it, dad. It's nothing."

"This is why you're getting home so late?"

Gabriel stirred on his sleep threatening to wake up. Dad hushed him back to sleep caressing his back. "I'm going to lay him down on his bed and then we'll talk. You stay here and wait for me."

I was so tired all I did was nod and watch him stand up and head towards the stairs. I leaned back on the couch closing my eyes.  
>After our talk about Quinn, Brittany went off all afternoon about her plans for her campaign and then some more talk about Artie and how Rachel dropped her presidential campaign to support Lady Hummel's.<p>

What was Rachel thinking about? Why would she do that for him when he had done nothing but talk crap about her for the last few weeks. 'A piece of offering' Rachel has called it over text. 'Total bullshit' I texted her back. Rachel was definitely something else.

I felt movement behind me and I opened my eyes in time to see my father sit on the armchair.

"So?" He asked. He was looking at every inch of my face. The doctor was anyway, not my dad.

"I got into a fight. I already took care of it. I'm fine and I'm tired. Can I go to my room now?"

He sighed tiredly coming to sit beside me. An arm was passed over my shoulders. Now dad was here. "Can you just sit a little more with me, Cheerio?"

I nodded and he squeezed me hard against his side turning the volume of the tv up. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out.

_**"He's my friend, Santana and I need him on my side"**_

_**"Fucking learn to drop it. You're not my knight in shiny armor. Get the fuck out of my shit."**_

I rolled my eyes putting the phone again into my letterman jacket. Apparently Rachel and Quinn were going after the "most moronic" award. Thinking about I probably was too for not minding my own business.

"Brittany?"

"No."

"How are things with you two?"

"Dad, don't."

He stayed silent and I thought for a moment he had dropped it. "You know I'm not your mom."

"But you do everything she wants so it's the same."

"Is this why you've been fighting lately? Because she doesn't let her come anymore? Is this why you're getting into fights again? Maybe your anger is getting the best of you."

I scoffed getting up from the couch. I wasn't having this conversation. Let alone with him and even less after the day I had. I didn't say anything just went to grab my backpack and headed for the stairs.

"San, talk to me."

"Night, dad."

"You're always complaining I don't have time for you. Well here I am."

I froze at the stairs. I couldn't believe he was throwing that at my face. It wasn't my fault he was barely home. I shook my head and kept walking. I wasn't going to bite the bait. It wasn't my fault he preferred his work over his family. It wasn't my fault he abandoned his children, and it was definitely not my fault that he let mama take over our lives and control them to the point of making them miserable. He could come talk to me when he had the balls to face her.

* * *

><p>Things were intense with the group now that they were ready to vote for the next class president. I was waiting for Brittany to show up so Jewfro would stop whining and make his damn interview already and shut up about it.<p>

I crossed my arms and looked at my nails bored. People were getting in and out of the gym excited for the event. I spotted Rachel entering and looking around in a frantic way. She was clutching her bag to her body.

If I thought better about it, I didn't see her in most of the morning and she hadn't been around in all the time Kurt and their group were present. She was definitely up to something. I approached her quickly, stopping her for entering one of the voting booths.

"Where are you going so fast?" I asked dragging her away by the wrist. Rachel shrieked startled looking around nervously.

"I'm-I was- why?"

"You're nervous."

"I'm not!" She said freeing herself from my grip.

"Yeah, you are. What are you plotting, Rachel?" I asked crossing my arms. Whatever it was, I had the feeling it wasn't going to be something smart.

"No-no-nothing."

A stutter.

I narrowed my eyes. "No-no-nothing? You clearly are. You..." I trailed off snatching the bag out of her hands. I opened it quickly. Just like I imagined it was stuffed with ballots. "Tell me, please, you aren't doing it."

"What? No!" Rachel hissed taking her bag back and closing it.

"You're cheating so he can win the election." I snatched the bag back. "You're not doing this!"

"He needs to win!" She blurted out finally admitting the obvious. "Please, Santana! He needs to get into NYADA. I need him to and this is his chance."

"Is this about him or you?" I snapped. She stayed silent, a frown adorning her features. This was clearly not an act of selflessness.  
>I took a deep breath. "Do you really need this?"<p>

Rachel simply nodded. This was Rachel doing something for herself. It didn't matter what could go wrong with this plan or that I was supposed to be against it because I was on Brittany's side. If Rachel needed Lady Hummel with her in New York, fine.

"Screw it." I said giving her the bag. "I won't tell anything. Just do it quick and-"

"Do what exactly?"

"Shit!"

Sue was now standing in front of us, a creepy grin on her face. She had her eyes in Rachel's bag. How did I forget about the Coach?

"I'm curious as to what is this you're doing, Streisand, that Sandbags over here is so eager to cover." Sue took Rachel's bag from her hands forcefully when Rachel tried desperately to keep it.

"Don't open it here, coach, just…" I trailed off when she looked at me with narrowed eyes but then she looked at Rachel who was avoiding coach's eyes like the plague. Couldn't blame her, the woman was scary as shit.

"Just because Sandbags is asking me, I'm not attracting attention towards this. But you and I are going with Figgins now!" Coach yelled in Rachel's face. Rachel flinched nodding quickly.

"Wait, what about me?" I asked starting to panic. I knew what this could mean for Rachel.

"What about you? Are you trying to tell me you're stupid enough to betray Britt-Britt and lose your spot in your stupid choir sectionals AND in my Cheerios Nationals or… I don't know… get suspended?" Coach said with her low, creepy voice. The one she used with the new Cheerios. I swallowed hard. "Sure you are but I'm not! So you go support your girlfriend over there and you'll stay quiet and I'll consider the magnitude of your punishment."

I cringed at Sue's words. It didn't matter how small or big the punishment was, one of Coach's punishments meant hell so I might as well be dragged into this anyway. Rachel's sad look over her shoulder made me take the first step. I wasn't going to leave her alone.

* * *

><p>"Santana!"<p>

Out of Sectionals. Both of us. Just like Coach said would happen. That was Figgin's punishment. Mr. Schue wanted me out of the Cheerios Nationals just for the sake of being fair, but neither he nor Figgins could get me out of it for fear of facing Coach Sylvester's rage.

I wasn't too worried about that. Now Coach was so going to make me pay for not following her orders. She was going to find the best way to physically torture me without touching a hair on my head. I cringed at the thought alone.

"Santana!"

Turning around I was faced with Brittany strolling Artie in my direction. They stopped in front of me. Brittany was looking at me concerned.

"I thought you were on my side. You were my campaign assistant"

"I'm on your side, Britt."

"But-"

"And the stuffing, Santana? I can't believe you would go as far as cheating on a clean procedure like this one. And why exactly? You're not even friends with Kurt." Artie spoke up crossing her arms.

I chose to ignore him. "Look, Britt, it wasn't my idea. I was trying to convince Rachel to not do it and then Sue showed up. I'm on your side"

"Are you, Santana? Because lately it hasn't seem like you are."

Honestly, I would have taken those words out of Brittany's mouth but they coming out of, of all people, Artie's just made me lost it.

"What the fuck is exactly your problem, wheels?" I hissed leaning down, both my hands coming to rest at either side of his chair. He leaned back looking scared for the first time since he started to open his huge mouth. "If I say I'm on her side, it's because I am!"

"I've been here, Santana"

"And what does that mean exactly!"

"That you haven't batted an eyelash even when she needed you and now you go and pull up this betraying her!" Artie stuttered out that being so fearless for someone who was cornered. I took him by the collar of his vest.

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Yes, I know! I'm her boyfriend and I've been here to see you not being able to get over your jealousy and support her!" He was still talking even though he had his eyes practically closed and his hands up. "She's with me now you should accept that and stop messing with everything she does from now on. She chose me and you should get over it!"

I tightened my grip and he let out a pathetic whine. He was too scared for someone that was letting his tongue run. "I honestly don't know why she chose you and whatever you know? You're a still a loser and you know what makes it worse? That you are one that can't walk!"

"That's enough!"

A hand was put over mine and I let go of his vest brusquely. I looked up at disappointed blue eyes. I was aware of the words I'd said. They were harsh and completely wrong. The problem was I was too proud and hurt to take them back. Artie was right in a lot of the things he'd said but that was something I wasn't admitting.

"You need to go." Brittany said.

"Whatever, Britt. See you around." I simply said swallowing the lump on my throat. I walked away but I still saw her kneel down in front of him comforting him in such a gentle and caring way. The way she used to do with me, probably better. He was her choice. I was never that for her.

* * *

><p>Dinner with my whole family after the fiasco with Brittany wasn't really a good idea. All I wanted was to get to my room and not get out of there until the next day or go to a late drive around town to try and clean my mind alone. Neither of that was happening thanks to Maria.<p>

I sat silently feeling Gabriel little kicks on my thigh while he ate contently on his high chair beside me. I wasn't in the mood for eating so I just opted for pushing the food around the plate and listening to the conversation going on between my sister and my parents.

"So there's a boy!" Dad said with a chuckle making Alex blush. She shook her head not looking up at him, a shy smile on her lips.

"There really isn't"

Mama let out a throaty laugh. "There's nothing wrong with there being a boy, hija, just remember what I've talked with you about not letting any boy pressure you."

Alex groaned out loud. I shook my head at hearing my dad's laughter. He was having such a good time watching his younger daughter get embarrassed… or having the chance of watching her at all.

"How come you guys are only embarrassing me? Why don't you ask Santana if there's someone and giving her the sex talk!"

"Easy, Alex" Maria said pointing a finger at my sister and then pointing at Gabriel.

"Because we all know what having _someone_ means for me and she's not having any of that here" I finally spoke up.

"Santana" Dad said as a warning. It was late, mama was already glaring at me. She was naïve to think Alex was clueless about me being gay. If anything she'd been my biggest support.

"No, because I know there isn't someone but that still doesn't mean you can't talk about your day. So go ahead and tell us." Mama said throwing at me one of her fake smiles I hated so much.

"I prefer not" I said with a humorless chuckle, flinching when a sharp kick collided with my thigh. I was starting to get annoyed by it. The whole happy family reunion was making my blood boil inside of me, and the way my dad was sadly looking at me. The fact that he was aware of what was going on and he still chose to not say anything just made everything worse. "My day's been crappy enough as it is"

"Santana, language." Mama said putting down her fork before looking hard at me. "Honestly, Santana, why do you do this? We were having a perfect conversation until you—"

"Until I decided to blow it up?"

"Yes"

"Maria..." My dad said as a warning but that was it. That was all he always did.

I chuckled bitterly standing up. "I'm out"

"No, you're not. You haven't eaten yet."

"Whatever"

"Santana, sit down. You're not getting your car back anytime soon if you keep up with this behavior."

"Well, mama, wait for me to care" I said walking out the room. I ignored their calls as I took my house's keys and my letterman jacket before getting out the house.

* * *

><p>I walked quickly through the neighborhood wanting to get away. I wanted to feel bad for my sister. Alex missed dad and I blew up one of the few dinners he had the chance to share with us in two weeks. I couldn't. It didn't take long for the tears to escape my eyes. I let them go. I didn't care anymore. Everyone was going to see now how pathetic Maria Lopez's daughter was. They were all going to see me crying and when they asked I was going to tell them to go fuck themselves.<p>

"Bitch, wait up!"

Crap.

The one missing. The one that had still to shit on my day. I didn't stop walking but it didn't take her too long to reach me. Soon she was beside me. I wiped the tears on my cheeks with one of my hands.

"Why are you whipping now? You're such a loser. Is this Berry rubbing off on you?"

"What do you want, Quinn? I'm not in the mood"

"Clearly" She pulled out a cigarette and lighted it up. I was dying for having one.

"What do you want?" I repeated my question. She shrugged and offered me one. I took it. I hadn't had one in weeks. I lighted it up, inhaling sharply. It felt so damn good.

"Just making sure you're not too angry at me"

"Did I break the bitch's nose?"

"Yeah, I think is now a little crooked."

I smirked and she bumped her shoulder with mine. "You need to back off, though, this is any of your business and she had the right to punch the shit out of you."

"You won't hear me saying this out loud again but I'm worried about you, shithead. I want you out of it" I told her sincerely.

"I can't"

"Why not? Shit, Q, you couldn't pick any other way of getting back at the people that wronged you than this? You're fucking yourself up. Are you aware of that?"

"I'm not doing this for them and it isn't like I want to be on drugs, Santana, if that's what you're thinking" Quinn said shaking her head.

"No? Because I've seen you so happy surrounded by them. This is a new level of low for you."

Quinn stayed quiet for a while. She was frowning, probably deep in thought. I thought for a moment I had reached her, that she was going to give it some thought, maybe stop it, but this couldn't be so easy.

"You know what, S? Fuck you. This isn't what you think it is."

"What is it then?" I asked. Quinn gave me a hard look and stopped walking. This was actually the first time that she looked me directly in the eyes tonight.

"You tell me. Because it seems like you already judge me. So what is it, Santana?" She said turning around and walking in the opposite direction.

Why was it that every little relationship in my life was an utter and complete mess? Every one of them. I felt tears start to build up in my eyes again with the lone thought of how lonely it felt to not have someone to actually lean on. The proof was that I was walking alone in the streets dragging my misery not being able to count with someone. Not my parents, not my abuela, not Brittany or Quinn. My sister had her own problems to deal with; I wasn't going to bother her with mine. I didn't even have Rachel.

I was sure I had messed it up with Rachel already. She was probably angry at me. She had walked out of Figgins' office without a looking back and I didn't see her after that. If I had only let her do what she was going to do maybe we wouldn't be out of sectionals. Maybe she wouldn't be out of sectionals. I still had the Cheerios competition but she was out of hers and that wasn't fair.

I pulled out my phone and sent her a text. _"Are you mad? Can I come over?"_

Rachel didn't answer right away which meant she was either busy or actually mad as I imagined. I waited ten minutes and nothing. I wasn't spending the night alone again. Not with so much to think about. I looked on my phone's directory and sent a text to the person I was looking for.

_"I'm coming over"_

It took two minutes to get an answer.

_"Ok"_

* * *

><p>The feeling of skin on skin was nice and hot. I didn't know that was what I actually needed. It didn't matter that it wasn't with the person I was craving. I needed the touch.<p>

His skin was soft and hot and it felt good against mine. I let my hands travel all over his chest while he carefully put the beer bottle on my lips.

"Can you believe I actually missed this?" Puck said huskily against the skin on my shoulder. We were both sitting on his bed shirtless. I didn't say anything. I pulled him in and crashed our lips together once again. Drinking was great. Kissing was even better. I couldn't do talking.

Puck was a great kisser. He always made me feel sexy and hot no matter what mood I was in. But he wasn't always the first choice. I had Brittany for that. If he could make feel that way, then Brittany could make me feel even better. I didn't have that choice anymore.

Wanting to get rid of the thoughts I let our kisses turn more aggressive. I was willing to let him get any further. Give him what he wanted. It didn't matter what I felt afterwards.

He let his lips travel down my neck, his hands all over my body and if felt good. He knew what he was doing. I opened my eyes and saw my phone on his night stand in the moment it received a text. Too caught up in the way Puck was making me feel I ignored it completely. He kissed me again on the lips and lied me down, leaning down over me, one of his legs between mine. He grinded down hard making me release a loud moan. He smirked down at me and attached his lips to my neck once again.

The thing with having his big body and the way he smelled and the roughness of his touch always made me think about how gay I was and how much I needed and longed the always gentle touch of a woman. Reason why I stopped coming to him. But there was also the fact that it didn't matter how gay I was I only ever had been with two women in my life. Boys? Countless.

As he worked my body I kept having flashbacks of my times with Brittany. I tried to push them away but it was getting harder. He didn't realize I wasn't with him anymore. Once he was all turned on, all he cared about was getting his released and honestly? I didn't care either. I'll give him what he wanted and he'll have me entertained for a while. Or at least that was what I was thinking when I came to his house. It clearly didn't work because she was back in my head, while he was fucking me. I wanted her out so I changed the person in my head.

I thought about the afternoon in that shitty hotel room Finn picked and that I never thought would become one of the best places of my life. I thought about her scared expression and the way she would bit her lip. I thought about smooth skin, smooth legs and perfect round breasts that felt so good against my hands.

I thought about the gentleness she got out of me which I didn't think was there for anybody else. Just Brittany. But there she was a fragile and innocent girl that needed it and I wasn't against giving it to her. I ended up realizing that I never went against it just because she was her.

I thought about the way she touched me and how amazing it felt to come right there against her skin. I recalled the need, the urgency of the moment, imagining myself right there, riding her leg while she looked up at me with her eyes full of lust. All of those feelings made me live it all over again just in time. I felt it all over again. I came right there with him but it wasn't because of him. I gave him what he wanted. She gave me what I wanted.

Puck pulled himself off of me and lay beside me breathing heavily. I grinned keeping my eyes still closed. He said something I couldn't hear clearly. She was still there, laying down, looking at me, smiling lazily, looking beautiful. I didn't want to open my eyes.

I felt the bed dip under Puck weight and I opened my eyes.

"I'll be back. We're going for a round two that's for sure." He said over his shoulder, walking towards the bathroom. I took my phone from his nightstand quickly. I had four messages. I opened the one I was waiting for.

_"I'm not. You can come if you want."_

* * *

><p>It was late. The message was from hours ago and still I felt the need to go to her place. After my encounter with Puck I felt the need to see her. It was almost eleven. I wasn't sure she was going to be awake. I had to try.<p>

Luckily her light was on. That was good. I looked around and was ready to send her a text when I spotted some little rocks on the sidewalk. I smirked picking them up. It took her five rocks thrown at her window to finally show up. I waved my phone at her and dialed her number. She disappeared into her room once again.

"Santana, what are you doing?" Rachel said on the phone.

"Coming to visit you, let me in."

"It's eleven." Rachel said as a matter-of-fact. "And as you clearly know I have a phone you didn't have to throw rocks at my window. That's obnoxious."

I snorted. Rachel of all people. "I was being romantic" I said looking up at her. She smiled and shook her head.

"At least you got the window right"

"Are you letting me in or not?"

Rachel looked over her shoulder and I couldn't believe she was actually hesitating.

"Tick tock, Rachel."

"I'm coming, I'm coming" She finally said hanging up.

Once I was up in her room I started to look around searching for the cat. "Where's my little buddy?"

I heard her giggling lowly. "He's sleeping with my dads tonight. And I need them to stay that way so you need to be quiet."

"Sure"

I eyed the books over her bed and the open laptop. She was doing homework. I sat on the floor against the bed instead, where I was getting used to sit. Rachel walked over taking a spot beside me.

"You said you aren't mad but I still want to say I'm sorry for screwing your plan" I finally said breaking the silence. She shook her head putting a hand over my knee.

"It's okay"

"I got you out of Sectionals"

"We both are."

"Yeah but-"

"It's alright, Santana. And honestly? You didn't have to do that. Coach Sylvester had already spared you the trouble and this had nothing to do with you. I should be the one saying I'm sorry, anyway."

I frowned. "Why?"

"I was the one getting us out and completely let one directions without its stronger competitors. My plan was bound to fail." Rachel simply said. I couldn't believe she was apologizing. Sometimes I didn't understand her. I scooted closer to her until our shoulders were touching. We stayed silent just sitting there for a while. It was kind of nice.

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked softly.

I stayed silent for a while. How was I supposed to answer to that question without breaking down in sobs. I looked over at her. She was waiting quietly for my answer. I shook my head. "Do you want me to give you an advice, Rachel?" She leaned her head back against the bed and nodded. "Don't ever, ever tell what you feel. People can't hurt you that way. You can't hurt yourself that way. Seriously, my life is completely fucked up because I decided to play the honest. So, the answer to your question is no. I'm not alright."

Rachel stayed silent and searched for my hand. I needed the contact so I met her halfway. Her eyes were questioning mine. I hated the moments she chose to stay quiet. The moments I needed the most for her to fill the silence where those moments she probably needed to stay silent. I suddenly felt the urge to touch her more. Have a different kind of contact so I did it. I lifted my free hand and brushed her cheek with my fingers. The gentle touch made her close her eyes.

I brushed her bags away from her face over and over again. I loved doing that. I loved the softness of her skin. I was enjoying it. I let my hand travel down her face, cupping one side of her neck. She opened her eyes, a sigh escaping her lips.  
>Rachel was shuddering. I allowed myself to think it was because of my touch. The room felt too hot to me. I smiled and she closed her eyes again. Both her hands squeezing mine. It felt so different touching her than touching Puck. This felt better. Right.<p>

I tested the waters and leaned in closing the little distance between us. My lips brushing hers. Just a touch. Rachel's hands were in my cheeks in seconds when I started to pull away keeping me in place. I let her guide the kiss. I was willing to play by her rules. She kept the kiss slow and sweet unlike the ones we had shared before. Her lips touching mine over and over again. There was no tongue. Every now and then we would open our mouths and our lips would fit together making my stomach do some weird flips.

I pulled away opening my eyes. Rachel kept hers closed but a huge smile was on her face. I dived in once again. The urge to kiss her when she licked her lips got the best of me. She conceded another sweet and slow kiss.  
>Rachel was the one that pulled away this time. She opened her eyes and bit her lower lip letting out a long deep and content sigh. I grinned.<p>

"Can I stay here tonight?" I asked. I wasn't ready to go home yet. Rachel simply nodded and stood up.

After I changed and she cleared her bed we were settled ready to sleep. The same way we were used to when I stayed over. My head on one side, hers on the other. Just like that drunken night I was wide awake. This time there was no Shorty to annoy me and keep me entertained, just my thoughts and the silence.

"Santana?"

Rachel was awake. I hummed letting her know I was too.

"Can I..."

She didn't finish her question. I waited but it never came.

"You can't sleep?"

"I'm trying."

"I can't sleep either."

"Can I..."

"What?" I was getting impatient.

"Promise me you won't kick me when I do it." She said hesitant.

I smirked. "Do what?"

Rachel stayed silent again. I felt her move and the next thing I knew, she was laying near me. I felt a hand on my shoulder pushing it. Once again I let her guide me. My back was towards her now and her front was pressed against it. All she wanted was to spoon. I felt her little body against me making me smile.

"That was it?"

"I didn't know how to ask. I like spooning. Maybe this would help us sleep." Rachel whispered near my ear. I could feel her breathing on my skin. I felt my chest tightening. Her arms around me and her body pressed against mine made me feel… safe. I felt tears pricking in my eyes and I pushed them back. I couldn't have her knowing I was crying. Luckily we were in the dark. And I sure as hell didn't want to feel the pain rising on my chest. I'd been trying to push her away because I couldn't have another person in my life to disappoint. I didn't need her disappointed in me. But lying there with her, I knew it was too late. I might as well just stop pushing her away.

I felt her breath becoming slow with every second that passed. She was falling asleep. I scooted even closer to her and closed my eyes. I didn't know how things were going to turn out for us tomorrow or the day after that. I liked the idea of us being friends. Weird friends if I considered the kisses. We never talked about it, though. It was like an agreement between us. I preferred that way to be honest. One thing was sure, Rachel was my friend and I stuck to my friends. As long as she wanted to be mine I wasn't going away any time soon.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I love this one. I love Santana. So much.**

**So, I've been having seconds thoughts about this story but I'm finishing it no matter what. Just like I'm saying now "When in doubt, write for yourself". That's what I'm doing but still... any comment, any idea you have whatever let me know, it can be really helpful and I appreciate it.**

**Anyway, thanks for sticking with me. You guys have a nice day and be good or... bad.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Let's Call It Love**

Even when I was out of sectionals, I'd been assisting to rehearsals to make sure they were actually working. I was satisfied to know that that was not the case. Finn was back at Glee thanks to Kurt and Mr. Schue's begging and he finally accepted when he found out Santana and I were out of the competition.

We decided to do a Michael Jackson's tribute. We all agreed on it and surprisingly there weren't any trouble between us, except Quinn wasn't there and she'd been missing practices. We were starting to worry that she would disappear on us at Sectionals. Aside from that little detail all that was missing for Sectionals to be perfect was my amazing voice.

I sighed getting up from my chair. Time was up and we were ready to go home.

"Rachel" Finn voice stopped me at the door. I turned around giving him a small smile.

Finn wasn't exactly looking at me. He was looking everywhere but my face. He hardly looked at me anymore. It was fair even although it truly hurt. I never meant for us to end this way, avoiding each other. I strongly believed we didn't work as a couple but I was sure we could still be good friends. Besides he was still my male lead.

"Hi, Finn" I said softly. He bowed his head smiling shyly. I felt warm and tingly inside. I missed his smile. We exited the classroom side by side. We walked quietly and I was ready to speak when he beat me to it.

"I just wanted to say that I think that while what you did was kind of stupid and selfish, it was nice. You were just looking out for Kurt and making sure he'd win." Finn offered, his smile never leaving his lips.

"He didn't win though." I pointed out.

Finn shrugged. "That's because she's pretty good, and I know Kurt won't tell you this but thank you." His next move took me by surprise. Finn leaned down and left a kiss on my cheek. I dropped my head, a bashful smile on my lips. "Do you need a ride home?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine, thank you."

"Alright. See you later, Rach." Finn said cheerful walking towards his car. I stopped walking and watched him go. I smiled to myself, he had been better, he was smiling again. I was right about him needing Glee. He belonged there.

I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder starting to walk again. Both my fathers texted me giving me their apologies for not being able to come pick me up. Dad was getting home an hour later while daddy was going to be working until late, something about one of his patients having a complication and needing surgery.

I was absolutely okay with walking home. The day had been nice and the weather delightful, not too cold like the days before. I was already on my way to the bus stop when I heard Santana calling my name. I stopped turning around with a smile. She was jogging towards me.

"Still without your car?" I asked once she was beside me.

Santana took a deep breath shaking her head. "Satan won't lift my punishment."

I wasn't able to stop a chuckle. "I am positive that if your mom hears you say that she won't do it anytime soon."

"Then I'm lucky there's only you here." Santana said linking her arm with mine.

"Are you coming home with me?"

"Yeah, I'm in no mood to see Maria yet."

As we made our way out of the school's property, a car pulled over beside us. I recognized the car as Brittany's. The passenger's window rolled down. Artie was sitting there, sitting completely straight looking at his front. Brittany leaned towards us from her seat.

"Want me to take you guys home?" She asked. There was no doubt she was only asking because Santana was with me otherwise they wouldn't have pulled over.

Santana pulled away from me and crossed her arms. "No. We're fine."

"Are you still upset?" A sigh escaped Brittany's lips. I focused my attention on the way Artie was sitting rigid looking at his front. He was clearly uncomfortable, avoiding at all cost to look at us. The tension between these three was growing even more with each day that passed.

"Why wouldn't I, Brittany? And really, this is a conversation I'm not having here and now. So, go. I'm walking home with Rachel. I'm fine." Santana said taking my arm and dragging me away from the car. She was more than upset, I could tell be the way she was clenching her jaw and her frown was deep. "Just keep walking. I'm fine." I nodded and obliged.

It took me half the ride home to finally get Santana's mood lifted a little. I tried to keep her mind occupied with conversations about classes and Glee although none of that worked. I got her attention when I asked her about cheerleading. I ended up enamored with the way her face would light up in such an adorable way that I wanted to wrap my arms around her and laugh with joy. I wondered why I never felt this way with Finn when we were together. Why I never found what he said interesting. Then again it was football. I never understood a thing about it. Cheerleading was different and it was something I actually enjoyed watching.

"Hey, do you have the recording we made of Cry?" Santana asked me taking off her snickers once we got home and walking towards the couch sitting on it, crossing her legs indian style.

"Oh yes! Let me search for it." I answered sitting beside her and scrolling through my phone. I was so focused on looking for the file I didn't realize she had scooted closer to me until I looked up. Her face was so close, her chin almost resting over my shoulder. I could feel the warm irradiating from her body. Santana has a frown on her face looking down at my phone. I didn't move and she must had gotten impatient because she looked up and quirked an eyebrow.

I cleared my throat and pressed play. Cry by Kelly Clarkson was the song we chose for our ballads assignment. It was the perfect song for the both of us. To say that everyone loved our performance was an understatement. We blew their minds; everyone was applauding and cheering by the end of it. Not that I was expecting less.

"Tell me again why we are not singing that song at sectionals?" Santana asked once the song was over.

"Because we can't sing at sectionals, Santana." I answered slumping my shoulders. It was absolutely tragic.

"We'll have Regionals don't worry." Santana affirmed lying down completely on the couch. I was sitting on the edge in front of her. "Unless you pull off another crazy thing"

I gasped. There was no way I was going to be out another competition again. The lone idea was outrageous. "No way. Nu-hu. This is the last time I'm banned from a competition, Santana. I can't be adding dirt to my school's resume. It will look bad on my NYADA application. I got so lucky that Mr. Figgins didn't decide on suspending me" I blurted out in one breath shaking my head.

"Stop talking. I said _unless_" Santana huffed rolling her eyes. I put my phone on the coffee table and folded my hands over my lap while she threw an arm over her eyes covering them.

"Santana, am I allowed to ask you a question?" I asked hesitantly. Santana lifted her arm for a moment, her eyes narrowed. I rolled my eyes. "Just one."

"Okay fine but I'm allowed to not answer it." She informed covering her eyes once again.

"That's not fair."

"Go ahead ask."

I sighed. It was now or never. "Have you tried talking with Brittany? You know... about... Your feelings" Santana stayed quiet. She didn't move an inch which was starting to making me feel nervous. "I mean, remember the day of the party? When I told you to do it so you guys could get your friendship on the right path? Well, something is telling me you actually haven't. The way you spoke to her a while ago was kind of harsh. Furthermore, Artie was acting weird too as if something had happened between you two. I don't mean to pry. No. That's the last thing I want to do. It's just that, I'm genuinely concerned about you. The last thing I want, Santana, is to see you get even more hurt, and I feel like she's being inconsiderate with your feelings. Honestly, I think that—"

I widened my eyes flinching when a hand was suddenly put over my mouth. Santana was now sitting glaring at me.

"Shut up. I know that she's fucking playing with my feelings. I don't know if she's aware or not but she is and I can't fucking do anything about it." Santana snapped. I nodded quickly and she released me lying down once again. Santana crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the ceiling. I looked down at my hands feeling uncomfortable. I didn't mean to make her feel even more upset. It was hard enough to make her feel better after her encounter with Brittany and I screwed it up.

"What do you want me to say, Rachel?" Santana spoke up suddenly. "I know how pathetic I am."

"You're not pathetic." I told her earning a scoff. "You're not" I repeated putting a hand over her crossed arms.

"I am. I knew her answer. She's been telling me no for a while now and I just keep asking her for a chance. She had told me no even before I made her the question which tells me she already had that answer for me, and what do I do? I keep begging. That's how pathetic I am."

"You love her."

Santana sat up and scooted back leaning against the couch's arm looking everywhere but my face. "I said a really hurtful thing to Artie and of course she took his side. That's why he was acting this way today. I can't bear with the idea that she chose someone over me. So, yes, I'm pathetic for not accepting she doesn't love me and just save our friendship."

"You love her. I wouldn't give up either." I repeated once again. She finally looked at me and I offered a soft smile. I wanted her to know I didn't think she was being pathetic. She wasn't. She was simply in love. Santana dropped her head. The next time she spoke, her voice was barely whisper.

"What can I do now? I can't be friends with her with all these feelings wanting to push out of my chest. Hell! I'm even saying cheesy things."

"I honestly don't know."

Santana looked hopelessly at me. That was a look you didn't see on her too often. "What are you doing? You seem to be handling it well."

I dropped my head brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. There were days when I missed Finn so much I got so desperate and had the urge to call him just to hear his voice; and there were days when everything he did or said or the way he behaved in classes, or the way he spoke to other girls sting too much making me realized I was still into him and all I wanted to do was to forget my promise to myself and take him back. However the truth was that I was nearer to moving on from him than Santana would ever be from Brittany. I was realizing that now.

"I just keep going." I finally answered with a shrug. "Sometimes it definitely hurt but I try to focus on things, on people that make it easy for me to keep going forward."

Santana didn't seem convinced with my words. Her eyes were wet and the way she was clenching her jaw so hard told me she was desperately trying to hold back her tears. "You can cry, you know? I won't tell anyone."

She let out some sort of snort mixed with a sob. Her expression was full of anguish; however there were no tears in her face. "I hate him so much. What does he have that I don't?"

Once again I found myself wanting to wrap her in my arms, this time to cry along with her and ask her to please let it all out. I would assure her that I would not let go until she had finally released all her pain. I scooted closer to her and cupped her jaw instead, stroking her chin gently with my thumb. "Nothing."

"He clearly is better than me." Her voice was a whisper. She didn't push my hand away but she was avoiding looking at my eyes.

"He isn't"

"Then why?" Santana demanded connecting her gaze with mine. They were once again filled with anger. She was demanding for an answer I didn't have.

"I don't know."

Santana pushed my hand away harshly and I stood up immediately. It was always like this every time I tried to get something more out of her. We would take one step forward and three back. She would let me in a little and push me farther away. Hot and cold. I was ready to walk away from the couch to give her some space when she took my hand tugging at it. I sat back down and she took my chin making me look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She really was.

I shook my head and before I could say anything she kissed me. She crashed our lips together and I kissed her back. I pushed away our conversation because her actions didn't make any sense. It didn't make sense that she was kissing me after telling me she was deeply in love with another person. But then again, this was Santana and I found myself lately wanting her even more every day. I wanted more of Santana. The hot and cold was getting hotter with every kiss and every touch and I couldn't lose it for the coldest parts or for the parts that made sense.

This want grew stronger ever since her last late visit a couple of days ago and that kiss we shared. It started out of nowhere and the tenderness made me completely swoon. She kissed me the way I'd always wanted to be kissed. She let me show her how and she complied. She made me feel things I'd never felt before. Once again Santana imprinted feelings in me I wasn't sure anyone could ever take away.

It wasn't so hard to realize that Santana was different for me. I'd always had the urge to know every little detail of what was going on in my life, of what was going to happen. Everything was a plan. All planed. I had it all under control. But then there was Santana. I couldn't read her. I didn't know what her intentions were. She was unpredictable. Closed up. Her moods would change and she would do things I'd never expected her to. She was sometimes sweet, sometimes aloof and serious. She would be also mean but at the same time caring.

There was also the fact that I loved romance. I loved the old romantic dates. A dinner and a movie, a romantic walk afterwards where she would talk to me about her life and listen carefully about mine. The shy kiss in the cheek when she dropped me home while my daddies spy on us and then make jokes about it making me blush once I was inside the house. Another date before the hesitant but excited first kiss. But Santana was already beyond all that. Our connection was different. It was exciting and it made me feel like I would burst out in flames at any moment. I would just need a simple touch or an intense look from her.

I craved the random, breathtaking kisses. I wanted the touches and the unexpected. I loved not being able to breathe every time she kissed me or I dared to kiss her fearing the worst, finding the best. I loved the unpredictable. Her unpredictable. My urges to control the situation were still there but I didn't want them at the same time. I was fighting against my confusion and I wanted to believe I was winning even when I knew it was going to come back at any moment to take its toll.

"Santana" I breathed out pulling her away gently.

"What?"

"You need to… you need to let me breathe." I chuckled looking up at her. I was now the one lying down on the couch and she was on top of me straddling my hips. Santana smirked down pecking me on the lips; every bit of anger or sadness gone from her face. Santana let her hands roam through my clothed torso, stopping to play with the hem of my shirt. She hesitated; she was testing how far she could go. I wanted to see how far she could go just as much as I wanted to know what was going on through her head, why was she doing this or if she was aware how dangerous this was.

I took her hands and slipped them between my bare stomach and my shirt. Her lips formed a teasing smirk as I arched into her cold touch. I pulled her down by the back of her neck and pressed our lips together. She didn't waste any time to deepen the kiss. Her tongue was all over making my insides warmer and my stomach crazier.

After a moment, she pulled away only to let her lips travel south making a path from my jaw to my neck. I whimpered when she started to nip and suck on a sensitive spot there. I was more turned on than surprised at how quickly she found it. Then again, this wasn't the first time she explored my body.

She shifted her own body until she was laying half on top of me, half on the couch. One of her legs found her way between mine. I unzipped her cheerio's top and caressed the skin I found there feeling her shiver.

I let out a soft moan when she cupped one of my breasts under my shirt as she peppered my jaw with little kisses. I tangled my hands on her hair pulling a little, enough to crash our lips together once again. She bit down on my lower lip earning a throaty sound. Her kisses were intoxicating. She kissed me and I needed more and more. This was the reason why I couldn't put a stop to it.

I pulled away throwing my head back and closing my eyes tightly when she started to add pressure down my body with her leg, the one between mine. She thrust down once again and I whimpered loudly when a strong shiver ran all over my body. Santana didn't move anymore. I frowned opening my eyes. She was looking down at me breathing hard, her lips partially open. Her eyes were dark and looking at me intensely.

"We should stop?"

She was asking not telling me. I nodded even when I pushed my hips up. Santana let out a whimper closing her eyes. She had to be completely crazy to not finish what she started, and I had to be completely insane to let her. I took her by the collar of her top crashing our lips together once again. All I wanted to do was let her flood my senses. All I wanted to feel was her all over, everywhere. I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care what was going to happen next. But Santana pulled away shaking her head.

"We need to stop" She was breathless. "We… need to stop now."

I nodded. My heart was beating so fast. I smiled when she lay back down, resting her head on my shoulder. I could feel her ragged breathing hit the side of my neck. I didn't dare move.

"I'm hungry" Santana spoke up after a moment.

"Me too. Should we go prepare something to eat now or wait a little while before we have to actually get up so my dad won't find us like this and then go prepare something to eat?" I said in one breath. Santana chuckled, the vibrations of her laughter sending shivers all over my body. If she noticed it, she didn't say anything. And considering our closeness she probably did.

"How long before Mr. black Berry gets home?"

Her nickname for my dad made me giggle. I stopped looking at the wall clock. I had completely forgotten about my dad. Luckily we still got time. "Ten minutes or less"

Santana simply nodded snuggling even more into my side. I smiled widely passing my arms around her body as she tucked her head under my chin. I guessed food could wait.

* * *

><p>I entered the kitchen humming quietly to myself. Daddy was sitting at the table reading the newspaper.<p>

"Hi, daddy!" I greeted him with a big smile. I put out a glass and walked to the refrigerator pouring myself a glass of water.

"Is there a reason why you're so happy?" He asked folding his newspaper and putting it down. I looked at him over the glass while I drank the water. He was wiggling his eyebrows in a really creepy way.

I put the glass on the sick and walked over to him wrapping my arms around his neck from behind. I left a kiss on the side of his neck. Daddy chuckled lowly reaching with one of his hands to ruffle my hair.

"Is there a reason why you shouldn't be happy, daddy?" I asked resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Oh my. Are you back with Finn?" He asked looking at me from the corner of his eye.

"No"

He hummed suspiciously. I rolled my eyes. This was ridiculous.

"Stop trying to guess. I'm just happy"

"Is the girl you were cuddling with so comfortably a couple of nights ago the reason, dear?" Dad asked entering the kitchen. Daddy laughed. "Or the girl that had you smiling stupidly last night at dinner?

I growled hiding my face on my daddy's neck. "Stop"

"Isn't them the same, honey?"

"Yes, yes, the infuriating girl that comes here to get my baby's attention and gets it completely." Dad answered.

"That's not true, dad!" I cried out pulling away from my daddy who was still shaking with laughter.

"No? You barely looked at me last night and please inform me again where are you going right now?"

"Stop" I mumbled crossing my arms and stomping my foot. He laughed winking at me. It wasn't fair that he was teasing me. Yes, I was going to Santana's house but we were just friends. Friends. "Hiram, help me out."

Daddy stood up and started to help him tie his tie. I was glaring at them. Dad kept with the teasing. "That night she came here late, which can't happen again we already talked about this, she was practically trying to get inside of you. Was there a minimum space between you two?"

"Dad, stop!" I shrieked. I felt my face getting hot at the memory of that night. It was true there was no space between us.

"Aww, c'mon! are you blushing?" Daddy chuckled looking at me. "Let me see!"

He took me by the chin when I tried to hide my face by keeping it down. He started laughing out loud when I finally looked at him. I was glaring but there was no doubt I was also blushing. Dad was chuckling too, he was so enjoying this.

"Rachel, do things have to change now?" Dad asked. The hint of amusement in his voice annoying me even more. "I mean, if you are now interested in the girl then rules have to be applied to her. The same rules we had for the Hudson boy."

I opened my mouth and closed it a couple of times. This was outrageous. They were making fun of me and clearly enjoying it. "Dad!" I shrieked stomping my foot once I was able to speak again. "There is nothing between us! We're friends! And now I'm leaving you two with your irrational and immature sense of humor. I'm going to be late"

"I'm just saying!"

I scoffed walking out of the kitchen hearing their chuckles. The same rules we had for the Hudson boy? Finn was my boyfriend. Santana is… Santana is my friend. Just a friend. I scoffed again when the phrases 'friends don't kiss' and 'kissing wasn't dating' ran through my head. The second one sounded a lot like that ridiculous phrase Santana and Brittany used to say a lot 'sex isn't dating'. Just look where did that get them!

* * *

><p>Santana's room was dark but classy and very nice. It looked just like her. I took a seat at her desk's chair. She had recently got home from practice so she was still wearing her Cheerios uniform when I arrived. Walking over to her closet she took off her cheerios top. I tried to get my eyes off her now uncovered back but found myself unable to do so. She noticed this and looked over her shoulder. I looked away quickly feeling my face getting hot.<p>

"Sorry. Old habits die hard" Was everything she said. I lifted my gaze slowly in time to see her throw a t-shirt over her head. It had her last name on its back. I followed her movements as she took off her snickers and skirt. The sinfully short skirt that leave nothing to the imagination. I swallowed hard. I was pretty sure this was the way boys thought about them and the way they leered, following every inch of skin until they reached the edge of the skirt and there was nothing more to see, leaving them to imagine pervert things that were probably way worse than what she would let them do.

I had to take a deep breath. I willed myself to look away from her legs until she realized what I was doing. Was I seriously getting this flustered over watching her changing in front of me when we've done so much more? Yes, yes I was and this was none of her fault, she was used of changing in front of other girls anyway. I dropped my head biting my lower lip nervously. We were just going to be doing homework. That was it.

I was trying to convince myself that it was because this was my first time at her house, but truth was that with every little physical encounter I found myself getting even more and more flustered and nervous around her.

"So? Bed or desk?" Santana asked walking to the slightly open door and opening it wide open before looking back at me. She was now dressed in red short shorts and a grey MKHS t-shirt that looked a little big on her. Comfortable. Santana loved comfortable. For a lot of things.

"I'm good here, thank you." I answered. She shrugged and took her backpack flopping down on her bed.

"Are you planning on sitting all straight up there just looking at me or…? Cause I won't have a problem asking for a new partner." Santana joked flashing me a smile.

"I believe you but there'll be no need for that" I told her opening up my notebook.

We worked in silence, discussing every now and then. I attributed my nervousness to the fact that it was the first time I was on her house, on her bedroom and not because I was developing some sort of attraction towards Santana. We shared a friendship that's been hard for me to build, for us to build. I wouldn't have anything messing with it. Not even the kissing moments, no matter how good they make me feel.

"For the love of God, no! That answer doesn't make any sense!" Santana all but shouted.

"I'll have you know, Santana, that the teacher thought it was a valid answer!" I snapped back. She scoffed.

"She's a fool. I could be a better teacher than her."

A knock interrupted our bickering and we both turned towards the door. There was a girl standing at the door. I recognized her as Santana's sister. I'd seen her besides Santana's mother in several of our glee competitions. She looked a lot like Santana, a little bit shorter, with long curly hair and big brown eyes that were a tone lighter than her sister's. She glanced back and forth between us. During our bickering we ended up sitting across from each other on the bed. I was surprised at the way Santana got off the bed quickly after the girl settled her gaze on her.

"Alex"

"Mom's home" Alex pointed out before waving at me with a small smile on her lips and walking away. Santana had an unreadable expression on her face as she walked back to the bed and took her notebook before going to sit at her desk.

"Santana, are you home?"

"In my room!" Santana shouted back.

"Santana, why haven't you taken down your laundry yet?" Santana's mom stopped once her eyes landed on me. "Good night" She added with a smile.

"Good night, Mrs. Lopez."

"How's your father, dear?" She asked politely with a sweet voice. I looked at Santana who was scribbling down on her notebook as if she was completely alone.

"He's fine. Working a lot" I answered offering a smile.

"He's a great friend of mine, did you know that?"

"Yes, I did. My dad sometimes mentions you when he tells me about work or about some of the cases he works on."

Mrs. Lopez nodded. The smile in her face faltered a little when she looked over at her daughter and saw no response. Santana was completely ignoring us. "I didn't know you two were friends."

"Oh well... We-we actually… we-"

"Things change, mama. We weren't friends before and now we are. I'll take my laundry out tonight, okay?" Santana decided to finally speak. She gave her mom a hard, cold glare that the woman reciprocated.

"I'm so very glad you haven't lost your manners, Santana. I was getting worried you hadn't said a thing" Mrs. Lopez said crossing her arms. She then looked at me, her gaze softening. "Are you staying for dinner, Rachel?"

"I... I'm not sure. I don't want to cause any trouble and—"

"Don't say that. Stay, it'll be no trouble. You're welcome here." Santana scoffed chuckling lowly. Mrs. Lopez seemed to ignore this as she continued to speak. "Finish your homework, I'll tell Alex to help me with dinner. If you're finished before we're done come downstairs to take care of your brother, Santana" Mrs. Lopez ordered before getting out of the room.

* * *

><p>Santana made me sit in the living room until they were finished with dinner even when I assured her I could help them out. I eyed the little boy sitting down on his coloring table humming quietly to himself. I smiled when he looked up shyly giggling before covering his face with his hands hiding it.<p>

"So, you are THE Rachel Berry" Alex sat on the armchair looking at me with a grin. My first instinct was to smile, her grin resembled so much her sister's grin instead I frowned processing what she'd said.

"What?"

"Yeah, I've seen you. Singing I mean. You're completely extraordinary." I was blushing there was no doubt about it. "I think you're overrated and my sister thinks so too, don't let her fool you."

"Thank you" I said offering her a big smile.

"Can I ask you something, Rachel?" She questioned getting serious. I nodded.

"Of course"

Alex came to sit by my side on the couch and looked towards the kitchen before speaking. "Just stick around, yeah? Don't let them scare you away. I strongly believe that if my sister can make it then I can too." She said in a soft voice. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her eyes looking at me intensely. I felt like she wanted to say more but Santana's voice got our attention.

"You're not asking her for an autograph, are you? I swear to God I'll kill you."

Alex let out an extremely fake gasp. "Don't swear in the name of God, Sanny, that's sin."

"Bite me" I found adorable the way Santana tried to hide her grin.

"Fuck you too."Alex replied with a chuckled getting up from the couch. She then pointed her finger at me. "But! You do owe me an autograph."

"We'll have time for that later, I promise" I beamed. Alex gave us a smile full of teeth and a wink before walking to the kitchen.

"In a scale of zero to Mr. Schue how embarrassing she was?"

"Actually, she's a good girl, Santana" I said amused. "There are a few things you should learn from her"

"Sure thing" Santana mumbled rolling her eyes. "Hey, Gab! Want to help us set the table?"

Gabriel looked up at me and just like he had been doing broke down in giggles hiding his face in his hands. "Awww c'mon, Gabs. She has a big nose but she is harmless. I promise"

I batted gently Santana's shoulder. She definitely deserved more for that. "Santana!"

"What? It's true! C'mon, Gabs." Santana chuckled. The boy extended his arms at her sister still looking at me with a small smile. Once he was securely in his sister's arms, we walked out the living room to set the table.

* * *

><p>"So, Rachel, what are your plans for the future? Have you chosen a college yet?" Mrs. Lopez asked once we were all at the table. There was a lot of tension in the air.<p>

Mrs. Lopez was sitting at the head of the table, her daughters at either of her sides. I was sitting beside Alex. Santana was sitting across from us, Gabriel on his high chair beside her. She was silent focused in trying to stop Gabriel from throwing away all of his food.

"Yes, I'd made my choice a long time ago. I want to make it on Broadway so I chose NYADA. I'm positive that's the right collage for me. It'll prepare me the best way, the way I need to be prepare for it." I answered with a big smile.

"That's amazing, Rachel. You sound so secure about what you want." Mrs. Lopez commented with a nodded, her tone cheerful.

"I can't wait for my audition. I have to admit that I'm nervous even though I'm a hundred percent sure I'm going to get in. I had been preparing for it almost my entire life and I'm not letting it slip from my fingers." I added nodding with confidence. I looked across the table and found Santana shaking her head, an amused smiled on her lips as she feed her brother. Alex laughed at my side.

"Santana wasn't lying when she said you were a little too passionate."

"There's nothing wrong with that, actually." Mrs. Lopez chimed in. "I'm surprised to see a young lady like you so excited about your future. You don't see that anymore these days. Teenagers are too busy thinking about something else lately. Things without importance" She eyed both her daughters before continuing. "I wish Santana was as passionate as you are about her future plans, she hadn't even picked a career yet. I'm hoping she would catch up some of that enthusiasm now that you two are friends."

"The fact that I'm not going around telling my plans doesn't mean I never think about it." Santana said through clenched teeth.

"Santana is very good at performing." Alex commented quickly before Mrs. Lopez had time to reply. I saw the way they were glaring at each other and decided to help Alex clear the air.

"That's entirely true. She's been fighting me for the solos and I have to admit that I would die for having such a beautiful and raspy voice like hers."

"No way! Your voice is unique, Rachel. Sure, San's good but no, don't say that. Your voice is amazing!" Alex all but shouted excited. I felt my cheek getting hot once again letting out a low laugh. This girl was definitely making my ego bigger.

"You're so embarrassing, Alex. You look like a flustered fan."

"Hey! You're just jealous I'm her fan instead of yours. I can't possibly be your fan. My job is make your life a living hell not admire you." Alex scoffed rolling her eyes. Santana mirrored the same gesture across the table.

"I'm a lot more awesome than her. I can do splits in the air; all she can do is sing and sway. Everybody can do that?" Santana pointed out smirking. She looked at me for the first time since we sat at the table.

I faked an overly dramatic gasp that had her chuckling. "I'll have you know, Santana Lopez that I do more than singing and swaying. I can dance and I feel every word and blurt out my heart and soul for everyone to feel with me the lyrics of the song, along with all the emotions the songwriter poured into said song. That's more than just singing and swaying and you perfectly know that."

"Yeah, like that time you sang afternoon delight?" Santana teased.

I broke down into a coughing fit when I saw the frown and the amused smile in Mrs. Lopez's face. I glared at Santana. She was trembling trying to hold in her laughter.

"Really, Rachel?" Alex asked through her giggles.

"That was Miss Pillsbury's idea." I mumbled feeling my face hot under the older woman's stare. This night was proving to be very embarrassing for me. I was going to end up red. "And you know I can't help myself when there's a performance involved."

"As in the school's counselor?" Mrs. Lopez asked alarmed.

That was when Santana lost it. She burst out laughing and Alex joined her, their laughter carrying me in. Definitely, hearing Santana's laughter was the highlight of the night.

* * *

><p>After dinner and more chatting with them -that only made Santana grow aloof once again- Mrs. Lopez asked Santana to take Gabriel for a ride so he could fall asleep, it was the only way of making him fall asleep lately, and that way she could take me home too. Mrs. Lopez handed her the keys of her own car since Santana was still grounded.<p>

"Want me to take you home right away?" Santana asked once we were out the driveway.

"I could keep you company for a while if you don't mind."

Gabriel was still pretty much awake. He was throwing subtle glances at us from his car chair on the back seat while fidgeting with his stuffed dolphin.

We stayed silent for a while. I couldn't help but watch her every move. She was frowning like that was what was keeping her from losing her concentration and sometimes she would bit at her thumb nail perhaps out of habit. It was gross but kind of adorable.

While I was watching her, I thought about her behavior towards her mom and it made me wonder what was happening between them. What was so wrong in their relationship that made Santana shut down the way she did around her mother; what was so bad they couldn't get over it.

It made me think of Shelby. Was this the way the relationship between a mother and a daughter was? I felt a sudden sadness at the fact that I would never found out unless I had a daughter and that was not something sure either, my children could be all boys and I would never found out.

Santana looked my way, her frown still in place. "What? Stop staring. It's creepy not flattering as you think. I thought we were over the 'I'm perfect' phase."

I rolled my eyes. "You're so full of yourself"

"So?"

"I had fun tonight. Your siblings are not so bad and you are a good to them. I finally confirmed that you have a soft heart." I smirked looking back at the little boy. He was starting to fall asleep.

Santana scoffed. "In your dreams, Berry. I _have_ to be good"

"You actually love being good to them. I know" I shook my head smiling softly. I wanted to ask about her mom but I was afraid she'll turn me down and get angry at me. However -like always- my curiosity won. "Your mom wasn't so bad either." I offered cringing.

"She's not. She's only good with strangers" Santana said lowly. I nodded looking down at my hands. "I guess you picked up on the tension"

"I... I'm sorry but yes, yes I did."

"As you can see things aren't okay. There's too much pressure on us. You saw the way she got about college. She's not different with Alex. And then there's..." Santana trailed off shaking her head. She pulled over on a street and turned to look at me. "She's unsupportive, Rachel and controlling. She's suffocating us."

"Unsupportive? I'm sure she's just looking out for you. You're her daughter. Just like any other parent, I'm completely sure she wants the best for you and wants to know what you're going to do. I'm positive that she'll support you in whatever path you choose, Santana" I told her reaching out and putting my hand over hers in her lap. She looked down at our hands for a moment before looking up. Her eyes were filled with tears. That took me by surprise.

"She's no different than my abuela, Rachel. She forbade Brittany to come to our house because she doesn't want me turning my siblings gay. Are you sure she'll support me in whatever path I chose for myself?"

Her words were full of anger, tears rolled down her cheeks and she wiped them off furiously with the back of her hand.

"She pretends everything is fine because she lives of what people say about her. Guess where I came from?"She chuckled bitterly. I scooted close as much as I could and brushed my fingers on her cheek wiping gently the new tears. "But I'm tired of following her steps."

"You don't have to, Santana." I told her softly.

"I want her on my side, Rachel." Santana let out a strangled sob, taking her hands away to bury her face on them. "I want her proud of me"

This was what was eating her inside. Santana wasn't questioning her sexuality, not anymore. This wasn't about that. It was about her mom being proud and she wasn't. It was the situation with her abuela all over again. When the whole coming out happened, I saw the way the whole situation took the light out of Santana's eyes. It saddened her deeply. You could see it in the way she talked and behaved. She wasn't the same anymore. And it was way worse because her mom pretended they were okay when they really weren't. She chose to ignore Santana's pain every time and I knew that was the most damaging situation to be in. That was the worst kind of pain.

I pulled her into my arms and caressed her back. She didn't hug me back, she just cried over my shoulder and I let her. Not saying a word. I knew a lot of words but I doubted there was enough of them to sooth her pain, so I let her cry on my shoulder. I felt a knot in my throat and tears threatening in my eyes every time she would take a sharp intake of breath like she couldn't breathe before sobbing once again.

After a while she calmed down and I tried pulling away but she finally wrapped her arms around me keeping me in place. "Thank you" She whispered in my ear. I nodded giving her a soft 'you're welcome'. She pulled away and wiped her cheeks. "And I'm sorry for being so pathetic. I've done nothing these past few days but practically cry my eyes out to you."

"You're not being pathetic, Santana, you have nothing to be sorry for."

Santana gave me a sweet smile and looked towards the back seat. Gabriel was sleeping peacefully hugging his dolphin. "I'm glad he's asleep"

"Me too" I agreed with a smile and then looked at my phone. It was 9:30 already, my dads were probably worried. "Do you want a few more minutes or do you think you can take me home now?"

"I'm good" Santana said starting the car once again.

Santana could come off like the biggest bitch, a flawless person with no more troubles than looking sexy and hot and doing the splits right so she wouldn't earn suicides from Coach Sylvester. What most of them didn't see was that beneath all of that was the true person. A person with a really sweet and caring heart. A normal girl. A girl that was more than frowns and bitchy comments and the aloof person that pretended not to care about anything or anyone. A girl that was struggling with so much pain while trying to hide it. A girl that was very sweet in my opinion, and who would scoot over and kiss my cheek so gently making my stomach jump in a really mortifying but pleasant way. That same girl I was looking drive away from my front door with a huge smile on my face that I was sure I wasn't going to be able to hide from my daddies.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **There! I've been looking suspiciously at this thing for two days now and I just had to post it or else I would never update anymore. I'm not lying.

Anyway did we lose Rachel or what? I don't know...

Ah! Two more things I wanted to say. One! I appreciate your comments and as you know I love replying to all of them but sadly I can't with the guests ones so this is me saying Hi, thank you for reviewing my fic :) You're precious.

and TWO! I'm thinking about birthdays, I mean, not for the story (maybe) but just in general. I think Rachel's is december 18 right? but what about Santana's or Quinn's or Brittany's. How do you come up with a date. So, if you happen to know, would you let me know?

That's it! Thank you for reading and I'm REALLY hoping you didn't end up looking suspiciously at the chapter like I did.


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